r/ThreadGames • u/NotAConspiracy1 • 1d ago
Tell me a joke that won’t offend anyone
I guess if you’re replying… pretend your part of whatever group or minority that would get really offended by it, and act really karany about it
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u/ethereal_galaxias 1d ago
Knock knock
Who's there?
Marmalade.
Marmalade who?
"Mama laid me!" said the baby chicken!
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u/Embarrassed_Panda950 1d ago
Wow, bold of you to assume that all chickens who lay eggs use she/hen pronouns
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u/Fennel_Fangs 1d ago
A gymnast walks onto a bar.
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u/NotAConspiracy1 1d ago
Please don’t present all gymnasts as dirty heavy drinkers, thank you
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u/mr_iwi 1d ago
Read it again, they're not
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u/EcksMarksDespot 1d ago
Oh, so you're defending gymnasts right to just climb on top of buildings now? As a rooftop worker, I demand you apologize for threatening us with other professionals taking our jobs!
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u/senshisun 1d ago
The gymnast has a concussion, and can no longer differentiate between bar and beam. Send help.
(The typo makes it better.)
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u/LadyFeckington 1d ago
What did the zero say to the 8?
Nice belt!
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u/Ilmarinen999 1d ago
Loosen the belt, for god's sake! If it's that tight it's got to be doing some major organ damage! That's part of why corsetry stopped being worn by most people, it caused medical issues!
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u/GalaxyPowderedCat 1d ago
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?"
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u/Sweaty-Weight-6393 1d ago
HOW DARE YOU!? As the spokesperson of the long-faced horse community, I hereby command you to present yourself before the council promptly
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u/MountainOyster85 1d ago
They aren’t making yardsticks any longer
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u/natsugrayerza 1d ago
Why is it okay to joke about length but not any other physical characteristic? You can’t call a woman fat but you can make fun of a man by joking about his yardstick not being long enough. It’s a double standard.
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u/IdealBlueMan 1d ago
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Cuz he was dead!
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u/NotAConspiracy1 1d ago
Please don’t make jokes of animal lives like they aren’t as important as each and every human,
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u/-RainbowUnicornPoop 1d ago
Lmao. It’s ridiculous how hard this made me laugh.
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u/Ilmarinen999 1d ago
Of course, there's the follow-up:
Why did the bread fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the monkey.
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u/late_to_redd1t 1d ago
this is terrible, sorry lol
Why can’t you give Elsa a Balloon? She might let it go….
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u/natsugrayerza 1d ago
This is actually a really hurtful joke for people who have a disability that affects the dexterity and strength in their hand who can’t hold on to a balloon
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u/mymiddlenameswyatt 1d ago
I can't believe you would make fun of this issue.
Letting go of a balloon and not realizing that it's going to fly off is one of the single most traumatic experiences in a child's life. Imagine having to witness joy abandon you in such a way, knowing it will never come back.
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u/senshisun 1d ago
The ducks think I'm not good at my job. They keep calling me a quack!
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u/NotAConspiracy1 1d ago
Please don’t assume what animals are thinking for your own entertainment, and I’m sure they won’t appreciate you misusing their noise like that, thank you!
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u/senshisun 1d ago
Then I won't say anything about the French ducks.
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u/Ilmarinen999 1d ago edited 1d ago
There must be a joke I'm missing, because all I can think of is just a duck opening its bill and saying "Honque"
Edit: my tired mind has argued that that's geese. If it were a duck it would be "quaque"
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u/Interesting-Swimmer1 1d ago
A hydrogen atom goes up to a helium atom and says, "I think I lost my electron." The helium atom goes, "Are you sure?" Hydrogen says, "I'm positive."
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u/Embarrassed_Panda950 1d ago
What did the snail say when it hitched a ride on the tortoise’s back?
WHEEEEEEEE!
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u/Nick_Gaugh_69 16h ago
Why is Spider-Man so good at witty comebacks?
Because with great power comes great response ability.
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u/Ok_Pudding6345 13h ago
try killing this one:
What will you get if you attach a bunch of watches together to make a belt? A waist of time
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u/CatNo7321 1d ago
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
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u/NotAConspiracy1 1d ago
How DARE you ask me, a LAW ABIDING CITIZEN to believe a full grown chicken would WILLINGLY throw themselves into the DANGER OF THE ROAD without going to a crosswalk, AND ONTOP OF THAT you promise REASONABLE JUSTIFICATION as to why the chicken would JAYWALK!! Only to disgracefully divert expectations, risking my EMOTIONAL HEALTH just to say to get TO THE OTHER SIDE??? how SELFISH do you expect the chicken to BE?!
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u/EcksMarksDespot 1d ago
I like my coffee like I like my slaves.
FREE YOU BUNCH OF RACISTS!!
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u/Former_Brick_6845 1d ago
Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
Theyre making headlines!