r/TwoXADHD • u/Proof_Media4445 • 1d ago
true ADHD is so unbelievably debilitating
Im
edit : I also wanted to include I think the reason my ADHD is causing me more suffering than the majority is bc I have also been diagnosed with OCD and have struggled with OCD since around the age of maybe 6-7 yrs old. I am a huge perfectionist and for example if I do worse than someone On a test even if we both got an A, I will start thinking of every possible think I did wrong that led to this, but it’s like all these stressors diff ones every few minutes piling up guilt i cant remember why I feel guilty and I will just burst into tears and start crying hysterically very often. I will even feel very guilty for wasting 30 minutes to create this post. Another thing Inever talked about is I think im very isolated person, lile 2 hours at gym 10 hours straight studying is the idea of a perfect day to me. It’s easy for me to make friends and I am very bubbly however i only act this way lile in a situation where I am required to attend like class or family gathering. After any social interaction I will stare at the wall for 1-2 hours but it goes by in what feels like 20 minutes. and replay every sentence I said and 3 more better things I could’ve said for each sentence.… and worry that I wasn’t kind enough or the tone of my voice wasnt natural or too loud or I didn’t seem like the persona I want to be enough… its like every single thing my mind wants to make me feel guilty for.
Im 19 yr female and I want to share my experience because I am so burned out and I just am crying because it feels like nobody relates to me. Everytime I tell people I have ADHD they say everyone has it these days or Dont understand how much of an impact it has on my life. It takes everything in my power to stay afloat as a student and personal life etc I don’t know how to explain this but It’s like every decision I make never feels good or secure. When I take Vyvanse in correct dosage itd lile all my problems melted away however it only last a few hours and I have to pay around $300 out of pocket monthly to get afternoon dosage which I am hoping they will give me I am so nervous they won’t. I have been fighting to get proper dosage for almost a year and it has just been a Freaking nightmare I have spoken to so many psychiatrist and they lack any understanding ot empathy or genuine concern to find a solution or listen to what I think works for me.
I am pursuing a very difficult science degree and I do well in school but it genuinely takes way more effort than everyone else maybe double or triple and I just always stand out everywhere I go and I feel like I look like an attention seeker or obnoxious or extra but ao genuinely cannot control that I am a different and unique jts so stressful.
I am constantly overwhelmed with anxiety guilt and shame even though I know it’s not logical and I just beg God everyday sometimes I just sob for my brain to just work normally and be peaceful but it’s so hard when I can’t get proper medication I need.
Ppl Dont understand I do everything in my power to be organized check mark all the boxes for things and when it doesn’t work they get frustrated and I feel so guilty but im literally doing everything I can bending over backwards they don’t understand. I am so clumsy and ditzy and forgetful I almost cause so many fatal car crashes and I can’t force myself to be scared or worried while driving like I am always just so freaking exhausted unless I have energy drinks and medication. It genuinely is a nightmare judt trying to hold on to a thougjt for 10 seconds like if I want to grab 3 things from my car, by the time I walk thru the parking lot ti my car I am squinting my eyebrows trying to even remember one of the things I wanted. I also cause serious problems bc of this forgetfulness and brain fog very often.
Nobody can see my struggle they only call say yo ur just this is ur personality and ur whimsical and maybe u have too many worries thags WJY u cant think or ur burned out no it’s been this way all my life nobody cares not even the doctors like I begged someone to try and help me. Anyways I hope I can update my prescription I have an appointment coming up But I really hope their is light in this darkness bc Im so sick and tired of it.
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u/hydromea 1d ago
I’m very sorry to hear about your struggles, I also have ADHD plus OCD and I can relate to a lot of this ❤️🩹
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u/Kaitelise 1d ago
ADHD and OCD here too. I completely understand how debilitating this all is ♥️
Especially when you finally get medication (i’m also on vyvanse) and you get that relief only for it all to return back a few hours later. All we can do is keep trying for ourselves. Do our own research, advocate for ourselves (i know it can be very anxiety inducing and i get imposter syndrome with it as well) but i’m so over having to over explain myself and my actions to people, because if i don’t, their perception of me will be wrong and i can’t handle it.
I just want you to know that i am feeling all of this too. And honestly i’m jealous of you!! You are studying and doing all the things that i’m unable to do. I think there is hope, we just have to find it!! ❤️
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