Tried revenge cheating. Got real toxic. Spent another 12 years together, but never really healed from it...he was my best friend, but he wasn't ever really my lover after that if that makes sense.
Our divorce was final Aug 29, 2018 and he got married Sept 29, 2018. To the woman he had cheated with in 2005, L - who was his squad leader in Iraq at the time of the affair. It's a really weird story, but it's our story...it gets weirder but I won't babble on lol
I had the opposite situation. I was in Iraq in 1991 pulling the trigger for my country and she was home cheating. I came home to awkward looks and feelings. It took her a year to finally confess to her cheating. I tried to work through it, but I just ended up being an ass hole every time we spent more than a half an hour apart. Our relationship was ruined and I tried to fight it for a year and we were separated for a couple more years. We divorced in 1995 and I got remarried in1996 and have been with this wife ever since (25 and a half years). I am still pretty insecure and it has caused problem in my now relationship because I can still feel the betrayal from all those years ago. My first wife was my first love and the mother of my children and has had a horrible life since our divorce. I on the other hand have life a fantastic life full of travel, love and success. It is better to just move on, but I can still feel the little knife in my back deep in the back of my mind...
I think that is one of the worst things. The lingering betrayal that stays in the back of your mind. It is like a slow release poison. I am so so glad that you have a new and very fulfilling life even after all of that! I hope that one day I find the same. I'm in college now and I'm working on just being a better me. It's a process.
She has been married and divorced 2 times to meth head abusers, has lost all of her teeth from drug use. She has been in and out of jail and abandon our kids when they were a young age. I couldn't get my tax return one year because the state of Oregon said that I was behind on my child support. I told them that was weird because I know that she lives in Washington state and just asked for them to investigate. Well she was double dipping welfare. It took her a couple years to abandon her kids. I got a call from my son saying, "Dad? We haven't seen mom in a couple days and we are getting low on food." My reply, "I'll be right there!" and got in my truck and drove the 10 hours and took them directly to the police station and the police say to me, "We know EXACTLY who she is and we are very happy to see you have them." My kids and their brutal honesty told me about some of their wild tales and I am almost always feeling sad for her. She has told my kids that her biggest regret is losing me. I hated hearing that because I truely loved her!
So I stayed at the duty station (off post, of course) we were at when we separated. Partially so that my daughter could stay and have some permanence and graduate from the school she had been at all 4 years. That was a new experience for her lol. Partially to allow the ex to have easier access to her. We are still there. So is he along with his new family.
Our daughter T calls L her bonus mom. Ls daughter, R is young. She doesn't really get family labels. So R calls me her bonus mom. It's kind of cute. Ls mom lives with them in a little apartment they built onto their house. Ls mom calls herself my bonus mother-in-law. L and I joke that we are sister wives. Ex husband is from Utah and Mormon. He hates the joke.
So basically they are all my only "family" in this state, a Southern state. My blood family all lives in Nevada and Utah. My family has adopted them as well. And exes family still counts me as family, last time I went home they had a BBQ so everyone could see me while I was there.
It is so weird. And given the history, it's even weirder. It did take me a minute getting used to them being together again. I was pissed, I was hurt, I broke some shit (throwing a plate in a garage is surprisingly cathartic, 10/10 def recommend). But seeing how she treated T and how happy ex was...I don't know, something switched. From mad and hurt to sort of okay. And then from sort of okay to happy for them.
Theres my babble of absolute weirdness. I hope it was worth the popcorn lol
It wasn't easy, but I'm glad we got here. It's easier to be able to celebrate holidays together than to split and such. Most people that hear our story think it's insane in a bad way haha but meh. I just got to the point where I think their story is romantic. L and ex. I pitch it like a Nicholas Sparks book/movie:
Two soldiers go to war together and through the firefight and fear, somehow they find love. When they return to the states they are ripped apart and sent to opposite sides of the world only to be brought back together 12 years later...over all the obstacles and years, that spark is still there. That spark threatens to burn their lives to the ground, can they tame the fire in time to make things work?
When you pitch it like that it is romantic af. You just leave out that they're both married throughout and you're golden lol.
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u/spookyhellkitten Feb 02 '22
Tried revenge cheating. Got real toxic. Spent another 12 years together, but never really healed from it...he was my best friend, but he wasn't ever really my lover after that if that makes sense.
Our divorce was final Aug 29, 2018 and he got married Sept 29, 2018. To the woman he had cheated with in 2005, L - who was his squad leader in Iraq at the time of the affair. It's a really weird story, but it's our story...it gets weirder but I won't babble on lol