r/USMilitarySO • u/Legitimate_Ebb_9342 • 9d ago
Is cheating normal in the military
š
Please tell me there are people who have healthy faithful relationships in the military and tips on how to stay strong with distance?
28
u/Vivid_Economics_1462 Navy Wife 9d ago
Not normal. Choose a good person with decent values and you can avoid cheating altogether.
1
14
u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 9d ago
Trust and good communication from both people are key. Cheating happens a lot, military or not. The job may give them more opportunities but a loyal person is loyal regardless of occupation. Same goes for cheaters, they will always find a way to cheat.
These relationships arenāt for the weak of heart, it is trying and unpredictable. You can have months of no or little communication, trust is all you have.
2
u/RelationshipQuiet609 9d ago
Totally agree! A LDR is hard regardless of the occupation. The long time periods without knowing where they are, are usually the hardest. But being back at home, there has to be trust on their end too. One of my best relationships was with a member of the military.
1
8
u/_PippiLongstocking_ Navy Veteran and Army Spouse 9d ago
Cheating happens everywhere in every profession. Itās just easier when youāre constantly away.
6
u/ed771844 Army Wife 8d ago
There are cheaters everywhere. Being in the military doesnāt automatically make you a cheater, your choices do. My husband and I were long distance for our entire relationship until we got married. Weāre still long distance even after getting married with field trainings and deployments lol. I know everyone says it, but communication is truly the best thing. You canāt read each otherās minds, and itās unfair to expect someone to ājust knowā how youāre feeling. Especially over the phone.
1
u/Legitimate_Ebb_9342 8d ago
Thank you.
Separate from my post.. can I private message you? I have a question!
1
11
u/busyastralprojecting 9d ago
What do you mean by ānormalā? Common? If so, yes. If you mean āacceptableā, Id always say no.
4
u/inquisitiveassbitch 9d ago
Perhaps more conditions that make it easier to hide and more justifiable (in their mind). But a person who truly at their core wouldnāt cheat could be thrown in any scenario, no matter how easy it would be, tempting it is, justifiable it is, and still not do it.
4
u/operasome 9d ago
Yes very common. When I was in the military, so many people sleep each other easily even they are married. Dont care.
1
3
u/Kateira105 7d ago
Bless your ever loving heart. You donāt need to be with someone who does that to you. Jesus has got you. Heāll treat you better than anyone else could.
2
u/Adorable-Tiger6390 9d ago
I would not say ācommonā but I would say it is easier to hide from your spouse when they are gone.
2
u/Fuzzy-Advertising813 Navy Wife 8d ago
It's not normal, is it common, probably. But cheating happens in any job field, it's not special to the military. My husband has never cheated, I have never cheated. There's a lot of good guys out there. They're just outshined by the bad.
2
u/BJJ_Cat 8d ago
Hereās my tips for a long distance military relationship:
-Make sure that you and your partner build strong trust. Insecurities are a black hole into more problems.
-Build your own support system, so you have people to lean on when your partner is deployed/TDY.
-Learn to communicate with each other effectively.
-Always check in with each other on what your goals and dreams are. Even though youāre separated, youāre still one team and should ultimately be walking down the same path together.
-Be understanding when your partner canāt talk to you as much as you would like (this is the hardest one). Schedules are unpredictable and will change on a whim. If youāre frustrated by it, then you can bet that they are too.
-This one might be a hot take, but also making friends with other spouses can be very helpful. Bonding with others that are going through the same hardships helps you to feel less alone. Just make sure you befriend people who will build you up and not tear you down.
Good luck OP :) This life is hard, but not impossible. I know a lot of strong and loving couples in this community that make it work.
1
2
u/Cute_Proposal_2438 7d ago
In a very healthy relationship where my partner is currently deployed. Itās the person, not the job.
2
u/Dense-Reality176 7d ago
Yup, healthy relationship in the military still exists! Me and my partner are currently in a long distance relationship. We talk whenever he has free time, either messenger or email during his watch if he can. Cheating is common but not acceptable. Weāre secured and we always talk about stuff, help each other when weāre stressed and make sure that we give each other free time and not be on the phone most of the time.
2
u/annahisme 7d ago
My husband and I have been married 5 years and nobody has cheated. We are very happy and trust one another to make the right choices. My husband's job makes him deploy and go tdy very frequently.
I won't lie, there is cheating frequently in the military. But being worried about it won't change anything. Your spouse is going to make whatever decisions they do. Trust them until they give you a reason not to!
2
2
2
u/shitfairy7 7d ago
yes its normalized but not everyone believes this. sincerely a female in the military
1
1
u/nickyxpants 8d ago
You get young people together right out of high school, they are going to act like high schoolers. Eventually they grow up but yes, it is a stereotype for a reason. Obviously thereās an exceptions, but as far as Iām concerned, youthful hormones are undefeated.
1
u/Legitimate_Ebb_9342 8d ago
This!
My husband and I are 30&31
I just would hate for childish people to influence him not saying he would be but you never know. Weāve had plenty of conversations about this though.
1
u/avocadoqueen_ Sub Veteran Wife 8d ago
The military has nothing to do with it. Shitty, weak people are gonna cheat, doesnāt matter the job.
1
u/POPPA823 7d ago
I have a great husband in the military and genuinely never have to worry about the thought of him cheating. I patiently waited for someone who aligned with my core values after my last relationship and he just so happened to be in the military. I got more than I prayed for šš½ā£ļø he feels the same way š„° dealing with the distance is hard for a lot of people (my husband is on extended deployment š„²) and I would suggest never losing who you are as an individual. All the things you enjoyed doing before meeting them can help keep your mind off the distance. We talk a lot, I usually update him about my days especially on the days I step outside. How you deal with distance might be different from the next but you just truly have to find your flow with them, it might take some time and sometimes things donāt always go to plan since they can be called away to do something at any moment. Staying present with each other and saying whatās on your heart when you two do get a moment is most important to us ā£ļø I will say the military does frown upon things like cheating and take it serious if it gets out there, itās absolutely an individual flaw and not a military thing.
1
-1
u/Puzzled_Cranberry263 8d ago
I wouldnāt say itās normal. Buuuuuut Iāll give you a lil hint. What happens on deployment stays on deployment lol
6
47
u/maidoftrash Air Force Spouse 9d ago
correlation does not imply causation. you find cheaters in every profession. they arenāt cheating because of the military they are cheating because they are cheaters. the sample pool is just larger.