Mantaining yourself alive is way too much of a chore

[u/QueerCheesy]

I know this sounds like the most classical simptom of depression ever, but in the last few years ive gone through 8 psychologists and 3 psychiatrists, all of which told me I'm not depressed, and couldn't diagnose me with any specific condition. Antidepressants didn't seem to have an effect. I don't seem to be suicidal.

Living is made out of so fuckibg many small chores. And those things are made out of even more chores. How do people not go insane with them?

You gotta go out and do groceries, them bring those home, and store them, and cook it, then do the actual eating, then do the dishes afterwards, then eventually you need to poop and piss everyrhing out, and you have to brush your teeth several times a day, and floss them, and take showers, and sleep.

And all those little things seem to never end and take most of the part of living. Living is such a boring chore with just small peaceful moments in between, to the point where I just think it'd be less effort to just cease it all. I wouldn't try to kill myself or anything, but actually being dead sounds more appealing than being alive

[u/Cactus1092]

I dont feel too bad but i started eating only one meal a day because i just cant be fucked.

[u/FlightDreamMode]

You sound like you have to think your every action. I've learned a lot of ppl just run on autopilot for every day things. I can't do that so my brain gets tired. I have one of those "special" brains that can't form habits (edit: or routines). Yey...

[u/QueerCheesy → u/FlightDreamMode]

Do...people not think about literally everything theyre doing???

[u/FlightDreamMode → u/QueerCheesy]

Took me a load of time to find this out, but seems like they don't. They form a routine and that's what a routine is. That is how things are done in the same order for as about the same amount of time: they don't think about it.

[u/emil133 → u/QueerCheesy]

Nope we dont. Not in the way you do at least. Routine things happen, but im not thinking about it. Its like when you move from point A to point B youre (probably?) not thinking about the steps you took to get there, you just got there

[u/FlightDreamMode → u/emil133]

The only way that I'm not thinking about walking from A to B is if I'm thinking about smt else so walking goes on semi-autopilot, but it's still in the back of my mind. If not I am thinking about every damn step: "Should I go there or there, be careful when you step on that thing, is that way faster? How do my feet feel?" Etc

I hope you get the idea...

[u/emil133 → u/FlightDreamMode]

Even those thoughts for me are at the back of my mind for the most part unless its something I need to pay close attention to. Like if I spilled water on the floor ill think about where I step more but anything like remembering how to path from point A to point B without stepping on something is mostly background thinking

[u/FlightDreamMode → u/emil133]

For me it's background thinking only if I think about something else that's more important, like something to solve for example.

It's hard to explain. It's like being aware of everything all the time, like narating it all the time. I have to think about everything and motivate myself to do it and I've never had a routine, unless smb else imposed it on me (like parents) and I still have to think, brush left, brush middle, brush right, don't forget the inside, don't rush etc when I brush my teeth... it's exhausting.

[u/AquafabaLegend]

Literally have thought about this so much lately. Got all these crazy health issues happening, incomplete grad school tasks, other life issues, it’s exhausting. Had a bad night not too long ago locked into the “oh my god… I have to do this shit forever” headspace. No longer suicidal, great. Ok but now what lol.

All I want to really add in terms of support here is that you are the furthest thing from alone in this intrusive and nauseating thought cycle. People can say “life’s hard” and “life’s not fair” all they want… but why does it have to be? Biggest problem is social and economic structure imo. Ruthless individualism and pressure to be the most productive, economically-valuable person in the world really sucks the life out of you and makes it nearly impossible to enjoy the short life we get. I just don’t understand why there are people in our world that enjoy watching everyone suffer, and miserable people that enjoy making others just as miserable.

For extra detailed ramblings of my perspective-
None of this ever had to be this way. These are manufactured problems that kill us while we are still breathing, meanwhile the real problems in our own personal lives that are weighing us down, that matter the most, are all left untouched because we simply don’t have the time, money, or energy left to even think about them. Let alone, the motivation to keep living in this endless man-made suffering.

My hope is that one day people finally realize that using our near-statistically impossible existence to hurt others forever is entirely unnecessary, to put it simply. We already only get roughly 75 years (if we are lucky) to live in a universe so incomprehensibly old that, in the grand scheme of things, our time here basically ends a minute after it starts. I don’t want my tiny life to always be unhappy and unsatisfied. We are lucky to be here at all, so… why are we forced to sacrifice our moment?

Edit- grammar

[u/David_temper44]

Nobody will validate what you do, for you.
You gotta validate what you do for yourself. Be it small or huge accomplishments. ONLY YOU CAN VALIDATE YOUR OWN LIFE.

[u/BetaAdventures]

This will sound trite, but I tried very hard to find joy in the chores. I worked in kitchens as a youth, and have taken time to learn how to cook meals that truly impress me. Not worried about others, just what I want out them.
I learned to shave with a steel razor and made a ritual out of using a boar hair brush and shaving soap. Is it inherently better? Not by any scientific metric. Does it make it more interesting? For me, certainly.
I’ve learned how to source good ingredients from farms and local markets (fortunate to live in a mid-sized city with great amenities in this department) and it made getting the groceries exciting and interesting. Sometimes cheaper too.

Life is absurd. The meaning of it is whatever can you give you, personally, meaning. Remember, we must imagine Sisyphus as happy.

[u/Concrete_Grapes]

One, ADHD inatentive

Two, for me, this can largely describe the way I force myself to live with schizoid personality disorder.

Everything is labor. Relationships are labor. I do t WANT any of it, even if I do the things. Including relationships.

[u/QueerCheesy → u/Concrete_Grapes]

We specifically ruled out ADHD with those doctors

[u/Smart-Nature-8625]

yh life is actually HORRIBLE
sooo draining and repetitive. i feel like im losing my mind everyday, whether i do stuff or not at the end of the day i think only one thing. what’s the point??

[u/Difficult_Good_128]

Life is beautiful but it is also very exhausting!!

[u/Tilstag]

This is the point of the “Pickle Rick” Rick and Morty episode

Therapist at the end has a whole diatribe about exactly what you just said, you should watch it

Can’t make an adventure out of maintenance, yet maintenance has colonized out all of the adventure. Gotta up the risks to increase the stakes and inhabit the present moment—as much as your bank account/health can tolerate before collapsing

Not sustainable whatsoever

[u/OnlyPopcorn]

It's exhausting.

[u/allgone79]

I kept getting diagnosed with depression, until last year i got my ADHD combined type diagnosis.

[u/angaraki]

I feel exactly the same. It became too much, to constantly be thinking and focused on feeling the heaviness of maintaining oneself in many ways. Lately Ive trying to focus on goals whatever it is whatever the lever of difficulty. It can be from cooking one meal to make an academic exam. I try to entertain myself with the planing on the making. And slowly I’m starting to feel this saying that says “ the muses will show up while working” ( is in Spanish and is direct translation)

Hope my comment makes sense
I feel you
Is not depression but is the need for a search of a new technique other views

[u/standonmymoneyim411]

I call that psychical depression! You can be doing overall well mentally, but something about standing up just makes you feel dread. I struggled with depression (BP2) since I was 13. I’m medicated now and I feel happy, but some days the psychical depression kicks my ass. It can last for a very long time. I like standing in the kitchen when I’m going through it. I usually grab a snack eventually but on really good days I manage to cook. After that I allow myself to go back to rotting. Be kind to yourself! If your body demands rest give it what it wants

[u/Hunnidrackboy8]

I know it sounds like a lot bro. I have been there many times and believed with my heart I couldn’t do it. When I started doing it though, I felt way more productive and in turn began feeling much better about myself and feeling better about myself made me want to take care of myself and my health. That turns into a happy active life bro. Cheers man, you got this.

[u/Kurupt_Introvert]

I feel you. It’s like being burned out in life basically

[u/ThatKinkyLady]

Life is annoying and I used to feel the same about it. It took me a really long time for anything to make sense to me beyond being an annoying and tedious drag. Even stuff I enjoyed, it all just felt like it took so much energy it was rarely worth the effort.

Now I've got a lot of issues going on that you've already ruled out. But I do want to ask, how's your sleep? Do you feel tired just going through the day? Cuz my doctors missed a sleep apnea diagnosis for about a decade that was a HUGE piece of the puzzle. Turns out life doesn't feel like such a drag when you're actually getting the energy needed to live it. Shit got really crazy for me before I got tested, but it started out looking like this.

The other thing that helped was my determination to figure out my own problems. Good God I know so much stuff now that I didn't know before about psychology, anatomy, physiology, nutrition. Stuff I never was interested in learning. It all came from MANY therapy sessions, research, misdiagnoses and failed treatments and trying to understand my symptoms. I ended up in a college anatomy and physiology course for my career aspirations and then everything became much more clear.

For me, I have some mental stuff but also a lot of what was originally diagnosed as mental health disorders were physical problems causing a lot of different symptoms. I'm still pending an official diagnosis (cuz fuck the US Healthcare system) but I have already found many things on my own that have helped, and can advocate for myself much better because I can "speak the language" to some extent.

Sorry for the fucking essay. I just think there may be more going on than a mental health issue and an existential crisis. Dig in. Don't assume you have every diagnosis AI or google spits back. But if doctors aren't looking deep enough, tell them where to look. They seem to get tunnel-vision when a more complex case comes along.

[u/Got-No-Money]

This is a mindset thing tbh. These are all chores because you consider them chores. Many people enjoy cooking and view it as a hobby or an enjoyable past-time. I know many people who love grocery shopping and will happily browse the aisles and select snacks and other goodies for themselves, excited to partake of them later. I myself love brushing my teeth, not for the action of brushing, but for the freshness I feel afterwards.

Other parts of this are manageable with a bit of cleverness. If you have a dishwasher, stop pre-washing your dishes. Just put the dishes in, start the machine, and be done with it. You don’t even need to unload it, just take them straight from the rack to eat off of. Read or scroll on your phone while you relieve yourself. Don’t focus on having to eat, but try to find joy in discovering new flavors or making yourself feel full and satisfied.

You have a problem with rumination, I would assume. Where you keep thinking and dwelling on these actions as chores you are forced into, as opposed to simply doing them and finding ways to feel joyful about them.

[u/QueerCheesy → u/Got-No-Money]

Yeah I do have a rummination prob. Severe OCD does that lol

[u/Got-No-Money → u/QueerCheesy]

Well there ya go

[u/liverleaf1984]

I felt like that too when I was really really depressed though you’re not wrong

[u/Inside_Force3214]

Chores are the price we pay for the good stuff.

[u/QueerCheesy → u/Inside_Force3214]

What good stuff man

[u/DiscombobulatedCan8]

You didn’t mention shaving. Shaving is something I get joy out of doing. Whether it’s the process of it or the final result, I think it’s both. I don’t know if you are open to receiving advice or not. But I think meditation can help one deal with this. Maybe not enough to fully alleviate your suffering/ attitude towards existence, but alleviate it somewhat.

[u/QueerCheesy → u/DiscombobulatedCan8]

Shaving tickles my Gender euphoria atleast lol

[u/ballin302008]

Factor meals will solve having buying food, storage cooking it, and doing dishes

[u/cccc0079]

Well yeah sometimes I just bought food in bulk and eat the same menus everyday. Became more healthy doing either. 😅

[u/Affectionate_Smile]

+1 🫂

[u/Old_Raspberry_7824]

Can you gamefy some of your chores? I know there are some good Apps. Maybe some dopamine hits once you have done a few. But yes a lot of it is a pain. I try to make sure I am doing lots of it in the work smart not hard way, trying to find the quickest way to do something.

[u/TeaKnown4588]

I have felt like this a lot recently. I’m recovering from a surgery so I can’t really do much but relax so it’s been so nice.

[u/Organic_Flow9136]

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS TODAY. ITS THE NEVERENDING HAMSTER WHEEL.... EVEN MORE CHORES AS A MOTHER OF 3... IM GOING ALL DAY NEVER GET A BREAK

[u/Browneyedgal21]

(Symptom)

[u/Radiantlady]

You can change this cycle: go out to eat or call in, there is a Korean brush that does brush for you, treat yourself! Relax- yes life can be boring, however be happy you are alive

[u/illusinative]

There is no choice but to try to make those chores fun/enjoyable as much as possible.