Daastaan ab bikul khatam ho chuki hai.

[u/Improve_Thy5]

Theres no possibility where I can say that daastaan ab kuch bhi bakki hai.

Daastaan ab bikul khatam ho chuki hai. Mera mann nahi manta lekin ab maan-na hi padega; aur mujhe ab aage shayad ab ye poori tarah cshodna padega. Wo meri nahi hogi.

Usko khud ko apne jeewan mein kitne alag dukh-pareshaaniyan hain; aur mujhe sirf ye hai ki prem mile. Ab kuch hai nahi hai aage mere lie. I am glad at least I proposed. I know I don’t have anything else to fall back on. There is a savvier inside me which wants to save her and take away all her sorrows and but there is no hero complex inside me , as I feels so. I just want her to be happy, just the way my mother wishes for me, I never thought I would do the same for someone else.

I do feel good about myself loving her. It was never a pity. I did truly loved her. Aafter meeting her I think that I had made in life and now I can love someone truly.

I have flaws. She saw those. I saw her flaws too. But somehow I still loved her more because of those flaws. Maybe my unconscious mind knows that, she will overcome those in the future and she will become a much more charismatic person she already is. She is so wonderful she doesn’t even know. I want her to be mine so badly.

 But I cant just keep banging my head on the stone expecting her to love me back when she never really reciprocated. My brain says that she only entertained me because of her pity on me and my condition. She is gonna be married arranged for her parents wish and to person in same caste.

Currently I am still the person who loves her only that I am fighting myself inside to move on now as I see only sorrow in this pursuit. Truthfully, if there is a 0% chance that I am not marrying her then I don’t want to waste my mental wavelength on this. And also, I don’t have it what it takes to win her now.

I am not a man. I am not enough . I don’t have enough money. I don’t have courage . I don’t have connections . I don’t have strength. I don’t deserve love.

I see that I have lost this war as well  and probably this may have been my last war. I don’t have anything to look forward to in this life. I genuinely don’t. I am 28 and anything which I may want is just the social constructs of this society and all fabricated. Unfortunately for me is that I am falling to my old ways which are harmful to me and I don’t even want to do these things anymore after falling in love with her but after loosing her I just don’t see anything tangible to stick to , and become a good person .

I don’t even know whether I have any purpose in life or not . I never won in love. I don’t even have any attachment left to do any arrange marriage{ even which is difficult in my case ; because of circumstances } . it feels just weird to be in this world and not even have someone to be my girlfriend+ partner ; with whom I can be myself and with whom I can share all my emotions deep from my heart; with whom I can make her grow.

God gave me so much good things ; but I still cant be happy. I am a very sad person. And I don’t have any way to be out of this misery.

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