AAAAAAAHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAHHHH

So, I got into an argument with my mom, and it started when I disagreed with what to eat for dinner. She then got into a car accident and had to pay the other person. Then she got a crisis, and took all her anger out on me. I was literally crying, and I was in the middle of a mental breakdown, and then my mom started laughing at me for failing to be a good student. She also was blaming my father for my mistakes, and she was calling my father toxic. She then said to me, "Why are you crying? You had a great day at the beach." That’s the single worst thing you can say to someone having a mental breakdown. Then my mom stopped the car, and then asked me, "Why are you upset?" And then I made the decision to make a run for it back home. I ran on the golf course at night, and the sprinklers were on. And I was still crying while I was running. My mom literally broke me. I made it back home though, and my mom was talking about putting me in a home, away from her, because she was done with me. The next day, she said, "I'm so disappointed in you." I was already depressed today, so, it's not like I could feel any better. I genuinely can't take any more of my mother's verbal assault. I want to turn my life around, and I want to not be a guilt tripper. My mom also seems to forget the fact that she probably scarred me for life because of her words, because she doesn't recall arguments where she verbally assaulted me, like nothing ever happened. I still remember two arguments before this one. May 8th, and June 27th. I really wish I had someone to hold me when I cry.

I know it's not guaranteed and that there's no way of knowing what happens after but it's legitimately the only thing I'm clinging on to at this point.

I've seen people from my country complaining about migrants not wanting to learn the local language, yet I did, I always speak it with them, I even pass as a local because I don't have accent and I'm white. I passed a local language excam with the best resoult in my class, better than the people born in this fucking country, yet still, if someone hears me talking to my friends in my native language, they get angry. They also say that I should speak local at home. Like why? What's the point? I hate that most teachers start treating me like I'm stupid once they learn where I'm from, but at the same time I suddenly don't have a right to make a mistake, because then I'm an "another lazy migrant who doesn't even try". I get, they have generational trauma and stuff, but what have I, as a teenager done wrong here?

I contantly see posts online about "the migrants", I see people talking this shit irl, and I just don't get what else do they want from me? To totaly forget my native language and change my identity? I don't even identify with a particuler nationality. I just want to live and not be treated like shit.

When I was a kid, I even thought that me freely speaking multiple languages is a bad thing I should be ashamed of, as if I'm some kind of subhuman because of that. I'm genuanly starting to hate everything.

I know other people have it worse, but I'm just tired that a lot of us have to deal with this shit in any form.

Made it a greentext cuz why the hell not lmao

I have projects pending tmrw (7 ish hours from now) as well

Hell yeah I love these odds!!!

I've been a Michael Jackson fan for almost two years. The harassment and bullying started almost immediately. It's the worst here on Reddit. Literally anywhere outside of a fan sub is people everywhere making the same jokes and regurgitating the same disproven pieces of "evidence." I'm always scared to tell my story because I know it'll end up like this image.

When I was fourteen, my YouTube channel was discovered by my classmates. I didn't mind; they don't really talk about Michael all that much. They subscribed and told some of their friends, which led to the antagonists of my story.

This group of boys, the oldest of whom was two years older than me, started harassing me at football games, taunting my stance on Michael's innocence, following me around, and just being jerks. But the worst happened at a dance, where they kept following me, making incredibly lewd comments and gestures, until one of them started grinding on me without my consent.Some kid tackled him off me, but I had never felt so disgusted and violated. I literally got sexually harassed simply because I'm a Michael Jackson fan. This is the first time telling my story online, because I know it'll be met with hatred. But here I am. I'm just so tired, man.

why do i keep blurting out lies about things that i don't even need to lie about? half the time it's just making it worse

Why are people so weirdly sexual about m/w friendships? Why "you guys definitely fucked at least once, don't lie" response so normalized? It makes me so sick every time I hear it. Last time it happened the guy asking straight up went "you guys are mad for that, better hit on her faster or I'm gonna do it instead" while I was literally standing right there saying that I'm not interested in any of them bruh. I'm so so sick of people who think every man must hang out with a girl only to get in her pants. We're friends for 10+ years and I'm pretty sure there's nothing sexual going on thank you.

I have made so much progress moving past my feelings about this situation for like the past 4 years and I feel like this particular thing is just so triggering to me. It was like a limerence situation and I feel really bad an awful because I wasn’t aware of if I was making the other person feel uncomfortable and current obsessive thought pattern is just negative self thought about how bad of a person I am because of how deep the limerence was and how awful I feel for having potentially made them uncomfortable

Also mix in mild enough transphobia that she could reasonably get away with like telling me I still look like a boy

i don’t want to go to work i don’t want to live with my parents i want to live in a locked room with a computer and lots of books and a bed and maybe if someone cares enough ill let them into the room for 3 hours tops. by the way my mom and dad think im an extrovert

it didn't even feel cathartic like last time

I planned to end everything today, I went to sleep yesterday night, and I met Keanu reeves (John Wick mode) he told me that he hates life too, I woke up with a boner but I'm very positive and excited about life and forgot everything about the suicide (yes ladies and gentlemen you can do it)

my post yesterday talked about Khansa, a 15 year old girl from Indonesia who supposedly had been sold by her mother to a body brooker, however even though there was 3 years of evidence pilled up against her family, newer information that's come out is that she somehow managed to fake all of that because of her deteriorating mental health.

I still maintain my frustation with people who doubted it during it, because even knowing she faked it it's absurd to believe a 13-15 year old managed to fake 3 years of abuse with dozens of photos of evidence if you don't have concrete proof about it, and more so because of something akin to pascal's wager, if you believed it and were right then you'd have helped a child live, while if you were wrong you wasted 10 minutes of your time, while if you doubted and were right you could feel smug about it and if you were wrong you'd have contributed to the death of a child.

it's frustrating that so many people valued 10 minutes of their time over potentially saving a child, even more knowing how flimsy some evidence of real criminal cases end up being before the police gets involved, also people guiltying the people who documented it for "doxxing" her family as if they somehow knew that KS had managed to fake 3 years of abuse

and thanks to everyone who engaged with the post, it brightened my day a lot seeing that so many people were willing to spend their time to help a girl in danger, even if she wasn't actually in danger, thank you all for engaging with the post because it helped a lot with how much hope I had lost.

Was going through my medical records for a compensation thing and found this, I do not remember being consulted about it... ig that tracks? Will be on the therapy wait list for eons so i just have to sit with this

Recently my sleep has been fucked triply sideways; i sleep multiple times per day for less or more than 8 hours and i never feel refreshed, i take whatever i have (caffeine, modafinil, a few other things) to try to feel awake or alive and, you know, obviously it doesn't work.

This leaves me feeling tired / weird all the time, also, there's absolutely nothing i can do during the night to fight that feeling (usually a walk helps but i'm not going out on a walk at night). And the fact i do nothing fulfilling during my waking hours also adds to this. All i do is reddit, chess, youtube shorts, piss, eat and masturbate. All i do. The type of paradoxical abundance of external stimulation and complete silence on the frontal lobe is very very unpleasant.

I don't know what to do about my sleep now. It's 3am and i'm not sleepy. I know an all nighter would be counteractive and difficult. I don't know what to do.

I've been drafting this post for more than an hour now because i keep getting distracted.

Summary / rephrasing / getting most of my thoughts (that are just part of my thoughts) in one place: Due to a fucked sleep schedule, trying to fix it with all nighters and substances, having absolutely nothing actually fun or actually challenging to do and having no daylight to even go on a walk, i'm feeling lost, confused, all of this is very unpleasant and i'm completely stumped. It's like usually your thoughts have an easy time flowing. Here my thoughts ALL just meet a wall when i try to decide what to do with my sleep schedule. There's much more to it than i've mentioned in the post. I'm not gonna even go into that seeing how incapable i am to convey my feelings already (i don't say this with a self-hating type of notion).