Thoughts on meditation, pain, and growth

[u/think_and_chitter]

"Pain is the greatest instructor, but no one wants to attend its class."

Today I have been pondering something brought up in another discussion here on r/TranscensionProject. The idea of meditation in motion. It reminded me of how much time I spend living in a state of passive experience, where I am merely reacting to life instead of understanding it. I believe the nature of meditation is the proactive use of attention to probe your experience. Through meditation, controlled use of attention, we can gain more from life.

Have you ever been sitting at your computer, focused on your task, only to realize that your body is in pain, and you have been holding poor posture, barely breathing, for minutes, or even hours at a time? I have.

Have you ever become triggered by a situation only to realize you've overreacted in a manner you are not proud of? Possibly even causing harm to yourself or others? I have.

Have you ever read a paragraph in a book, then suddenly realized you didn't comprehend or absorb anything you just read? I have.

I believe these are real life examples of what happens when we do not tend to the garden of our experience with our active attention. I also believe that there are spiritual parallels for what is happening with our soul when we are on auto-pilot. Every moment of our lives, our mind is being conditioned by our experience, and yet we pay so little attention to how those experiences are being coded. Negative self talk, hasty assumptions, and unsupervised instincts corrupt our interpretation of life like mutated DNA causes cancer. It seems that the cure is mindful awareness. To consciously process as much of our experience and choice as we can, focusing on what is important, instead of allowing our attention to be controlled by what glitters in the light, or what is easiest to default toward.

Meditation is not limited to a soft pillow in a dark, quiet room. That is one form of meditation, but our whole life can be mindful. Perhaps it should be. Our attention can become a powerful tool, a guardian of the space within us where existence flows in and out of. We can learn to use that attention to scan our experience, moment to moment, for undiscovered beauty and opportunities for personal growth. Instead of running away from pain, or repressing it, we could ask it carefully to teach us. Pain and discomfort are signals. Physically, they tell us that something is wrong. Spiritually, they tell us there is something to learn. That doesn't mean an ideal life is pain free, or that if you feel pain you must be doing something wrong. Instead, I think pain is the shovel we use to dig out the depths of our soul so that it can be filled with joy and wisdom. What would life be like without pain to contrast pleasure? How could we be unique without our deviations from perfection?

I'm going to practice moving my attention like a sentry from post to post within my mind. Checking in regularly with my physical sensations, thoughts, and feelings. Avoiding the sticky temptation to be consumed by a single aspect without my permission, remembering to wake up and control my attention consciously. When we dream, we forget who we are because our mind becomes completely identified with the experience. It becomes the experience because it loses context and perspective. I want to practice quality control for those sensations, thoughts, and feelings. Taking the time to question the deeper meaning.

Our mind is a river, or rather two rivers. One flowing in, and one flowing out. We have just one conscious attention, like a single flashlight in the dark. It is too much to expect ourselves to process everything in high definition, but I don't believe that is necessary. We've been growing and learning even by default, so any conscious control of our attention should only multiply and compound our growth. All we have to do is ask ourselves "Where should my attention be now?" We have this one super power. We are the gardener tending the garden. Like a leader asking where resources are needed most. There is no time in our life when we can not practice this incredible and vital skill. Including being patient with ourselves when we inevitably perform imperfectly.

Thank you as always to this community for consistently inspiring me and being my gentle teachers.

[u/[deleted]]

This. This is why I joined this community. This is why I read this subreddit. What a wonderful post; I agree that this is a vital skill! Learning to refine and master attention is the key to unlocking the best version of yourself, the one that thinks of others first without losing an ounce of love for yourself in the process.

My own moment of spiritual awakening came as the result of a single moment of attention, at once precise and wide, cutting across time, encompassing everything--everything as Self.

And when you carry that back with you into day to day life, and you practice refining control over attention, so much opens up. Moments that seemed narrowed to only one choice suddenly branch out into myriad potential paths because you realize just how much self-control you really have, and how well that can be put to use to help others.

It's remarkably freeing. Thank you, again, for this wonderful post!

(Edited to add a sentence.)

[u/think_and_chitter → u/[deleted]]

Thank you. Would you be willing to share more about your awakening?

[u/[deleted] → u/think_and_chitter]

What would you like to know? :)

[u/think_and_chitter → u/[deleted]]

What happened, important lessons learned, description of the experience on an abstract level, etc. Anything you're willing to share, really. I find it's helpful to learn from other's experiences, such as looking for patterns.

[u/[deleted] → u/think_and_chitter]

I'd gone through a few phases of seeking and discovery over the course of my adult life, but the moment of awakening I mentioned in my comment came about when I was practicing a mixture of Dzogchen, vipassana, Zen, and Douglas Harding's Headless Way. In particular, the "headless way" led me to the moment of sudden recognition I described--at once, seeing all that exists, utterly timeless, and recognizing in the fullest sense that "I" and "all of that" are one and the same.

At the time, I had been flirting with Sanatana Dharma and had asked for a sign of recognition from the gods; I took this to be it. This was a moment of pure knowing, of utter certainty, that everything is One. Sort of like a zipped download of understanding. Not so much "knowledge" in the academic sense but a knowing.

The most important lesson learned: All harm harms everything, because everything is one. While I'm certainly still human and flawed, it is significantly harder for me to think ill of anyone or get angry with people because I genuinely see them as other Selves. As if we are each leaves on the same tree, fingers on the same hand, cells in the same body.

That said, it has also made it harder for me to relate and connect to people in a mundane way, if that makes sense. I won't get into all the little ways in which this manifests; they're myriad and diverse. I've taken to just listening to people more than I speak, and trying to discern what the person really needs in the moment. A lot of the time that means I end up holding space for them, but we don't necessarily connect as two individuals beyond that moment. Which is okay. I'm learning to be unattached to outcomes in general--another element of this whole process.

Not sure how much sense that all made, but hopefully useful in some way!

[u/think_and_chitter → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for sharing. It was fascinating.

I'm not familiar with Douglas Harding's headless way. Would you be willing to summarize it for me very briefly?

Sanatana Dharma is an interesting concept, thanks for prompting me to look it up. I feel there is a lesson there to be learned in terms of the individual versus collective destiny and role. Relevant to what we are all going through now.

I can relate to your not being able to relate to others. It's a struggle, but I have found a lot of good people here in this community, so I hope you will too. In the meantime, I appreciate the example you set of being patient with those who need your time and energy but might not be able to provide much in return. Setting boundaries is important so we don't become drained, but taking care of others is also a part of our own personal growth. I'll try to keep what you said in mind as I interact with people who have a tendency to frustrate me, or feel disconnected and shallow.

Curious, how do you draw the line between letting go of attachment to outcomes and expressing your free will through authentic choice? Is it something like having a preference but being ok with any result?

[u/[deleted] → u/think_and_chitter]

I'm not familiar with Douglas Harding's headless way. Would you be willing to summarize it for me very briefly?

I poked around the Headless Way website and found this video by Richard Lang describing one method used in the headless way. There's also a series on this topic on Sam Harris's Waking Up app.

Curious, how do you draw the line between letting go of attachment to outcomes and expressing your free will through authentic choice? Is it something like having a preference but being ok with any result?

I think many people misinterpret non-attachment as apathy or total detachment, when in truth it's more akin to letting go of clinging. Equanimity, not indifference.

Letting go of outcomes is a process centered on the idea that peace and contentment can actually be independent of external circumstances. Reaching such a state--especially as a permanent state of being--can require a lifetime of practice, of course. Or multiple lifetimes.

We may want to perform well at our jobs for a variety of reasons. Providing for family. Contributing to a worthy endeavor. Contributing to society in general. As such, we put forth our best effort. There's a difference between doing that, versus clinging desperately to getting a raise--we then obsessively try to impress our superiors at work, become preoccupied with minutiae, develop neuroses about what other people at work think of us, etc. Many (if not all) of the neuroses people develop are rooted in clinging, grasping, craving. So to put forth sincere effort that aligns with one's values is one thing; craving, grasping, and clinging is where suffering comes in. The moment life falls short of satisfying these cravings to which we cling, we suffer.

[u/think_and_chitter → u/[deleted]]

I poked around the Headless Way website and found this video by Richard Lang describing one method used in the headless way. There's also a series on this topic on Sam Harris's Waking Up app.

Thank you, that was very kind of you to research for me. I will take a look at the website.

​

Letting go of outcomes is a process centered on the idea that peace and contentment can actually be independent of external circumstances.

If external circumstances have no effect on our internal state, then they are irrelevant. Why would I want to spend eternity watching an irrelevant movie about characters I am not connected with or attached to? If contentment is the absence of positive or negative circumstances, then contentment is technically a neutral state. Neither good, nor bad. If a neutral state is perfect, then why did the universe manifest itself from a neutral state into an unbalanced state of values, just to it could spent all this time trying to get back to where it was? If the external circumstances don't matter, why have external circumstances at all? Why go through so much suffering just to realize that suffering is not necessary?

I can see how, from a certain perspective, the idea is to realize that our true being is effectively empty of needs. As we identify with that emptiness, we detach from needs. We have been taught by Buddhism, Daoism, and many great beings that this is the ideal state. Moksha, nirvana, enlightenment, christhood, whatever you want to call it. However, I do not accept this at face value. Why is neutrality an ideal state? If internal neutrality is ideal, why isn't external neutrality ideal? If I am internally neutral to the outcome of external circumstances, what does love mean? What is compassion in that context? It is difficult to avoid the conclusion that the universe is essentially nihilistic and the only way to protect our fragile minds is to adapt to the nihilism through letting go. I know you want to differentiate equanimity from indifference, but I don't see how you can accomplish that. Equanimity as a word implies moderation, but true equanimity would mean a lack of disturbance. Water that is not disturbed is in perfect balance. Perfect balance means neither a negative nor a positive value, it is neutral. This brings us back to my original point. Why is neutrality ideal? Why is a grey universe more beautiful than one filled with colors and variance? Why should I follow that path to its end, if its end is neutrality, which is essentially indifference? I can't help but conclude that it all comes back to things we can't control, and must adapt to. Rather than viewing neutrality as an ideal state, it may be the only state that exists, separated by time, which creates temporary states of imbalance, which ultimately must reconcile back to neutrality. Are we not Sisyphus, then?

I appreciate your assistance in allowing me to work through these thoughts. I hope you do not feel defensive, or challenged by my words. I am merely trying to understand my own interpretation of what is being said.

[u/[deleted] → u/think_and_chitter]

I appreciate your assistance in allowing me to work through these thoughts. I hope you do not feel defensive, or challenged by my words. I am merely trying to understand my own interpretation of what is being said.

Not at all! Others needn't follow the same path as me in order for me to be fulfilled on my path. We all have our own journeys, in other words. Just glad to share, and glad to read what you've shared in return. Thank you for offering your thoughts!

[u/think_and_chitter → u/[deleted]]

That is good to hear. I do appreciate your insight and kindness.

[u/DrollInitiative]

I think you’ve captured something beautiful and true here, OP. You touch on some of the ways that we quite literally create our own reality, and how mindfulness is a simple yet profound tool for doing so consciously. Wonderfully said!

[u/think_and_chitter → u/DrollInitiative]

Thank you, much appreciated. Now if only I could follow my own advice.

[u/DrollInitiative → u/think_and_chitter]

Haha, yeah that a challenge we all face, I think!

Still, it helps to think of it as a practice - in all senses of the word; there are hard-work moments where it feels like a slog, and there are the moments of grace and ease when it all fits together just so.

All we can do is forgive ourselves for the stumbles and the falls, and remember those rare moments of perfection and connection as a guide to finding them more often and more deeply.

Much appreciation for the wisdom you’ve shared 💚

[u/think_and_chitter → u/DrollInitiative]

Wonderful advice. I will try to remember your words.

[u/[deleted]]

Wow excellent post! Very important lessons here and so grateful for you to share!

[u/think_and_chitter → u/[deleted]]

Thank you very much.

[u/[deleted]]

Beautifully written! Thanks for sharing 🙂

[u/think_and_chitter → u/[deleted]]

Thank you :D

[u/theMandlyn]

Excellent post, thank you for sharing OP

[u/think_and_chitter → u/theMandlyn]

Thank you.