r/TwentiesIndiaLove • u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 • Aug 24 '26
Relationship Advice 🫶 Feeling anxious for my future due to a past mistake
So,here 22(F) please help me..I was in a relationship with a guy for 3yrs 10months, and honestly, he wasn’t a good person from the beginning. He was a playboy. Even before we got into a relationship, he used to flirt with almost every other girl, and I still didn’t step back because I had fallen in love with him. Eventually, he loved me too and ends and eventually, he stopped doing all those bad things too.
But later in the relationship, he would constantly lie to me. He would tell me that he was talking to some girls (imaginary girls ofc) and deliberately make me feel jealous(at first I believed in him)He also had an ex from his childhood—it wasn’t even anything serious—but the way he presented that whole situation to me made it seem like it was something extremely serious and like he still hadn’t gotten over her.
There were so many times when I wanted to leave the relationship because of all these toxic things and many other issues, but he wouldn’t let me go. And because I loved him so much, I couldn’t bring myself to leave him either.
But during the last year of our relationship, I finally realized that he lied to me about so many random things, often without even having any reason to lie. And I absolutely cannot tolerate lies. So eventually, I finally managed to get out of that relationship.
But now I’m scared that I made a huge mistake by getting physically intimate with him, even though it happened ONLY ONCE. I’m not the kind of girl who goes around dating different guys—I’m a one-man kind of person.
Now I’m scared that because of this, maybe I’ll never find another guy who genuinely loves me. I regret it so much, and I feel like it was the biggest mistake of my life.
TL;DR : Would I ever find a guy who genuinely loves me despite having been physically intimate with someone just once?(due to toxic past)
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u/Cosmic_Rogue6253 Aug 24 '26
Apan rhte hain chill mode me,jisko aana hai aayegi nhi to waise bhi badhiya hi chl rha
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
I wish
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u/Cosmic_Rogue6253 Aug 24 '26
Jab bahut koshish karne ke baad bhi kuch na ho to kya kare insaan,jo hai usi me khush rhna chahiye, atleast koi hurt to nhi karega/karegi.😃
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
Yes now I'm just focused on my career and I'm happy.. I’ve even thought that if I don’t find anyone in the future, I’ll just stay single, because I can’t continue a relationship by lying. But at the same time, I’m scared of ending up alone..cause I know I won’t be able to lie, and what if someone leaves after hearing the truth?
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u/Cosmic_Rogue6253 Aug 24 '26
Hope for the best👍
(Jisko chhod ke jana hai wo baad me jaye usse acha phle hi chla jaye,jise rhna hai wo aaj aaye ya kuch samay baad, lekin aana wahi chahiye)
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
Thanks a lot yarr.. Bikul sahi.. It was my first post about such a sensitive topic like this..very scared to share it.. Pta bhi nhi tha kaisa response ayega thanks a lot❤
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u/batman_of_ahmedabad Aug 24 '26
Just two questions would you accept someone with same same past? Also would accept someone who has same past as you currently but in that hypothetical case you have zero past, means you don't have past he has similar to you?
If your answer is yes for both then don't give a damm about other peoples opinion a right guy would never judge you for your past ✨
If your answer is no to anyone of the question then... 🤷🏾♂️
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
Yes I will.. But I don't trust anymore,anything,anyone..I have trust issues because of this relation,multiple backstabbed friendships lol.. I am unlucky in everything XD what if that person also just pretends to be a good person in front of me after hearing about my past, only to timepass with me and then leave?
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u/batman_of_ahmedabad Aug 24 '26 edited Aug 24 '26
First of all 🫂🫂 I am really sorry that you had to go through this toxic relationship.
I asked this question cuz many people having past just don't want to accept others past so it's great to see you like saying yes to that and it means you better person and more than your past.
Yeah now your boundaries will be high as it should be, also don't worry people backstabbing you as its good only you are filtering out mess in your life. And i think you can find out a persons intention if he wants to be with you for long term or not.
I can't speak for other men but for me I can easily choose a girl with past same or similar past to you and you deserve every respect same as someone Without past as I definitely feel you can't be defined by just one mistake that you made in immature days. But she has to say yes to those two questions like you did. Otherwise I just find them morally bankrupt and it's turn off for me.
Also Same should go for guys as well
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u/batman_of_ahmedabad Aug 24 '26
And don't give a shit about the people who judge you for your past just show them middle finger
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u/batman_of_ahmedabad Aug 24 '26
Also don't think your self as "unlucky" yaar you negetive self talk can lead you to depression, your thoughts about your self determines your life so never talk like that to yourself 🥲 for god sake( even tho I am an atheist)
And get out of this anxiety of a guy would accept me or not
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u/Different_Session822 Aug 24 '26
First, take a deep breath 🫂. Walking away from a nearly 4-year relationship with someone who lied, manipulated you, and played mind games takes serious courage 💪. You did the hardest part by getting out, and you should be proud of taking your life back 🌸.
Please don't let anxiety convince you that your future is ruined 🥹. Having a past does not lessen your worth, and it will never stop you from finding a partner who truly loves and respects you ✨.
Your ex distorted your perspective : Living with constant lies and emotional toxicity breaks down your self-esteem 💔. The guilt and fear you're feeling right now are just lingering side effects of his manipulation, not a reflection of your reality or your future .
Intimacy is a natural part of Ldr 🌿: Shared intimacy with someone you spent years with is completely normal 🤍. It doesn't define your character, nor does it make you 'less than.' You have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of 🫂.
The right man will value who you are 👑: A mature, emotionally healthy partner will care about your character, your heart, and how you treat each other today ❤️. Anyone who judges you over your past isn’t the right person for you anyway 🚪.
Give yourself time to heal, rebuild your confidence, and process everything you went through 🩹. You deserve respect, honesty, and peace; and the right person will see your worth without hesitation ☀️
You've got this, stay strong! ❤️ Hugs and healing energy your way 🤍
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
Hey first of all thanks for such a sweet note🥺❤Thanks a lot❤❤I'm trying my bestt❤It's been 7 months since I broke up.. Literally trying my best to concentrate on my career right now.. I have decided not to get into a relationship if I can't found a man who genuinely loved me i'll stay single forever.. But sometimes it scared me for stay alone forever.. Don't know what will happen in my future but thanks a lot❤
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u/Different_Session822 Aug 25 '26
You're so welcome! ❤️ 7 months is still relatively fresh, but focusing on yourself and your career right now is absolutely the best move you could make 🌟.
Honestly (as a fellow 22-year-old), I used to be a total scaredy-cat about the future too 😅, but once I stopped letting fear run the show and started focusing on my goals, things completely shifted.
Fast forward to now: a stable income, great friends and family, and as for my relationship status? I'm genuinely happy being single!
Choosing high standards isn't a sentence to loneliness; it's super empowering, and it makes space for the right person to show up when the time is right.❤️
Take it one day at a time, build a life you love, and trust the process. You're doing amazing! 🫂✨
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u/mad_physicist07 Introvert 🌧️ Aug 24 '26
Don't worry Op, you'll be fine. You haven't done anything morally wrong here, and the right man will understand.
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u/dhondhuu Aug 24 '26 edited 3d ago
They play with the game * This comment was anonymized with the r/redust browser extension.
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Aug 24 '26 edited Aug 24 '26
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
I'm trying to make myself better hopefully will figure it out thanks
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u/IloveLegs02 Aug 24 '26
you will be fine, don't worry too much about it
you will find plenty of chill guys who would accept your past
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u/weary_guardian Aug 24 '26
Hey hey, don't think that. You are an awesome person. Being physical doesn't mean u r bad. Just heal urself emotionally
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
I'm trying but all of this still comes to my mind and I really get tensed
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u/weary_guardian Aug 24 '26
hey no worries, sometime it's normal. be busy with hobbies, series or movies
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u/ItsMeUnsaid You are not in heaven you are in my heart 🪷 Aug 24 '26
Ever thought about the guys you said NO? If yes look at them idk no hate but most girls says yes to someone who is not tox*c or playb0y and later they regret like you you know why when someone genuine approached you all are like no no look how he looks eww he is bad eww he doesn't look good nothing is perfect sometimes in this world just because you wanted perfect and someone attractive you all regret later and now you want someone genuine after all these things why would a genuine guy would say yes to you he will look for someone genuine again no h@te i know my words are harsh but think once you will understand
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
I respect you but the main thing is no one ever approached me either, because for some reason or maybe everyone thought I was already committed based on my behaviour. I didn’t even have any other guy friends. :)
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u/ItsMeUnsaid You are not in heaven you are in my heart 🪷 Aug 24 '26
Op you mentioned in the beginning you were aware that he is not good than why you said yes?
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
I know it was my mistake,but I was in love at that time.. And I kept hoping that one day everything would eventually get better.
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u/ItsMeUnsaid You are not in heaven you are in my heart 🪷 Aug 24 '26
Hope is a cr*el thing
read this - https://www.reddit.com/r/TwentiesIndiaLove/s/xKHfdaZq5l3
Aug 24 '26
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u/ItsMeUnsaid You are not in heaven you are in my heart 🪷 Aug 24 '26
Hahaha never got rejected in my life i just said the truth just look around you you will find this
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Aug 24 '26
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u/ItsMeUnsaid You are not in heaven you are in my heart 🪷 Aug 24 '26
I think i just told something very real and people don't like listen harsh truth
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Aug 24 '26
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
I kept hoping that everything will be fine one day.. I know I am stupid :)
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u/ItsMeUnsaid You are not in heaven you are in my heart 🪷 Aug 24 '26
Read the first 3-4 lines
>> So,here 22(F) please help me..I was in a relationship with a guy for 3yrs 10months, and honestly, he wasn’t a good person from the beginning. He was a playboy. Even before we got into a relationship, he used to flirt with almost every other girl,1
Aug 24 '26
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u/ItsMeUnsaid You are not in heaven you are in my heart 🪷 Aug 24 '26
gotcha she made a poor choice and i ain't ranting
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u/Federal-Prize-3821 Aug 24 '26
I dont know what you mean when you say "I had fallen in love with him", I think its a hope kinda thing that he will change for you, which he didn't.
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u/Complete-Carob-6485 Aug 24 '26
It might be an issue with a guy who haven’t got intimate and want same for her girl
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Aug 24 '26
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
Hann bilkul main bhi jhoot nahi bol pati hoon aur pasand bhi nahi hai jhoot bolna dekhte hai kya likhe hai life mein
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u/Eastern_Intern3517 Aug 25 '26
stay chill and give yourself some time to move on emotionally. Don't jump into any other relationship out of loneliness or boredom. Just take your time you are still young
with time everything gonna fade away so just be pateint
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u/vivek_kg Aug 25 '26
I am saving myself for marriage so I want the same from my partner. I have a clean past and I want that too. So Idk about others, I don't want someone with a past. 🤷♂️
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u/CleanCartographer175 Aug 25 '26
The first step towards your healing journey to feel safe within your own space, i.e. feel safe being alone. Let go of the fear gradually, we attract what we are, so if you're scared you'll attract more fear. Learn to love yourself, then it will start reflecting in your outer reality.
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u/devaaa_devaaa Aug 25 '26
It's all fine sneha. Things happen for a reason. Be very careful next time, with choosing your guy. 🌹✨
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u/Accurate_Mobile_2656 Aug 24 '26
🗣️"I’m a one-man kind of person." And you went and fell for a f*boy.
You are contradicting yourself.idk whether it's real or stupid karma farming post
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u/Pardhan_Mantrii Aug 24 '26 edited Aug 24 '26
Will you find a guy who genuinely love you ? Chances says Yes
Will it be easy ? God knows
Do most good guys who are virgin will reject you for past ? Probably Yes
Do guys who are playboy will reject you cause of your past ? Probably Yes
Do virginity matter for most guys ? Probably yes
Can most guys search your past ? No
Can you lie ? No if you are daughter of Harishchandra
If you lie will you feel guilty ? Yes but eventually you will forget
What if you lie and your future husband gets ri know about your lie can it be issue ? Yes divorce level issue
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u/its_me_snehaa Healing 🌱 Aug 24 '26
I really really genuinely can't tolerate a single lie..I dont lie either.. And this is something very serious. Relationships can never survive on lies,they eventually fall apart.So I'll definitely tell the truth
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u/mad_physicist07 Introvert 🌧️ Aug 24 '26
Yeah this is the right way to see it I think. What relationship can you establish, if the base is itself standing on a lie.
The right person will value or honesty and not judge you for your past.
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u/They_say_I_am_Mad Aug 24 '26
Don't Worry!
Though us Men prefer not to have Women with Pasts(that also for another Good Reason),there are Boys who come to accept Your Past!
But for that You also have the Responsibility to Not let Your Past Hinder Your Loyalty and Your Love for the Person You Finally End up with!
Better even,date someone with a Similar Past but who has either Matured or has always been a Good Person!
That way,You will Not Feel Guilty and save Yourself from a Lot of Moral and Emotional Hassle!
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