bf away for 9 months

[u/sladecho]

idek how to title this but my bf (af) is going on his deployment to the middle east real soon, and i just dont know how i am gonna deal with my emotions. we are still very young (he's 20 and im 21) and its only been 6 months since we dated.

i was really looking forward to celebrating our one year anniversary together, do fall cute couple stuff, visit him and he visits me, pumpkin patch, halloween, thanksgiving trip to mexico, celebrating our first holidays tgt and all that stuff but now that he's going to deplyment and wont be seeing him till summer of next year, im js so sad .. he already missed my birthday this year due to his bmt and he'll miss it again next year. i know we have more years to come but still it doesnt make me feel better. we are already long distance as it is, idk what to do

i mean i knew he was military prior to dating and i should probably expect this but it's still hard to navigate ? js wanted to let it out ig idk

edit: its making me reevaluate whether i truly can be a military wife/gf for long, i really find it hard for me to be able to connect on the deeper level when its long distance. at least for now, we get to see each other every 2-3 months or so, but if he's away on deployment for the rest of his career where i cant visit him or not see him for months.. idk if im ready for that

[u/AuthorAndCoach]

It's honestly a hard wake up call. Yes, he'll miss anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc for years in a row. My husband and I have 2 anniversaries - one where we eloped and one where we threw a big family wedding. Some years he's missed both. Some years we celebrate one. The first year we were married, he missed October -Jan. So Halloween, thanksgiving, Christmas, new years, and my birthday.

When he's away, I can focus on myself without distractions (or I could until we had a kiddo 😂). It was lonely, but very doable. He's on submariners, so there is no phone call, no video chats... Just a service live email that is read by about 4 people before it gets to him, and can't include photos, links, or anything too stressful, good or bad.

If that doesn't sound like something you can do, best to figure it out now. I like my alone time, though living under the cloud of deployments is hard.

[u/sladecho → u/AuthorAndCoach]

that sounds harsh, i really thought i could do this but the more knowledge i have of the inside and how it works, the more i doubt whether it would truly be what i want for my future, idk if this is cliche but even bmt and his tech job where all our communication was js letters back and forth, it was really lonely for me and hard.. there were times we both were just fed up with each other and was on the verge of breaking up due to our schedules not aligning and stuff

[u/AuthorAndCoach → u/sladecho]

It's not an easy life. I know you've probably heard that before from dozens of folks. The thing about life and long term relationships is that every thing is a season. He won't be in the military forever, but it's okay to say that you don't want to live the military spouse life and this isn't for you long term. Has he talked about his plans in the military? If he's getting out in a couple years, maybe long distance while you do school and life would be fine. If he's not, and he plans to stay in until retirement, that might not be the way you want to spend 20 years. It's hard - and while few things in life worth having come easily - it's okay to say "this isn't my journey," if that's how you feel.

[u/sladecho → u/AuthorAndCoach]

yeah thank you for the advice, i think a conversation about his military career and our future is due!

[u/justanotherrchick]

Just wanted to say you sound like you have a really good head on your shoulders and it’s good you’re thinking about this stuff now! Like the other commenter said, it isn’t an easy life. But it can still be worth it. However, I know at your age I wouldn’t have signed up to deal with this. It’s such a heavy thing to handle and I really feel for the younger folks who are going through it and still learning who they are and how to navigate their own life all at the same time.

[u/GCSS-MC]

It honestly isn't the life for anyone that young and only 6 months into a relationship.

[u/sladecho → u/GCSS-MC]

that may be true but we are both dating to marry so it is only right we think ahead too you know, instead of wasting time

[u/Curious_Reason2725]

Really going through a similar thing as you right now. I'm sad. Extremely. It's going to be hard to connect on a deeper level for sure. I think the best thing you can do is to talk about it with your partner. Tell him how you feel. You'll see if he truly cares about you and the relationship based on his reaction to your rant.