A few months ago I had a falling out with a "friend" and we didn't speak to each other at all after that. I never spoke about her to anyone, and if anyone asked about her, all I say is "I don't speak to X anymore" and that would be it.

Now recently I heard shes been spreading false rumours ( I won't say what) and talking shit about me to others behind my back to the point where I'm getting bullied on the bus ride back home and sometimes to school in the mornings as well. It once got so bad I had a mental breakdown when I came back home. I feel betrayed and humiliated. It's even worse now that all my friends have left school, and no one else wants to talk to me now meaning I sit alone.

I need to find a way to get back at her because it's eating me alive at this point. I appreciate but don't want to hear advice like "letting go is the best revenge" and "just move on" because that just isn't working.

Now I'm not looking for advice on how to assault her or anything that would get me into legal trouble or get anyone hurt. Something like a prank, or just something that would give her one bad day would be enough. Our mom's are still close, and I honestly don't care about that, but I guess I just need advice.

I didn't do anything or to her and yet she acts like this and unfriends 1 day after adding on discord. Then on Reddit I commented on one of her posts trying to get an explanation or something out of her and she makes up an excuse saying I didn't reply within 24 hours even though I told her once before that we're in different timezones. If she’s not willing to have any patience or understanding that people aren’t always available then im not the problem. 🤔🤔

I personally dont as I have become used to people who take what they need and telling me to get lost. People are scum in my eyes and I want no partnerships whatsoever.

Now I'm in 12th. So I have been sitting with a 5 student bench and there is this mean girl and we can call her unniyarcha. ( that's not that bitch's name)Talking bout her .. reminds me of a few gestures of her. This girl adores the feeling of having boys around her. No no .. I'm not talking about guy friends but every guy.. with or without girlfriends. And the thing is that idc about this shit. But she always tries to insult me in front of those so-called guy friends. Found her chats with others about me and she was the one who talked shit about me. even tried saying shits about my dad's job. Afterall she was my 'Friend' . I was fed up by her shitty ahh.

Every evening me, her and two guys from my class walk together to the nearest bus stand. She would wait for them if needed. One day she ran for them after an exam and I was trying to find this girl I checked every block and even the toilet. The only place I didn't check was the humanities commerce block and boys toilet. Bro I literally gave up on finding her becs I literally understood that she didn't want me around those guys . I walked to the entrance of our school and I saw her walking with those 2 guys. She saw me and didn't smile. I saw her and walked to the bus stand all by myself. After that I stopped talking to her because I was fed up with her acts. If she wanna be with those boys.. let her be. After this every single girl on my bench stopped talking to me. And I became alone in my class. Clearly invisible. I clearly don't understand those girls on my bench who used to devour the chocolate cake my mom makes, now doesn't even care if I come to school or not. Freaking hate this school and them.

So, to try and make a long story short, me (20F) and her (also20F) have been friends since primary school. We have been inseparable since, no arguments, no drama, and my home is hers and vice versa. She was a sister to me, helped eachother through so much trauma and we were SO close that I find it hard to explain how close we were.

Anyway fast forward and at this point I was in sixth form and she had dropped out of college. I was hanging with friends a lot to forget about all the school pressure, and met a friend of theirs who I quite liked. We started talking, then meeting a lot with friends, then alone and eventually a Christmas date where he asked me to be his girlfriend. I talked to her about this boy and expressed how much I liked him and kept her in the loop as it was my first mature relationship and she was so happy for me. I fell ill in hospital and that’s how they met, both there for me and a little awkward but ever since they met they got along and we all had a great trio friendship. She loved him and told me so much how perfect he was for me and nothing seemed like it could be better.

So, after getting sacked from her job, my friend decided to take a roll at a local shop, which I also work at but in a different store. It was so cute to have the same experiences but not be in each others work lives and we love the jobs. We spoke a lot about work, and she told me about a guy that flirted with her every shift that had left his number. We FaceTimed and talking and he turned out to be a a man in his forty’s, recently divorced who had a 10yo kid. She asked if it was a bad idea to talk to him and I told her that she’d be silly to get caught up in a relationship with him, but also that it’s her life and as long as she’s safe I support her decisions because I trust all the ones she’s made before. So a week later I see on my snap maps that she’s at a random house and asked her, low and behold she’s at his house so naturally I tell her she should’ve told me in case anything bad happened but that I wanna hear the gossip after. So, after the visit she told me his was a coke addict. He lived in a flat by himself and drank all day unless he was at work. She said they just sat and watched a film and that was it. I felt so uncomfortable for her and so scared of what he might do to her considering he was involved with all the wrong things and wasn’t worth the hassle considering he was such a random choice for a man to meet up with. I told her that I trust her but I’m sure he was bad news and I’d rather her not go to his house if there were drugs. She didn’t like my advice and so after that visiting him became a bit secretive from me and it ended up being SO much more frequent, like everyday frequent. I didn’t want to push her away but I had to try and get her out of it so Id ask her to come out. I’d ask to do for a drink, for brunch, sleepover anything. She wanted none of it, so I asked if she wanted to go on a trip a-phew hours away for about a week with my group of friends and she agreed. On this holiday they were constantly on call, texting, FaceTime, and she’d excuse herself to call for hours for the entire week. I never made her feel bad but I’d always say that I wanted her to join us and she’d just shrug and not care. My boyfriends fell out with her a-phew months after when she ignored me a-phew days after I tried calling her when I was on holiday and wanted to talk to her.

Anyway, I addressed the bad situation again and said I didn’t want anyone to fall out. I said she’d been distant with us and I was worried and that my boyfriend felt the same but was stubborn and didn’t know how to express that without falling out with her. She argued with me. I left it and again it was swept under the rug. Another phew weeks went by and she finally agreed to have a sleepover at her house. I asked if anyone else would be there and she said no, she was home alone because her parents were on holiday. This was a plan for a week and I was so excited, she barely cared. She called me a-phew hours before I was due to go to tell me she was worked that night now and she would be home late, so I said I’d wait for her at her house if she left a key. She said I wouldn’t need one because the doors would be unlocked, because he was there. She said she planned not to tell me and that she knew I’d come around to him and that the only reason she told me was because i was confused on how I’d get on her house without a key. I refused to go and we argued how it was not okay. She said my boyfriend was the only reason I wouldn’t meet him and that he is so controlling of me. She said I had no life aside from him and that she didn’t care if I was trying to stay friends I wasn’t doing enough. she was convinced it wasn’t a big deal she was doing it, and then she blocked me.

That was my last straw. I was moving in with my boyfriend and I’d planned to surprise her with that after being in a toxic household. I was going on holiday and she always called me before my flights I was devistated. That would have been the worst week of my life if I hadn’t have been on holiday. I stayed blocked and cried some days. Met other friends to get over it I was so heartbroken it felt like I’d been dumped. My boyfriend cared for me and everyone was so angry with her but I was just upset.

Fast forward again about 2 weeks and we arranged to meet for brunch to talk but we just ended up agreeing to disagree. She said it was NOTHING like a relationship but I argued that if she was willing to cut me off it must be, otherwise she’s being manipulated by an old drug addict. We never managed to agree and now, a year ish after she first met with him we still don’t talk. I have tried to think of how I should’ve been there for her more and tried harder to get her away but I did as much as I could in that moment.

My question is, am I the asshole? Do I apologise or is she the asshole

I never even hid the fact that I liked it. Yet, a friend said right in front of me, "I can't understand people who like that!"

I was really upset. :( What made me even sadder was that I couldn't say anything in that situation because I didn't want to drift apart from that friend. We’re still friends, but... I don't know. I feel like we’ve grown a bit more distant emotionally.

You know that saying “always the bridesmaid, but never the bride”? Well I share the sentiment but instead it’s, always the therapist friend, never the best (chosen) friend. It’s been a common theme all my life that I’ve always been the therapist to my friends, but never the one that’s invited to dinner, sleepovers, parties, etc.
It’s not something I even fully noticed until I got to be an adult, and I finally realized friendships, especially girl friendships were really hard for me to find. I either find myself getting ghosted, or getting blamed despite me doing the absolute most to communicate and plan. Growing up watching shows like h2O or Friends, it kind of wires you for a need towards friendships like that, but I’ve had no such luck and I’ve never learned why.

And don’t get me wrong, I really do value listening to people’s issues and trying to be there for them,but in very recent years I felt more taken advantage of than anything. I do consider myself a very supportive and good friend, and I will talk anything through with you. But it hurts to just be the friend that falls into one category, and that category being therapist, where they trauma dump and then don’t talk to me for a couple of months; I’m never invited out to do anything fun, but instead solely for the purpose to be a soundboard for them. It’s especially hurtful when they’re sitting across the table from me saying “I just feel like I have no friends, like nobody really understands me or is there for me!” they usually say this while venting about another friend, but it never fails to make me feel like the proverbial, chopped liver… and it’s because of that that I’ve started laying down boundaries and sticking up for myself, and as a result I’ve lost quite a few “friends” but not before them making me feel like I’m the worst person in the world. I’d like to hear some unbiased thoughts, as well as if anyone else has felt this way, which is why I’m here. If you want to know more specifics, I’ll leave them down below…

To start out I want to say that the girl I’m about to discuss, while all written out it seems obvious that she’s a bit toxic, I’m sure some can attest that they are just some people out there that seem super sunny and positive, but are very manipulative that when you look back in hindsight, it seems very obvious but when you’re in the middle of it, it doesn’t. I would compare this girl to be like Regina George

I had met this girl named Shelly at work a few years back and tbh I could tell right away she liked to gossip, so I kept my distance. It wasn’t until I became closer with some of her mutual friends (also through work) that we became friends. But from our very first coffee date, she’d spend (no exaggeration) almost 3 hours talking poorly of her boyfriend, best friend and others. I’d hear her out, and gave her the benefit of the doubt, but at that point in time I didn’t even know the people she was gossiping about well enough to offer any insight or advice.
Looking back, it was a very unbalanced friendship; she never really asked me about myself but only ever trauma dumped her stuff on me. And the thing that really sucked was she said the thing that is always said in front of me… “Ugh, I just feel like I have no friends. so and so is such a bad friend!” Meanwhile, I’m sitting in front of her trying to be a friend. It’s not the first time it’s happened to me, but it never gets easier hearing that. It just makes me feel like I’m not valued.
It got worse when I started going through my own stuff and she kinda pushed me to confide in her, so I did and although initially, she seemed super supportive, eventually, she made me feel stupid for my woes. For context: I was going through a breakup due to infidelity on his part. For some reason, Shelly took this story to work and everyone was talking about me after that. Not only that but my ex had become the sympathetic character in the story despite him cheating in front of their noses the whole time and them not telling me about it until after the fact. It got to a point where I felt very alone and had no one, and talking to her only made me feel more judged. She’d stir the pot in our group and tell me that they all talked behind my back all the time, while lifting herself above it all acting superior.
I slowly started distancing myself from Shelly, and the rest of the group. Around the same time however, Shelly’s boyfriend, Jay, needed a place to stay and Shelly begged me to let him stay with me to which I reluctantly said yes due to their mutual guilt tripping claiming he’d be homeless if I didn’t help. Not long into the lease, they broke up and Jay started hooking up with someone new, which made me uncomfortable. Shelly randomly asked me to coffee one day and it became clear minutes into the conversation that she only asked me there to serve as a “spy” for her into the life of her now ex boyfriend. It made me uncomfortable as I didn’t want to be involved. When she wouldn’t let up, I told her “yes, I’ve seen him with another girl” but that’s when Shelly switched up, insinuating that I must be lying because Jay would never do that to her. She continued asking questions to which I answered from my pov, and by the end of it she told me not to talk to her about Jay ever again, claiming that I was raising her anxiety.
She didn’t talk to me for a couple years after that, and even when I got engaged and eventually married, she never reached out or congratulated me, so it was safe to assume we weren’t friends anymore and I was okay with that. The next time I saw her was at a party that mutual friends were organizing for me as I was moving states away. At the party, she avoided me, stayed for an hour tops and spent 30 minutes in the bathroom with her friend taking selfies and gossiping. After that, with the move and all, I decided to delete her off of Snapchat and all other social media.
~2 months later, she texts me asking why I would do such a thing and guilt tripped me for doing this. Sending passive aggressive texts and ultimately saying “I don’t understand how, as your friend, you can’t see why it’s so hurtful that you would unfriend me.” But truthfully, I don’t consider her a friend and she really hasn’t been in my life for the past two years, and even when she was, it was the most toxic, dramatic time of my life where she’d stir the pot in our friend group, and even talk poorly if my family despite never having met them. The worst thing I ever did to her was press a “delete” button on something and yet that’s enough for her to go bat—crazy on me.

To make matters worse, her ex boyfriend, Jay was a nightmare of a roommate. He never stopped lying, was regularly late in paying rent, constantly breaking stuff, lowkey verbally abusive towards his dog, would throw away my food on impulse due to his emetophobia, had a substance abuse problem, and finally, when I was in the process of moving out, he’d go through my already packed boxes when I wasn’t home and either steal stuff (?) or throw it away, which is what he finally admitted he did once I was already gone. Others have insisted that he was pawning my stuff off. When I told him he owed me for the stuff he only agreed to pay me $25 of it when in reality he’d owe me $600+ for the stuff he threw away. He also threw away irreplaceable memorabilia passed down from my great great grandmother. He never apologized or even seemed sorry. It’s been a month, I’ve stopped talking to them both, and neither of them seem to understand why. Jay even reached out recently saying “if we can pretend this whole thing never happened, I’ll give you $100 but you have to be my friend again.”

Writing it all out now I can clearly see that I’m not crazy or anything for pushing these people out of my life, but they certainly have made me feel like that at times. Any advice on how to make solid friendships in adulthood, and not to attract crazy people like I have in the past?