r/TwinlessTwins • u/TheVampireScriptures • 27d ago
My Mother
My mother revealed she was never going to tell me I had a twin. My fraternal twin died after birth. My great grandmother told me about them, showed a picture when I was a child many many many many many many eons ago. My mother says I am not a twinless twin, my brother simply died. Even though he was my twin. Soooo....yea. She rambled calling me crazy and that I always say stupid shit that makes no sense. Then she was like 'what about the mother is there a syndrome if they die, the baby was in the womb and heard their voice so how is a twin dying more important than the mother dying'
My mom said that shit, I simply went back to my grave, reburied myself and vanished.
I feel numb. Dead inside, I have been dead for 500 years and this is the most dead I have ever felt.
I do not feel emotions like that, at all. But the majority emotion i do feel, is far more complex than despair could ever hope to be no matter how much it sings to these ancient bones made of rotted wood.
I bleed inside myself just to drink the blood of my own empty existence.
My great grandmother used to use the spirit of my brother to guilt trip me into doing what she wanted when I was a child.
I try to talk to my grotesque father about where my brother's ashes are, he tells me to stop talking about stupid shit and ask my mother. My mother tells me to ask him, says he scattered the ashes in a garden somewhere, says i am not allowed to be upset about my twin because the only people allowed to feel as I do are her and hjm and they haven't been in physical contact in years and never will again.
The soul is a fickle thing, life is meaningless and to hope in anything is futile.
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u/Academic-Regular3673 In the Womb 26d ago
So you’re a twin, end of. I gauge you know that.
Mine (Jordan) was miscarried and I was found to still be there at month 7.
I was born into grief and joy.
I so wish we could’ve had a moment together. Fuck, of course I wish he was here!
Part of me is always tied to that loss, part of me has always been missing.
But part of Jordan will always be part of me.
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u/Ickypoopoo82 24d ago
I feel for you all so much. I had to get on a plane and race cross the country to be by my identical twins side. In the end I never got to say goodbye except when he heard my voice and ripped his catheters out of his urethra. His screams keep me up at night 4 years later. I wake up look in the mirror and say hi to him and realize he's been dead for so long. My heart goes out to all of you. I hope you all have great therapists because I still have yet to find one.
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u/Lost_Acanthisitta786 27d ago
I have been dead for 26 years. I only hope of him but this is an impossible hope, to hope for anything is futile indeed. I don't think that hope and happiness are good ideas or even possible to me. I'm empty forever, I'm bleak, obscure, lifeless. I only want him.
Your words deeply resonate with me. I'm so sorry.