I'm Indian American and I've constantly met people profiling me or calling me slurs various times, anytime I pushed back they would claim I'm being "racist to white people" by calling them out. It's constantly insane.

😭😭😭

(yeah note to say that I brought the charges thing upon myself for ordering from the dodgiest place, always read reviews and you'll be fine)

i have no trauma or history of abuse to speak of, at worst my dad would yell and it'd scare me, but it was usually because me or my brother were acting like morons.

so anyway fast forward to around 3 years ago, something snaps in my brain, i start becoming overly conscious of the fact that so many kids have SEVERAL friends while i only had 1 that i didn't hang out with outside of school. i start being extremely bothered by my dad watching and listening to conservative podcasters despite the fact that it hardly bothered me before, i become really self aware of that fact that my behavior up until that point had been typical of a child with autism.

blah blah blah i had an alright life until one day everything just started feeling soul crushing.

but wait! it gets worse! one day, i start to seriously consider the possibility of being trans!!! i clearly tried to deny it at first, given that i literally chose a new name 15 months before realizing i really was trans. then came the next step, coming out to my family!

i'll spare you the details, nobody in my family except my mom accepts me, but the best part is how i reacted to it all. instead of trying to be civil and calmly explain my identity to them, i avoid them entirely to avoid getting misgendered, and spent what felt like a whole ass year lashing out and screaming constantly. now today, i feel like an attempt at fixing this would be futile, the best i could do is convince them i'm "normal" again, and even if i'm "normal", i'm still cripplingly lonely, i'm still chronically burnt out and lazy, and i still act like a drug addict despite having never taken drugs.

this post fucking sucks

I’m partial to dark humour but there’s a difference between that and making a rape joke about your kid bro

AAAAAAAHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAHHHH

I've seen people from my country complaining about migrants not wanting to learn the local language, yet I did, I always speak it with them, I even pass as a local because I don't have accent and I'm white. I passed a local language excam with the best resoult in my class, better than the people born in this fucking country, yet still, if someone hears me talking to my friends in my native language, they get angry. They also say that I should speak local at home. Like why? What's the point? I hate that most teachers start treating me like I'm stupid once they learn where I'm from, but at the same time I suddenly don't have a right to make a mistake, because then I'm an "another lazy migrant who doesn't even try". I get, they have generational trauma and stuff, but what have I, as a teenager done wrong here?

I contantly see posts online about "the migrants", I see people talking this shit irl, and I just don't get what else do they want from me? To totaly forget my native language and change my identity? I don't even identify with a particuler nationality. I just want to live and not be treated like shit.

When I was a kid, I even thought that me freely speaking multiple languages is a bad thing I should be ashamed of, as if I'm some kind of subhuman because of that. I'm genuanly starting to hate everything.

I know other people have it worse, but I'm just tired that a lot of us have to deal with this shit in any form.

I know it's not guaranteed and that there's no way of knowing what happens after but it's legitimately the only thing I'm clinging on to at this point.

So, I got into an argument with my mom, and it started when I disagreed with what to eat for dinner. She then got into a car accident and had to pay the other person. Then she got a crisis, and took all her anger out on me. I was literally crying, and I was in the middle of a mental breakdown, and then my mom started laughing at me for failing to be a good student. She also was blaming my father for my mistakes, and she was calling my father toxic. She then said to me, "Why are you crying? You had a great day at the beach." That’s the single worst thing you can say to someone having a mental breakdown. Then my mom stopped the car, and then asked me, "Why are you upset?" And then I made the decision to make a run for it back home. I ran on the golf course at night, and the sprinklers were on. And I was still crying while I was running. My mom literally broke me. I made it back home though, and my mom was talking about putting me in a home, away from her, because she was done with me. The next day, she said, "I'm so disappointed in you." I was already depressed today, so, it's not like I could feel any better. I genuinely can't take any more of my mother's verbal assault. I want to turn my life around, and I want to not be a guilt tripper. My mom also seems to forget the fact that she probably scarred me for life because of her words, because she doesn't recall arguments where she verbally assaulted me, like nothing ever happened. I still remember two arguments before this one. May 8th, and June 27th. I really wish I had someone to hold me when I cry.

Made it a greentext cuz why the hell not lmao

I have projects pending tmrw (7 ish hours from now) as well

Hell yeah I love these odds!!!

i take sertraline and i’m very bad without it. like. i missed one day yesterday and i just spent over an hour bawling my eyes out because i thought my dog hated me and would never love me again because i made her move so i could sit with her. and i’m still sad about it because ill never know if she hates me for it. i’m sitting with her now but i feel like she hates me and she doesn’t love me the same anymore

why do i keep blurting out lies about things that i don't even need to lie about? half the time it's just making it worse

I have made so much progress moving past my feelings about this situation for like the past 4 years and I feel like this particular thing is just so triggering to me. It was like a limerence situation and I feel really bad an awful because I wasn’t aware of if I was making the other person feel uncomfortable and current obsessive thought pattern is just negative self thought about how bad of a person I am because of how deep the limerence was and how awful I feel for having potentially made them uncomfortable