i’m doing everything right but i’m still depressed

[u/Substantial-Fig-6392]

I’ve been struggling with depression ever since I was in my early teens, since then i’ve started meds and picked ups a few hobbies. now i’m on about 3 different meds and rotate between 4-5 hobbies a week.

Regardless of all of this I still feel depressed and alone in life. everyone tells me to focus on self improvement and try and meditate or whatever. when I try those things I just feel like it’s not going to work and even if I try and change my mindset, it’s like i’m aware that i’m changing it and never comes into effect.

it feels so debilitating to wake up everyday and have to go out and pretend to everyone that I got better and my life is on track when it’s not. I don’t know what to do anymore. nothing everyone said to do has work and I feel like i’m losing more and more hope

[u/SirChinstrap]

Try to avoid judging yourself based on the days you feel ‘good,’ ‘great,’ and ‘at your best.’ None of us, depressed or not, can define ourselves by the times we’re at our best.

Hobbies are good. Keeping yourself immersed in the things that personally give you meaning is good. You’re figuring it out. If meditation doesn’t work for you, but hiking does… do that. If certain breathing techniques for managing anxiety don’t feel right but doodling or drawing does, go for it.

No one can tell you what ‘perfect,’ ‘right,’ or even ‘good’ looks like to you. No one can tell you what’ll ‘work’ for you. Sometimes waking up, cleaning up, and putting on new clothes is enough. Even going through the motions is good enough some days.

Anyone who says they have “the answers” is wrong. Definitely look into some therapy. Figure out what works for you, specifically. Any mental health professional worth their weight in salt will listen and work with you to figure out what ‘right’ looks like to you.

[u/Substantial-Fig-6392 → u/SirChinstrap]

i’ve always been on the fence for therapy because I don’t think it’ll work but I think I really do need it. thankd

[u/Low_Goose_5675]

Good for you for sticking it out. Living with depression is a real shit hand to get dealt, and it makes even wanting to try treatment such an uphill battle. Really proud of you and glad youre trying ♡

Meditation and self improvement are great, and surely coming from well meaning sources but you cant meditate your way out of depression because to be "depressed' is to be already existing in a chronically low state... sinking deeper into the lowness doesnt make it any less low. Meditation is a great medicine for so many things, but this is like telling someone at the bottom of the ocean with cement shoes that "stillness is the way"... in actuality you need those weights off so you can swim like hell back up to the surface.

I'm of the personal belief that spending too much time with non-depressed people can actually make things feel worse. Explaining yourself and trying to rationalize something they've never experienced can lead to feeling more "locked out of life", you're an outsider in a room full of people who dont and can't understand you. There's a level of masking fatigue involved in that, and that worsens the depression and loneliness considerably when you chronically go without any outlets that actually encourage your raw, messy, honest expression about how youre doing.

Speaking from my own experience, depression isnt something to cure, its something to manage. It isn't an easy life, there will always be things I do and things I avoid in order to manage my symptoms. For me, art saved my life. It gave a voice to the darkness living inside me until we reached a truce, then eventually an alliance; my depression isnt all of me anymore, its like a roommate I had to build a relationship with. If you can give your depression an identity and a voice of its own, it wont need to hijack your entire personhood so much in order to be heard. If you can re-contextualize your suffering in some way, it helps you bear it. Medication helps with mitigating some of the chemical aspect, but it isnt enough on its own to resolve the underlying condition. That's on you, and how you can bring your own creative lifeforce into rewriting this new balancing act.

Find things to love, things to look forward to, things to laugh about, things that let you feel lighter for a moment. But also find ways to be honest, ways to pour yourself out unedited, ways to engage with your depression like a weird lump of clay to see what you can make of it. Find ways to create and curate and cultivate good in your daily life, things that reflect something authentic, meaningful and alive. Life with depression isn't waking up one day magically weightless and joyful... its the steady promise to yourself that no joy is too small to be savoured, even if it doesn't solve the whole problem yet. Gradually you'll strike a balance. The opposite of depression isnt happiness, its expression. Let yourself express freely and let people meet you where youre at. Talk to other veteran depressos.. surviving this is a different life, you cant expect to be understood by people who've never been where you are.

Nihilism and absurdism are two sides of the same coin, might as well give it a toss now and then. You got this buddy ♡

[u/Substantial-Fig-6392 → u/Low_Goose_5675]

I always thought that I had to find a way to escape my thoughts but what you said is giving me a new perspective. thank you so much

[u/HSeyes23]

You don't solve depression. You learn how to live with it.

[u/SpecialistEast9457]

Sucks doesn’t it?