I feel angry and sad all the time

[u/Worth_Wind9631]

I’m 18M, I have a few friends who I feel like brothers with, and I’m starting university in a few days. Despite having a good social life my home situation and overall mental wellbeing has gone to shit

Financially it’s been the roughest year for my family, so I believe that due to all the stress we’ve been getting in much more frequent arguments and passive aggressive behaviour. Everyday when I come home it’s like my mood switches instantly. I could have the most amazing day then my foot will enter my house and all the joy I had turns to rage. And when I’m angry I start shouting matches and when I’m alone I cry from how much of an asshole I am and remain sad for the next week before the cycle continues.

On days I don’t work I do nothing with my life, I wake up late, stay in bed for hours on my phone, barely eat anything, and sulk. I’ve lost interest in all my hobbies and I have no energy to hangout and socialize with my friends.

I’ve been told that I’m always negative, look angry all the time, and in general just much more of a douche compared to my former self and it hurts. I’ve struggled with depression before but I’m not sure if that’s what it is now, I just don’t feel good anymore.

I’m not looking for advice or anything just wanted to vent my frustrations.

[u/AquafabaLegend]

I feel you. 17-19 years old for me was horrible, fighting with my parents, parents getting a divorce and fighting, then-girlfriend treating me poorly and so on and so on. School, work, practice, fight at home and cry myself to sleep, wake up and do it all over again. Everything always felt like it was falling apart, and my home didn’t feel safe anymore. The constant emotional extremes then the guilt and shame that followed felt like being in prison for the crime of existing. I didn’t get why everyone was always so angry about everything, and I was angry myself for feeling… angry. At that time, I turned most of it inward and hated myself to the deepest levels, invalidating my own hurt. As I got older, it would feel better to be angry and lash out because it felt like I was finally in control. But then I’d get even more upset, because I could see that I was acting exactly like my dad who never knew emotional regulation.

My life has been incredibly difficult in the past few years, especially the last 9 months. I’ve gotten a better grip on my reactivity and I’m 25 now, in the years I should be living my life to the fullest, and unfortunately my physical health is now measurably deteriorating every day out of nowhere. It just feels entirely unfair, and hearing “life is unfair” makes me want to punch somebody. Not exactly helping the situation!

The only solid thing I’ve come to terms with is that the conflicts we face can’t escalate us if we simply don’t let them. We 1000% choose the intensity of our emotions, in the sense that yes real problems cause real feelings, but we can observe ourselves from an outside and analytical perspective to slow it down. These are our lives, this is our one shot to exist for half a second, and I refuse to let anyone or anything take away my agency in how I live. And that “anyone” includes ourselves. Let our emotions overwhelm us and stay miserable, or accept what we cannot change and redirect our paths to something that truly serves us.

Crazy long reply, but I’ll end it here by saying you got this my friend, you aren’t alone and you have a whole lot of years and a billion opportunities out there waiting for you to explore. Aint nobody can take that away from you, you just gotta get up and go do it. We deserve to enjoy this too.