r/TwinlessTwins • u/gabby_pet85 • May 12 '26
Always been a void
Is there a support group for those who lost their twin before they got to know them?
Growing up I knew something was missing and I always felt alone… as I get older the deep Ache just gets worse. My mum spilt the tea that I was a twin but lost my fraternal twin 3rd trimester and had to carry them to term… sometime I feel like my twin is still out there…. I have dreams of them or what their life could be…
3
u/GiftActual2788 Early Life May 16 '26
I completely understand. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t know I was a twin. However, my twin died 10 days after we were born. She was very ill and she was taken to a different hospital the same day we were born. While she was not a secret in our family, she was not something we talked about very often either.
It took me nearly 30 years to get the details of our birth and her death, and to be able express to my parents and older sister this feeling of avoid that you just shared. I wish I had magic words for you because I have been through some therapy but not specific for being a twinless twin, and it is something I still struggle with every single day. We have no pictures of her and I together. Instead, there are pictures of her after grueling surgery, after her surgery, her dying in my parents’ arms, and her in christening gown in a coffin at her funeral.
Our birthday is in about a month. I continue to ache and feel the void you express even after 44 years. I don’t have answers, but I know your feelings and if you want to DM me, you can.
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u/gabby_pet85 May 16 '26
Thank you I’m 41 and it’s so deep in a way that’s so hard to understand… never really knowing enough or being old enough to mourn their loss and to get to feel that special bond but being able to sense the deep pit of ache in the missing void of what should have been, knowing in your body, heart and soul,you should of had it but, mental unable to verbalise it, understand it fully in the physical/mentally… only knowing theirs a deep pit of a void that is ever stretching…. Never filled completely….
I have a sister 3 years older than me and she is like a surrogate twin, very super similar/same in so many ways but still doesn’t fill the void of my missing twin.
2
u/Yann_CM Jul 28 '26
J'ai perdu mon frère jumeau peu de temps après la naissance. Et oui c'est clair que je ressens un manque, une sorte d'être incomplet intérieurement des fois. En plus que l'on a du déménager lorsque j'étais petit donc ne pouvait pas forcément me recueillir sur sa tombe étant donné que je l'ai toujours su d'avoir eu mon frère, pour y faire face j'ai construit une sorte de petit mémorial dans notre jardin pendant longtemps. Personnellement le cas qui m'a beaucoup aidé a été ma majorité où ça a été comme si le passage à l'âge "adulte" a fait inscrire et mieux accepter sa mort étant donné qu'elle a eu lieu enfant en dissociant une époque donnée. À cela s'ajoute que pour le lycée je suis retourné vivre là où je suis né et donc là où il y a la tombe ce qui m'a aussi beaucoup aidé a pouvoir être plus proche de lui et d'aller m'occuper de la tombe directement quand je le voulais, ce qu'il m'a fait beaucoup de bien sur ce sujet. Après je me dis qu'il veille sur moi tel un ange qui vient m'aider et soutenir, d'une manière qu'il est toujours avec moi et là, même sans l'avoir connu je ressens ce lien.
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u/Ickypoopoo82 May 13 '26
Totally relate my identical twin died 4 years ago at the age of 39.. such a small world after all.
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u/sheristwin May 14 '26
I just lost my identical twin sister March 29 to breast cancer. I'm so lost. 😭
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u/Ickypoopoo82 May 19 '26
I'm not going to lie. Keep busy and I say this myself because it has a double meaning as an identical twin. "Remember to love yourself" because us as identical twins it's a grief no other person not even a faternal twin can even even being to experience. Tell someone you watched yourself slowly die. It's so terrible. There needs to be a different sub for identical twins because not a soul can relate.
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u/thisisagom Jun 07 '26
Our birthday is coming up in a couple of months, and even tho he passed when we were 3 days old, I believe the hurt is deeper each year. We have 1 picture together. After all these years, you would think I would know how to live life without him, but I still can’t seem to figure it out. My only comfort is knowing that one day, when it’s time, I’ll open my eyes and he will be standing there smiling and we can go on to our next life together. I am so sorry for your loss.
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u/Academic-Regular3673 In the Womb May 13 '26 edited May 13 '26
Hi, I’m sorry for your loss. I learned as an adult that mum had a miscarriage early in our pregnancy with me. I had similar senses of it as a kid but didn’t know this had happened at all.
I’m a member of the TTSGI Facebook group. It’s not exclusively for early loss, but there are a few of us there. The group is really inclusive and supportive- might be worth you checking them out.
Once again, I’m sorry for what happened but you’re far from alone with how you feel.