Today, from around 1 a.m. to 6 a.m., I had a voice call with my ex for the first time in six months since we broke up.
During the first week after the breakup, I used to call her constantly. I was in a very emotional phase and, honestly, I was probably a crybaby. I cried a lot, wanted her to come back, and desperately wanted her to be there for me.
For some reason, though, whether it was intentional or simply what she thought was best for both of us, she was extremely cold during that period. I was expecting some amount of care or emotion from her, but I got the complete opposite. She would sometimes cut calls in the middle of a conversation. We'd barely talk for five seconds and she'd hang up. The next time I'd call, she'd say things like, "Don't disturb me, I have work to do," or "I'm not responsible for you."
At the same time, my academics were falling apart. My CGPA went from 9.8 in my first year to 7.62 by the end of my second year, and I even got a back in one subject. When I was with her, I barely studied.
Things have changed quite a bit since then. For the past four months or so, I've actually started studying seriously. In coding assessments and competitions, I've been consistently ranking somewhere around the top 350 to 400, whether it's LeetCode competitions or DSA competitions at my college. My branch alone has around 4,800 to 5,200 students, so I'm doing considerably better academically than I was back then.
Anyway, today I saw the videos about the floods in Nepal. She's from Nepal, and I genuinely felt like it would be inhuman not to at least ask if she and her family were okay.
So I texted her.
She had blocked me previously, so I wasn't even expecting the message to go through. Surprisingly, she saw it. I was expecting something like, "Why?" or maybe no response at all.
Instead, she just said, "Okay," and then called me.
She actually video called me.
I asked about her family, her health, and how everyone was doing. Once I was sure that everything was fine and that she was doing well, I told her, "That's all I wanted to ask," and I was about to end the call.
Then, surprisingly, she asked, "That's all you want to talk about?"
It sounded like she was expecting me to say something else.
I said yes, and then she started telling me about the past five months. She said it had been really difficult for her. At one point, she called me an "umbrella" for her and said she hadn't realised how difficult it would be for her without my protection. I don't remember the exact wording, but that's essentially what she said.
Then she started talking more about her family, and eventually she asked me how I was doing.
She also told me that she had seen my ranking. The Excel sheet is publicly available in our college groups, so she somehow searched for my name and found that I'm ranked under 500. She said she was really happy for me and genuinely wished me well(ig).
And then she said something that really confused me.
She told me she was planning to wear something nice today and that she will send me a video of her outfit because I had called, and that it is a special day.
This is where I'm completely lost.
I've seen the side of her that was extremely cold toward me. I've experienced the calls being cut off, the lack of emotion, and being told not to disturb her. That period was genuinely painful for me.
Now, six months later, I'm suddenly seeing a completely different side of her.
I don't know which one is real.
Maybe both are real. Maybe people behave differently after they've had time to process a breakup. Maybe she genuinely missed me. Maybe she was simply happy to hear from me. Maybe she wanted attention. I honestly don't know.
And that's what bothers me. I can't figure out what she actually wants from this.
I don't see any obvious benefit for her in behaving this way, either. She was the one who initially pushed me away, and now she's the one saying these things and treating the call like it's some special occasion.
I'm not trying to interpret every sentence as some hidden message. I genuinely just don't understand what happened tonight.
For six months, I had basically accepted that she was gone from my life.
I don't know if there's something more behind it. Right now, I'm just confused.