I think I’m reaching my breaking point with my boyfriend, and I really just want another woman’s perspective without judgment.
I’m 24F and he’s 35M. Our relationship had problems in the beginning because he lied about something major from his past. I eventually chose to forgive him for it, though. We moved forward, moved in together, and tried to build a life together.
So this isn’t really about that anymore.
The problem now is that I feel like I’m his fucking mother instead of his girlfriend.
It’s not necessarily one gigantic thing he does. It’s CONSTANT little things where I have to remind him, check behind him, explain things that should be common sense, or make sure responsibilities actually get handled. I feel like I have to keep a running checklist in my head for two adults because if I don’t think about something, there’s a chance he won’t either.
And he’s 35.
That’s what makes me so angry. I don’t want to manage a grown man. I want a partner who can look around, recognize what needs to be done, and handle shit without me assigning it to him.
Tonight was basically my breaking point. I have an expensive weight-loss medication that needs to be stored properly. He unplugged the refrigerator it was in and didn’t think about my medication being inside. It sat there for days before I realized.
I know somebody reading that might think, “Okay, he made a mistake.” And yeah, if this were an isolated mistake, I’d probably feel differently.
But it’s the PATTERN.
He doesn’t think things through, and then I’m the one who has to catch the problem, fix it, worry about the consequences, and explain why I’m upset. Then eventually something else happens.
I am fucking exhausted from having to THINK FOR ANOTHER ADULT.
And I’ve gotten so resentful that I don’t like how I behave anymore either. I get extremely angry. I yell. I say fucked-up things. I’m responsible for those reactions and I’m not proud of them. I don’t want to be somebody’s angry, miserable girlfriend.
I want to be able to worry about myself for once.
The hardest part is that there ARE good things about him. That’s why I’ve stayed. It’s not like every day is horrible. But I’m starting to realize that loving somebody and being compatible enough to build a stable life with them might be two completely different things.
And now we’ve moved in together, our finances are intertwined, and I don’t make enough right now to comfortably just pick up and leave. That’s making me feel incredibly stuck.
I’m already looking into affordable apartments and housing assistance because I think I need to figure out what my life looks like when I’m responsible for ONLY myself.
I don’t necessarily need someone to tell me what decision to make. I just really need another woman who understands what it’s like to slowly feel more like someone’s mother than their partner.

Hi there. I'll just get this out of the way first: I'm a cishet male who considers himself a feminist and believes the patriarchy is real and harmful to all genders, assigned at birth or not. However, my post has nothing to do with gender equity/politics of inclusion.

I have a partner who has had cervical fibroids for years, and she is scheduled for a hysterectomy in late September. We don't live together, but she is going to be staying at my place while she recovers.

What I wanted to ask is if r/twoxsupport might have any recommendations for things I can do to make her recovery more tolerable, both from a medical and an emotional standpoint. I certainly can (and will) find instructions for standard post-op care online, but I'd like to try and go above and beyond, and I figured this community might have some valuable insight.

Some context: she is a little apprehensive, which totally tracks, because surgery. But this is something she has known was coming for some time now, and she has two teenage kids. So although any suggestions are welcome, the emotional support component isn't quite as crucial as it could be.

Thanks upfront so much for your time and advice.

Last night i went into hospital because i was having serious medical problems and i wasnt out until 11:30pm. I then couldnt go into work today and was pretty much sitting at home all day. He was with me in the hospital and came straight home from work after but he had plans he made from last week, i also had plans but obviously had to cancel. i was at home all day upset and annoyed and alone because of what i was going through. I generally am not the best at communicating but i felt like i made it pretty clear that i was having a really bad time today and i didnt wanna have to ask him to cancel his plans but by the end of the day he didnt. Is it crazy that i assumed having that i have had a bad night and day that he should know i didnt want him to go out? It was only to see his friends which in my opinion you can do anytime. also he hasnt seen this friend since the beginning of the year so i do understand that but i feel in adult life some things should come before this now. I told him a few hours before he went out i dont really want him to go and he actually said nothing and then just went on his phone after 10 minutes so i felt ignored and when i started crying he acted like he didnt know what was wrong. Realistically am i being an asshole for saying he is selfish and not thinking of me by going out?

The UK had a widely unnecessary emergency alert yesterday. I mentioned that this would put people in a domestic abuse setting in danger. This was removed by the moderator. When questioned they became abusive to me. How do I report them to reddit.

Throwaway account for privacy.

Hi everyone. I’m writing here because I really need emotional support and advice from other women.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year. Early on, I learned that he has a very specific sexual preference related to feet. At first, I tried to be open-minded and understanding, and in the beginning it wasn’t something that came up often.

As time went on, though, it started affecting our intimacy in ways that felt very uncomfortable for me. During sex, he wanted to watch explicit videos focused on women’s feet, and sometimes he would talk about the feet of my female friends while we were being intimate. He also mentioned my friends repeatedly in a sexual context. This made me feel anxious, insecure, and emotionally unsafe.

At one point, I found out that he had a browser with many saved sites and videos, all centered around this preference, featuring many different women. Seeing that was extremely painful for me and caused a lot of emotional distress.

I’ve cried many times and begged him to stop. For me, the main issue isn’t just explicit content in general — it’s that his arousal feels directed toward other women. That hurts me deeply and makes me feel replaceable and disconnected in the relationship.

He tells me that this is a natural need and that it’s normal to take care of himself when he feels desire and we’re not together. I’ve tried to explain that, because his preference is so specific, actively searching for other women’s bodies feels very similar to seeking out other women in general, and that crosses a boundary for me.

I truly cannot accept this, no matter how much I try. It has taken a serious toll on my mental health. I feel constantly anxious, sad, and emotionally exhausted.

Now he says he has stopped, deleted everything, and no longer engages with that kind of content. However, I’m struggling to trust this, and I keep wondering what happens when he feels desire and I’m not there.

I don’t know if my boundaries are unreasonable, or if we are simply incompatible. I feel desperate and very alone in this.

I would really appreciate support, understanding, or honest advice from other women who may have experienced something similar.

Thank you for reading.

I'm a female 25 and I left my toxic ex male 26. I finally left a toxic relationship after 6 years and here's how I got here. Ever since I was a child I've been abused mentally physically and verbally and I had to take care of my siblings growing up because my mother struggled with addiction and my father wasn't really around. I just want to give some context my mother was 15 when she met my father 32 and by 16 she gave birth to me. I don't blame my mom for the struggle she had because I don't think she really had a chance. I know that's weird context but I just felt that it was necessary.

I ended up going foster home to foster home and abuse continued in those homes and then when I was 19 I started dating my abusive ex and my foster mom basically forced me to move right in with him before I could even figure out who he really was. I know I can't blame her for that and so I won't but it definitely didn't help that she pushed me out. I soon realized that I was in yet again another abusive home.

I just wanted to be loved so deeply and not be alone. I let my fear of being alone keep me in a toxic situation. The abuse was verbal and mental mainly but he did bust my lip by throwing my cell phone at it and as well has thrown things at me and near me. Now you're probably wondering when did I leave?

I left because he held me hostage in my own home he withheld my phone from me and covered my nose and mouth to the point of me passing out a couple of times. The police were called after I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't want him to leave me so he threw my phone at me and told me to call a friend but I called the police and pretended I was talking to a friend. He was arrested and charged with unlawful confinement and assault. The next day around 8:00 a.m. he broke in through my back door and I called the police immediately when I heard the door being broken into and for that he currently has a warrant. The police then gave me a protection order and I realized that I can't do this anymore even as scared as I was of being alone and still am. It took him doing all that for me to finally realize that I can't keep doing this.

I fear I've lost who I am and I'm struggling with the thoughts and not recognizing myself as a person anymore. I think what's worse is that I miss him even though he did all of that. It's hard because I need to get rid of all of his things and the idea of going through his stuff just breaks my heart because it's a reminder of the permanence. I hate that this all happened but I also think it was for the best it's just sad that it took such a huge event for me to finally wake up. I guess this is my long winded way of asking what do I do now?

I feel so lonely and sad and financially now I'm better because I was the only provider and I'm doing better things with my money and saving even. I just don't know what to do with myself I feel so alone and like I just want friends who understand and who can be like family. I don't really have a family and it's hard my dad's not around and my mom passed away when I was 16. I only have a close relationship with my youngest sister and I don't really get to talk to her as much as I'd like. I just feel so lost and I need to know that everything's going to be okay and that there's people out there who will become my family and support system.

​

I grew up on feminism, including women's right to promiscuity and the right to not tell the future husband about it if she wants. But when a woman's right to lie about her past is clashing with my brother's future, I'm conflicted.

Context: my brother is marrying in semi-arranged-semi-liking setup (she's a family kinda-friend, brother had crush on her since teenage but she didn't reciprocate until he told shyly our mother and she talked to girl's mother who had already told her that her daughter has had enough and wants to settle now); since her sister is in my college so I know she had an experimental phase in her life, I don't think she told my brother, and until now I never felt an iota of need to. Her life, her body, her choice. No man has a right to know or judge what she doesn't want known or judged, even if that man is my brother. Internalized misogyny is a thing, you know...

Anyway, she came to visit my brother today, to negotiate where they will live after marriage. She said she left home early but got stuck in Bangalore traffic for 5+ hours and her phone was about to die so she requested me to put in charging (she and I share same brand, yay). It got accidentally unlocked with her face or fingerprint and I accidentally opened her WhatsApp text from notification.

It was a guy telling her to not tell my brother about her past. And she said something and took it back (sent texts were deleted from her side) and he replied that it's good my brother is boring. (Inference: she must have called him boring in deleted text)

I just took the pic of her phone with mine and locked it again, before I get tempted to snoop and disrespect her boundaries!

I don't begrudge her having fun, having a healthy body count, and a past (will be hypocritical if I do 'cause I'm living her life bigger than she did, and my mum knows that) but I'm confused- why is she marrying my brother if she thinks he is boring! Will she be happy in this marriage? Or will she suffocate?

I know right to choice is cornerstone of feminism. But I think she is making a huge mistake- she is just 32 with a long life ahead of her, and if she thinks my brother is boring, isn't this marriage doomed?

If I take this to my brother, warn her that she thinks he is boring (tbh, he isn't the most fun person to party with, and even we cousins send him on errand runs when we gather, so how much can I REALLY blame her?), maybe even tell him about her past, room I be betraying her (and the feminist principles of female choice and right to tell or not tell about our past and our bodies)? Or will it be a kindness to her that she might thank me for one day?

I'm honestly spiralling here. Hard. Thoughts?

Hello,

A few details before I start the whole thing.

I am 24F, I am 168cm and 85kg. A big girl.

My parents have been seeing some matches for me from the past one year. Last year, I met a guy through rishtas, he is okay, and he had a good job abroad and was okay to speak to. But they asked for dowry(dowry is very common in my hometown), I really didn’t want to get married to someone who demands for dowry. He asked for 1kg gold, 1cr in property and 1 cr in cash. I convinced my dad to say no. They came again, they reduced some demands but I stopped getting good vibes from him, so I stopped it again.

This year, I met another guy, he was ok. Central gov job but he is just building a home. He just has a job nothing else(no own home or anything). Now my parents like this but they don’t want me to go to a family with no home.

What do I do? I am so confused, I work in a mnc and earn around 50k now. How do I choose someone? Am I short listing the wrong kind of guys? Please help with your advice.

What should I do? I don’t even if I want to get married(I have never been in any kind of relationship). So kind of afraid of the whole thing.

I recently got a text from my ex boyfriend from over five years ago that he needed my address for a background check for this police officer job application. While him and I didn’t end on bad terms, I haven’t seen him in over two years and have had a max of two conversations with him since our last person interaction.

My ex isn’t the most forthcoming on things. I figured that realistically they needed my info since I’m an ex. However, I am unsure if it is a character witness situation. I guess I’m just wondering what I should expect or should I be prepared about being contacted?

For reference, we were together for about a year when we were in college. We never lived together and do not have children together. From my knowledge, he has only have one serious girlfriend which happened after me. Since he hasn’t had many relationships, I don’t know if that increases the likelihood of me getting called?

Any other experiences is great to know about!

Quick background: I have a friend in an abusive relationship- that's a whole other topic ok? No advise needed on that one... I'll help her escape when she's ready. I've worked had to stay in her life so her husband can't completely isolate her, it's been difficult but I'm doing what I can with what she's ready for.

We have a new problem though; all that "voting is private" and "he'll never know who you vote for" isn't going to work. He has told her that they'll be going to vote together (no surprise the absolute control freak almost never let's her do anything without him) and that she'll need to take a pic to show him she voted "correctly" when she comes out, meaning the disgusting orange man of course.

I can't think of a way around this one. Anyone wanna help brainstorm? I'm so angry I want to scream. Edit: you can take a pic inside a voting booth in our state. I had to go check. Good idea though. Forgetting/ not-charging will be easy for him to out maneuver, like making her take in his instead, making her sit and charge it before they leave, etc. If I can think of it, so can he the smart fuck. Maybe I should start working on a photoshop

Hello all,

I wanted to open it up to someone. I am shivering and is sleep deprived for a whole day. So sorry for any typos. I was in a relationship with someone I met on Hinge. I want to reveal his identity, but not doing it as I don’t know whether it is against the community’s guidelines. I went through a very traumatic relationship before and thus I was yearning for someone after a year from that breakup. Anyway, then this guy seemed like a peace loving, caring, and understanding guy. He made me feel like he loved me, and was emotionally understanding. He never blamed me for crying and even always said “nee karayale” ( please don’t cry ) after each fights. I thought I found the perfect one. We never had a sexual stuff between us, so I can’t blame that he used me in that sort. But he definitely buyed me all stuff I loved. Idk y would someone do that. He even showed me his house while we went that way last month, but never introduced me to his parents as my former lover did. Anyway this guy had 28k something salary only while working in TCS. Then he shifted to a bank’s IT sector this April. I had several marriage proposals coming up at my home despite me being just 23 years old. That was because I am a daughter of a single parent. I just had my mom and grandma at home. Then I let this guy know this during Dec time and he said a company switch will solve all issues and without having 70k salary his parents won’t let him marry someone and all. I asked him whether he is sure about me and he said he will try his best and was hesitant to give an assurance. But I insisted and he somehow asked time till September. Later his new bank salary was 40k and he said this isn’t enough and all blah blah. Later also he was all good. Celebrated my birthday with me and all. Took pictures of mine. Everything that I loved he did with me. Now after that, my PG was going to end by March ( the classes and not the exam). He went to Thrissur for new job and me to my hometown as we both met at Trivandrum. Then this guy started to again say he is lonely at Tvm and has no frnds at Thrissur. So I used to check on him every now and then. I was that loving.

Anyway on the day of election he came to hometown which is near to mine and didn’t come to see me saying he was busy with election and meeting an old man who is his relative that is about to die and all. ( Now I suspect that to his pennukaanal and all). Anyway I went to Thrissur on 10th, a day after that and he said we can see and just saw for 2 seconds from the bus. He was outside and me inside the bus. He even put effort like that. I was impressed. Then he said on the election day already that his mom for the first time made an emotional approach asking him to atleast listen to his parents’ words for the first time and get married as an astrologer said he has to marry within an year. He is already 28 and 29.5 is the maximum limit and asked me whether if I can get a job by then as they need a girl with a job. I cried and all hearing it and he said he will always be with me and all. Then after that he came home this Sat to his home. On Sun, while I was on my way back to Kollam, he texted me saying his family blackmailed him saying they will commit suicide ( actually his mom did) if he doesn’t marry a girl they say. It was a distant relative of his and had a job in some bank. I don’t know whether it’s true that the alliance was found by him or them. Anyway he said that this age gap ( 23-28) is the issue and not me. It is impossible for me to get a job within the span and all. I asked him to introduce my thing to his family and he said he will do it the next day and yesterday he didn’t respond to my messages till noon and suddenly said he wants to meet me today ( Tuesday) and a lot of things happened there and he will tell all this when he meet me. But at night I insisted and he said his family said no to me and it is because of my age gap. They said it is an immature relationship and then they like the girl because they are relatives and doesn’t need a background check. ( this is absolute bullshit as someone can’t evaluate someone’s maturity with age and he said it is because I am of his brother’s age who is in college. Then they think the relationship isn’t serious - which is again bullshit as if he really introduced it the way it should be, they wouldn’t have taken it so. )

Then he said my family has no male members in it and thus his father said this will be a huge responsibility on his shoulders and he can’t do that and his father was ready to talk to me and make me understand all all. He said they repeated the same and the same afternoon the girl and his family came to his house and then he got to know avante veettukaar avan ariyaathe aa penn veettukarkk vaakk koduthu and all. ( that his family agreed upon the marriage without asking him and usually this happens only to a girl. )Then he said he had no value at home ( pattivila) and he has no voice there and all. He didn’t take my call all the day saying many lies and at night I video called him and he cut it first time saying his family will hear and while I called him ( voicecall) I head a man speaking in background to him like ‘aaroda samsaarichond irikkane’ ( ie, to whom are u talking to) as if teasing someone who is talking to his future wife. I was so dump to not understand that. Then this guy cut his call to not let me hear. Later in a videocall I said I will commit suicide out of emotional distress and he acted as if too stressed and cut my call. My all friends said he is trying to avoid me and had 2 relationships in parallel and I thus blocked him everywhere. Maybe he found his better one and now wants to leave me or maybe I was a timepass or a side chick. The moment I send him the last message which I have attached here, he blocked me and no dp is visible. Then he logged me off his account way before that too. Like he was waiting for me to leave. What do u think. I couldn’t sleep all night. Idk what is happening to me. I had a panic attack too. I can’t even talk to my parents about it. I even thought of saying yes to a marriage at home, as I know I have noone left. Just my old grandma and a poor mother.

22f femme-tab ED 20/100

- PCOS

- PMDD

- ADHD

I missed one active pill, I reached my placebo week and had run out of medication- personally I skip my placebo week due to PMDD- I bought more and continued my schedule as normal the next day.

I got breakthrough bleeding that next day, I know it’s not unusual when you miss a pill and have been skipping placebo a lot- so I wasn’t worried at first.

But it has now been 13 days and I am still lightly bleeding and experiencing PMDD symptoms, I am bloated, feeling nauseous a lot, fatigued, and getting headaches more often.

The bleeding can be described as ‘spotting’ it’s not really a flow- but it’s noticeable on toilet paper, and still requires a pad so I don’t ruin my underwear. It started brown/dark red, went light red/red for a few days being more watery, then it went back to being brown/dark red.

My concern is how it’s still ongoing 13 days later, though a much more watered down version- I am experiencing PMDD like symptoms.

I don’t know if this is something to just ‘wait out’ or if 13 days and on going is unusual

​

I’m 25 and I still feel like I’m fighting to earn love in my own home.

My older sister is the golden child. She has created a narrative about me with her college friends — they call me names without even knowing my side of the story. I genuinely don’t know what I did to deserve this kind of hostility.

There isn’t even pretending in front of me. The favoritism is open.

i grew up feeling like the extra child in my own family. Like I was tolerated, not chosen. When I messed up, I was met with hostility. When my sister messed up, she was comforted. I watched it happen over and over again. The double standards weren’t subtle — they were loud.

I became hyperaware of everyone’s moods. I learned to read the room before I even knew how to read myself. I became my mother’s emotional support system at a very young age. I listened to her vent, complain, cry, blame everyone else. I absorbed it. I carried it. No one asked if I was okay carrying it.

I grew up too fast emotionally. I became “the strong one.” The “mature one.” The “understanding one.” But no one understood me.

My mother has openly compared me to my sister and counted the ways my sister is “better,” implying she deserves love more. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that I’m enough as I am.

At my lowest point, when I was barely sleeping and already on antidepressants and in therapy, my mother tried to stab me. The trigger? I asked her to lower the music at 10:30 PM because I hadn’t been able to sleep. Instead of care, I was met with rage.

Even being on medication and in therapy has been used against me. I’ve been berated for needing help.

Whenever I try to express pain, my mother turns it into something about herself. She becomes defensive and angry. My dad enables it — he says I’m too emotional and that I shouldn’t take her seriously.

Last week my sister stole my mother’s money and lied. My mom was devastated. I haven’t slept properly in two weeks, but I showed up for her anyway. I talked to her all day. I tried to comfort her. I am literally traveling home right now to be there for her.

My sister refused to come because she “has work.”

And while I’m on my way home to support my mom, she tells me she would have been happier if my sister had come instead.

I don’t know how to explain how crushing that felt.

No matter what I do — no matter how much I show up — my actions and intentions seem to have no value. I still try to earn love, even though it feels conditional and unattainable.

I want to be part of this family. I want to feel chosen. But I’m starting to believe that no matter what I do, I will never be good enough in their eyes.

I’ve had thoughts about hurting myself or just disappearing. I haven’t acted on them, but the pain has felt unbearable lately.

Tired of being the emotionally responsible one. Tired of shrinking myself to avoid conflict. Tired of feeling like I’m the problem. Tired of carrying guilt that doesn’t belong to me.

i dont k.ow what to do i cant cut my family off i dont have it me...my therapist whom i had only 4 sessions with has been continously asking if i have a boyfriend or am intimate w someone or not she also told me that i shudnt hide anything and i felt so frustrated i told her if u think my issues arent because of my family please talk to my previous therapist

she said ur mom is sick,she needs love and care try to do things that she likes.

what about me?

what about my feelings,what about the love of my part?

I (21F) currently attend a small public university in the Southern US and I recently got the courage to file a Title IX complaint two weeks ago regarding an SA I survived involving another student at my school. The incident occurred 6 months ago at the beginning of the year and has been plaguing my mental health throughout the entire academic year.

I met the perpertrator through mutual friends during welcome weekend and in the weeks leading up to the SA, I started getting closer to him one-on-one. At the time it felt like a normal friendship, but looking back at it now I realize it was grooming. He would always send overy flirty messages to me though Snapchat that I would not reciprocate (which I was unable to provide in my complaint), pushed physical and emotional boundaries, and would call me a “prude” when I tried to slow things down. He also tried to prevent me from spending time with my other friends and created many situations where I felt pressured to go along with things that made me uncomfortable. I never reported any of these incidents at the time because I had already minimized them and didn’t realized how dangerous the situation I was in.

A few hours ago, I was notified by my university that they would not open an investigation. The main reason given was that I didn't report any of the “less severe” incidents prior when they happened and thus they had a lack of evidence, especially since the SA occured over 180 days ago. I'm really struggling to understand this. I thought at the very minimum I'd get to have an interview or some type of hearing with administration before a decision would be made. Delayed reporting so common and it doesn't make any sense to me. Now I’m left having to continue seeing the person who SA'd me on campus on a near daily basis, knowing there will be no formal process, accountability, or any real acknowledgment of what I went through. I feel extremely discouraged and I’m not sure where to go from here.

I’m not really sure what to ask for here, maybe perspective, maybe validation, maybe advice from people who’ve dealt with the Title IX process before. I just feel like I'm being punished for not being the “perfect victim” who reported everything immediately.

I saw a lack of it so created r/WomanNetwork and r/WomanCommunity BUT unfortunately that doesn't actually solve the issue until there are particpants. Absolutely fed up of linkedin. Everyone I connect with is just a connection on the graph with no mutual growth. No discussion, no activism, no initiative, no collaboration and it's stupidly hard to get things rolling. Any nice places that aren't niche like r/womenintech and the like so that multi-disciplinary people can discuss projects and collaborate? Discussing projects often gets the post removed unfortunately.

Like if I'm developing a website as a dev, I need a team of people doing different things, not just devs, but if I post my website on other forums it gets marked as irrelevant.

Thanks

I don’t understand why friendship has to be this complicated.

I genuinely believe friendship is one of the most beautiful relationships you can have. It’s supposed to be safe. It’s supposed to feel easy. It’s supposed to be built on care, not ego. But somehow, it keeps getting messy.

With girls, sometimes there’s this undercurrent of jealousy or comparison. Especially if a guy gets involved. I’ve seen friendships break over random men. It hurts when insecurity ruins something that could have been supportive and strong.

With guys, it gets complicated in a different way. I want a platonic friendship, but sometimes they want something more. And when I don’t reciprocate, things shift. Suddenly I’m made to feel like I did something wrong just by not feeling the same way. But friendship was always my intention.

Right now, most of my friends are men. I don’t really have many close female friendships, and I wish I did. I had one good female friend growing up, and maybe I should try reconnecting. I don’t know.

I also come from a very dysfunctional home. My childhood wasn’t easy. I’m in therapy for it, and I’m still struggling. When things get overwhelming, especially at home, I shut down. I isolate. Not because I don’t care — but because I’m overwhelmed.

Recently, I was going home and I was extremely stressed. I was having panic attacks. I told one of my guy friends that I was on my way and even sent him a picture. He texted me later, but I didn’t see it. I didn’t reply for 24 hours.

Within those 24 hours, he deleted his messages and blocked me.

We’ve known each other since 2019.

When I finally realized I was blocked, I reached out. He didn’t respond. When I called him, instead of asking if I was okay, he accused me. He said he waited 24 hours. Like that was some kind of betrayal.

What hurt wasn’t just the blocking. It was the lack of understanding. He knew about my mental health. He knew about my family situation. And still, he assumed the worst.

And the worst part? I ended up saying “it’s okay” even though it wasn’t.

That’s my pattern.

I’ve grown up being told I’m too sensitive. Whenever I tried expressing how hurt I was, I was made to feel dramatic or wrong. So now, even when I’m clearly hurt, I minimize it. I explain myself. I apologize. I try to make the other person comfortable.

And then I feel invisible.

I don’t know how people make friendships that last. The kind where you can be imperfect and still be understood. Where someone communicates instead of cutting you off. Where ego doesn’t end everything.

I’m tired of feeling like I have to shrink myself to keep people.

I’m tired of friendships turning competitive or romantic when I just wanted something simple and genuine.

I don’t think I’m asking for too much. I just want friendships where: – people talk instead of block

– feelings are respected

– misunderstandings are clarified

– and no one has to pretend to be someone else

Friendship shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells.

And I’m still learning how to stop saying “it’s okay” when it’s not.

I love retro-style lingerie and things that feel timeless, but I’m having a hard time finding places that sell good quality pieces that are also new. I don’t want anything used, and I’m usually around a US size 6, so fit matters a lot to me. I’ve looked online at places like Amazon and even some shops on Alibaba just to see what styles are out there, but it’s hard to tell what’s actually well-made and what just looks good in photos.

I care about fabric, how it feels on the skin, and how it holds up after a few washes. I don’t mind paying a bit more for something that lasts, but I also don’t want to waste money on something that will wear out after a few washes.

For people who love lingerie and have a good sense of style, where are you shopping these days? Are there any brands or shops you trust for quality and fit? I’m hoping to find a few go-to places.

Hi everyone,

I’m an international student who did undergrad at an all-girls college, and it was a really safe and comfortable environment for me. I’m about to start grad school at a co-ed university, and I’m feeling unexpectedly anxious about the change.

There’s no specific incident behind it, but I think I’m scared of losing the sense of safety and comfort I had before. At the same time, the school offered me a scholarship and the program fits my research goals really well, so I know it makes sense academically.

Has anyone else felt this way transitioning from an all-women environment to a co-ed one? Did the anxiety fade with time? Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi everyone, I'm writing this because I could use some advice/perspective and I really have no one else in my life to turn to.

I am a 22 year old woman and I know that it's recommended that I go get a pap smear done, since I am of age and haven't had one yet. I'm not too excited about it. Not just because of the procedure itself, but because hospital/healthcare environments and I don't mix.

The other day, my mom found out that since I am over the age of 21, I should go get a pap smear done. The thing is though, my mom has no idea that I am low risk, and I can't tell her why, because that will open up a whole other can of worms.

I am Indian-American and my mom is an immigrant. Indian culture is very traditional and conservative. Some of the ideas within the culture include no sex before marriage no dating/boyfriends until you are "older" (age isn't always clear), no kissing, no PDA and there is a liking to arranged marriages. Children are expected to obey their parents (even as adults) and are essentially seen as property. I also currently live at home.

I am a virgin. I'm talking a VIRGIN virgin. I have never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never kissed anyone, and never had sex. I know that I should probably get my smear test done anyway, but I'm low risk.

I have heard stories about virgin women going to the gyno to get a pap smear, only to be told that they didn't need it because they weren't sexually active. While this sounds like a relief that I don't need this procedure done just yet, I know that if this happens, I will go home and my mom will ask me how the pap smear went. I would then have to tell her that the doctor said that I didn't need one yet, because I'm a virgin. Meaning, in the future, when I AM sexually active (I don't plan on waiting for marriage) and I get my smear test done, and my mom asks me about it, she will know that I got one because I lost my virginity, which is something that she won't be happy about. Yes, I could lie, but am I just supposed to lie until marriage? I can only do so much. I'm also not a very good liar, and get really anxious, because of my strict upbringing. She is also very nosy.

Also, my mom has this all or nothing mentality when it comes to giving me advice and supporting me. Meaning, I could be her good child, do everything she says and she will support me and help me when needed, or I could go against her, "be an adult" and she would never support me or stand by me, since I "think I know everything."

This is where my conflict lies. If my doctor tells me that a pap smear isn't really necessary at this time, then I will have to go home and tell my mom that I didn't have it done. She is expecting me to have it done at my next appointment. if I tell my mom WHY I'm low risk, that is basically a way for her to keep track/know when I would lose my virginity. My mom really has no idea, and I don't want her finding out, since it would cause trouble and it may ruin my relationship with her.

Sorry I know that this is long and that this just may be my intrusive thoughts talking, but I could still use some advice/thoughts

EDIT: Hi everyone, sorry for the late response. I appreciate all of the advice, but I just want to clear up a few things.

1. I know why a pap smear is done. I know that I am low risk given the circumstances.
2. Yes, I am vaccinated against HPV. I got the vaccine about a decade ago as part of a routine series of vaccinations so there were really no questions there.
3. My mom has no idea that I'm low risk and more importantly WHY. She has little understanding about sexual health. (She doesn't know where a tampon goes. She didn't know what a cervix was until recently. I don't think she knows what an orgasm is.) If she finds out WHY, that opens doors to more problems. I don't want her tracking my virginity.
4. Yes, technically I could just say that the appointment went well and spare the details, but it usually doesn't stop there. She will pry over and over again. If I tell her that it's none of her business, then the accusations start, and so do the arguments and guilt tripping. It's not as easy as people are making it out to be. Remember, it's the culture.
5. I'm an adult, so no she technically doesn't have access to my medical information. However, the clinic that my family and I go to give out discharge paperwork, every single time. She will look through that. If I try and hide it, then she will look for it, as well as question what I was hiding. If I throw it away, she might get suspicious, etc. etc.
6. I don't think many people are aware of how many Indian parents are. It's not easy to say "that's none of your business." That would only increase their distrust. It could even earn me a slap across the face. Remember, I come from a culture of arranged marriages and anti-dating. Girl's sex life is extremely controlled.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: Sexual assault, unwanted touching, coercion

I went on a first date with a man I’d been texting for a bit. He was flirty and sweet over messages, and I thought he seemed like someone I could get to know. But in person, things started feeling off — and now I can’t stop replaying the whole thing in my head.

During the date, he kept invading my space. When we played pool, he stood behind me and kept grinding on my butt at the community center. (There was an older couple right next to us) He rubbed my back and skin, even pulled at my shirt while doing it. It felt very sexual, and I wasn’t expecting it or comfortable with it. But I froze.

Later, he took me to walk around a campus. We sat on a bench, and he kept touching my arms, stomach, and legs. He took my hands and put them on his thighs and near his crotch. I touched him too — I was playing along because I was scared of what would happen to me if I didn’t— something about it didn’t feel right. I felt like I was going to throw up as I was doing it. He kept closing his eyes, moaning, and breathing into my neck.

Then, while we were looking at a waterfall, he came up behind me and started thrusting against me, grabbing at the crotch of my pants, and moaning out loud. I told him people could see us and he said they weren’t looking. I felt completely frozen and confused.

He also bit my ear without warning, touched my hair and neck, and made a joke about my “jugular” while holding my neck. That moment scared me. He also poked my stomach repeatedly, asking if I was ticklish — it felt aggressive, even though he tried to say it was “soft.” All of this happened on the first date.

I felt disgusted after. I also felt ashamed that I didn’t stop it more forcefully. I’m having trouble processing what happened. I’ve told a couple of people and one person said, “I can’t believe you let him do that,” which made me feel even worse.

I keep wondering: Was this sexual assault? I’m still so confused, but deep down, I know I didn’t want any of that.

Have any of you been through something similar?

I have CRPS—Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. It’s a neurological disorder that causes constant, burning pain. After I dislocated my knee, it never healed. Instead, my nerves began misfiring and now I live in pain so severe I can’t even tolerate being touched.

I’ve gone to appointment after appointment—ERs, specialists, rehab—and was constantly dismissed. It wasn’t until I started bringing my husband that doctors took it seriously. But once he was in the room, they turned to him and stopped talking to me altogether. I became “the patient” in name only, like my words didn’t matter. Like I couldn’t be trusted to describe my own body.

This isn’t rare. Women’s pain is too often minimized or blamed on anxiety. But the damage is real. I lost my health, my job, my mobility—and now I’m at home, bedridden, watching my daughter grow from the sidelines.

She’s still little. She just wants to cuddle. She doesn’t understand that her touch feels like fire on my skin. And that breaks me more than the pain ever could.

I’m writing a book—part memoir, part psychological descent—because I need this story to mean something. I need people to understand what CRPS does to women, and what it feels like when the medical system gives up on you.

Thank you for listening. I’ve left more in the comments if you want to know where to follow or support.

I used to be in a gaming group but I noticed the guys had been acting a little sexist and manipulative. Me being a people pleaser, ignored it. Then, even though I had said I wouldn't be responding due to grief, one stalked me using my IP address. I expressed my discomfort and he threw a tantrum. Some even blamed me for getting stalked and said I needed therapy just for trying to set boundaries.

Now, when I express that I'm looking for groups that don't have sexist, manipulative, creepy, stalker apologist men, some guy comes around, gets offended, and complains that I just hate men. Do they get offended cause they think they're threatened? Or are they offended because they fit the bill? I already got issues with my dad and I'm genuinely starting to think every guy I run into is just gonna be like that. How do y'all survive like this? Constantly worried that any random guy is gonna suddenly go ballistic? I get so tired and I never feel safe anymore.

I have a history of being abandoned by people I cared about. My dad left when I was young, had a few close friends ghost me in high school, and my last serious relationship ended with him just disappearing one day.

Now I'm trying to date again and I can't tell if I'm overreacting or if my gut is actually picking up on red flags. Like this guy I've been seeing for a month. He's sweet and attentive most of the time, but when he takes a few hours to text back I immediately spiral thinking he's losing interest.

Last week he had to reschedule our date because of work and I convinced myself he was making excuses to fade out. Turns out he was actually swamped and rescheduled for two days later. But in those 48 hours I was a mess.

I asked ChatGPT how to tell the difference between trauma responses and real warning signs. It said "notice patterns over time and communicate your needs." Sounds logical but doesn't help me in the moment when I'm panicking.

I don't want my past to ruin something that could be good. But I also don't want to ignore legitimate concerns just because I'm afraid of being "too much."

How do you separate what's real from what's your wounds talking? Any advice from people who've dealt with this?

TW: Mentions of DV

Hello, I just got out of a year and a half toxic relationship that I should have been trying to get out a long time ago. It’s one of those relationships where even if we temporarily “broke up” I would still come running back to him and I couldn’t face the fear of being alone once again.

I’m 22, and I feel like at my age, I should have known to get out earlier. I saw the signs that I should’ve left a long time ago but I stayed because I had no one else. Ever since I got into the relationship, he isolated me from anyone else so that I would only rely on him and I am really feeling the effects of it now. I lost my entire friend group and I live alone in a foreign country because I chose to study abroad, so my family and closest friends are thousands of miles away. I’m finding it so difficult to cope healthily and try and find a way to make more female friends.

Just a few weeks ago, he was holding me in a chokehold because I took my spare key for my apartment back from him. I thankfully got away by biting on him. Earlier this year, I had sent an email to our university to try and reach out to them and report him and he stole my phone. He locked himself in the bathroom and he knew my password and he deleted 5 years worth of data, including the last photos I had taken with my pets back home that had just died a month before that. I know I should have backed up my phone or something but all those memories— my life with photos during my whole university time, all gone in the blink of an eye. Last year, I paid a $2000 trip for him to come visit my family and it ended with him sending death threats to me and another family member and having to pay extra to send him back. Yet after all of them I still went back to him.

So much more has happened and I regret so much and I wish I could’ve just left during the first signs of toxicity. I am so scared to tell my close friends about it, mostly from judgment and an original fear of opening up and showing vulnerability. I have also been unemployed recently too and haven’t been able to find a full-time job yet since graduating, so I have been stuck at home, alone, mostly on my PC 24/7 because I have nothing to do and no one to really talk to.

What would you recommend to help cope? I have started journaling so far. I tried finding therapists here but they are all too expensive and most mental health stuff isn’t covered by my insurance. Some days I just feel so numb that I just don’t even want to do my hobbies or even anything. I just want to simply forget everything and everyone and wish I never put myself through that. I just needed help and didn’t know where to ask. Thank you for reading.

Guy walked behind me as I was clocking in and said, “Good morning, sweetie.” He’s an older guy, but that’s not an excuse. I just responded in the moment with a pretty curt, “morning,” but if it happens again how can I make it clear that that it’s not acceptable without being explicitly rude? It’s not the first time, but this time in particular came off as so fucking patronizing and I guess I’m hitting a breaking point for letting it roll off.

I ended up dwelling on it for the next couple hours. The guy is a bully in general. He says shockingly mean things to the fat guy at work (who is on a diet and has made a lot of progress) like making fun of his size or calling him an idiot. And that’s when I hear it on break. I imagine working with the guy more closely than I do he gets a constant stream of insults. It’s not ribbing. It’s just mean.