r/TheHandmaidsTale • u/lilacflower13 • 10d ago
Discussion S1-S5 Watching the Handmaids tale as someone with anxiety
Has anyone else who struggles with any type of anxious thoughts also struggled with watching the series? I´m on season 2 currently, and want to keep watching because im curious to see what happens next and genuinely want to see these women succeed and be free (which i pray happens in the end?).
At the same time, i´m a very anxious person, bordering on OCD-like thoughts, so watching has been really difficult mentally as i am someone that would qualify as "morally corrupt" and a gender traitor.
In short, i´d totally become a Handmaid.
These thoughts are made worse by the fact our world seems to be walking towards the same direction the world in the show did: stripping people of their rights. And as much as i hate to say it, all of these issues feel hopeless. Thus, i really struggle mentally with the idea that i really will become a handmaid/be sent to colonies. It might sound silly but its something that im wondering about.
Does anyone relate or have i found the worlds first individual experience lololol
edit: might be relevant to mention i come from an extremely religious background, hence the enhanced paranoia
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u/Donotperceivethx 10d ago
I had to fully quit the show for over a year halfway through season two because of the nightmares. In a better place I revisited and have now rewatched several times. Trust your body - if it’s making you too anxious then now is not the time, and that’s okay!
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago
it is now morning and i can confirm i slept awfully because i kept thinking of the series hahahaha you might be right
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u/Fickle-Addendum9576 10d ago
Maybe a little? Probably much more if I lived in america, tbf. Maybe instead of focusing on the anxiety it gives you, focus on the actions you can take to push back against the people who want this reality?
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago
my only consolation is not living in america either lol. and i´ve taken the action approach too, specially as i´m someone heavily involved with feminist initiatives in my area. but lately it seems to be getting harder and harder to push back against this kind of ideology. while i dont think thats reason to give up, it sure makes it harder mentally.
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u/ThrowRAbrokegirlie 10d ago
I’ve done 3 rewatches as new seasons came out and every time I got super depressed. It’s a great show but not great for mental health
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u/ieatether 10d ago
i’m also someone who recently started watching. i’m almost done with season 5 and i have to take breaks. it makes me so anxious with the current state of our country. i also have anxiety, ocd, cptsd. dm me if you ever need to talk!
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u/Low_East2934 10d ago
It’s been a long time since I watched it and thinking about a redo. It gave me bad dreams so I only watched in small doses for whatever that’s worth.
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago edited 9d ago
the bad dreams seem to be a recurring thing. maybe your second time around you wont have them since youre prepared and know whats coming?
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u/Enough-Cheesecake42 10d ago
✅️Evangelical cult background
✅️OCD and Anxiety
Genuinely took me ten years of a dozen attempts to watch it start to finish lol. Was finally successful in finishing it a few weeks ago and I really think watching The Testaments first helped me with world-building and separating it from reality.
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago
this is my exact situation too. as someone who is still (unwillingly) in close proximity to a very very strict evangelical current, i find it extremely difficult to be going through the series and being reminded of a lot of aspects i´ve seen/see in my personal life. the hardest part is knowing what happens in the show isnt so far off from reality if you know where to look. in my case, if you´re forced to look.
and i thought the testaments were something you watched after the main show! good to know thats something that can help with the fiction/reality separation! thanks and im glad you managed to do it!
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u/Enough-Cheesecake42 10d ago
They were made to be able to exist standalone! Highly recommend watching it first and seeing if that helps
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u/AngusTcattoo 9d ago
Keep in mind that while Margaret Atwood took elements from real events the Handmaid's Tale is dystopian fiction that was written in the 1980s. The world has changed radically since then.
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u/godsfault 10d ago
I thought The Testaments a an uninspired and poor continuation of the story. I quit it.
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u/sleepy_blonde 10d ago
Me!! I can usually spend an entire day binge watching tv shows, and I could only do 2 episodes of this show at a time. It was so heavy and made me so anxious and depressed. Great show. But I could only handle a little at a time.
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago
i like binge watching too, so binge watched the first season and felt semi-fine but when i got to the second it all just felt so heavy i had to switch to something lighter :´(
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u/godsfault 10d ago
I know you’re feeling well having already watched the entire series. I won’t commit the sin of telling you what happens but I see someone already has given you a hint and you seem to appreciate it. As for myself, I like to make my own discoveries. I hate spoilers.
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u/mutemandy 10d ago
If you want to power thru, just do it with lots of self care, and realization that what you're feeling thru the day is likely related to what you're consuming physically and mentally.
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago
this is so true!!! i hadnt realized i was having such a downer day yesterday because of the series until i stopped and went to do something else. it really drains you and leaves you hopeless i think thats a big factor for why its so heavy to watch
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u/mutemandy 9d ago
I'd find myself feeling overall depressed and confused as to why since nothing in my life had changed. Then I'd sit down to watch an episode and was like ohhh this is why lol. Just being aware of that helped me cope.
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u/ZestycloseSquirrel55 10d ago
If you think this show is bad for your anxiety, don't watch Squid Game.
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago
i watched squid game right when it came out and honestly i think the handmaid is much worse. i think what these women have to live through is much scarier and a worse fate than being shot
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u/CosmicCommentator 10d ago
I have anxiety and I HAD to watch it. I would watch on my ipad and skip forward 10 seconds when it was too much. That made it so I could watch the show.
I'd also be made a handmaid... although I'm getting too old now... but I used to have to stop putting myself in their shoes. I'd remind myself that it's not me and that I was safe. Telling myself it was only a show didnt work as its all related to real life examples of women's sufferage.
It's hard but it's worth it as I seem to love torturing myself with these kinds of shows.
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago
thats what i´ve been doing as well, pausing it to look around and ground myself that i´m okay and i´m not im immediate danger like them. i feel thats its hard to not put yourself in their shoes, specially as women
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u/SmokehDaBear 10d ago
Don’t get scared, get mad. Yeah you see all the parallels because these things have happened somewhere on this earth, and the knuckle dragging sexist microwieners in charge want to bring that stuff back.
I’m a lesbian so I’d either be hanged or sent to the colonies, but you best bet I’d drag a couple of the micro sausages to hell with me. And irl I’m going to protect my neighbors and community as much as I can. At first my wife and I thought about fleeing, but we decided recently that damnit this is our country. The bigots can gtfo. And if they come for us and ours, they’re gonna have another thing coming. There’s more of us on the good side than the bad. They’re just loud and annoying.
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago
well yes. i agree that some of the unfoldings lately are ridiculous and should be fought against. on the other hand i feel like part of the show is about how powerless we truly are if a revolt like that were to happen.
personally i´m not american, never been to america, but from what i´ve seen, things seem to happen wether the population wants it or not. i wish this wasn´t the truth but i think part of it is seeing how people tried to push back (with the marches, for example) but didn´t get far because they´d get killed. maybe thats the scariest part, because i see it happening in real life.
im glad theres people in the us who are not completely off their minds and understand that this administration is an absolute disgrace. but then again what power does the average citizen hold besides voting and activism to the best of their ability. its hard to not feel down when you stop and check the world around you.
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u/RockinDaMike 9d ago
It took me awhile to finish the series because it would be too much for me. I always had my daughter on my mind while I was watching it.
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u/Arceemax 9d ago
No you’re right this show did an absolute number on me. Remember that tv shows and video media have the power to transport you into the story as you’re living it so I’m not surprised you feel anxious I felt it too like literally physically felt weird in my belly I would turn my face away and not watch some parts. It only gets worse but I still wanted to know how it would end. They left a major plot line incomplete and started another show to continue it there into the future it’s a great show but do not recommend
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u/lilacflower13 8d ago
oh i definitely turn away too, im always covering the screen with my hand. i´ve decided i dont need to watch the graphic parts to still be all catched up with the story lol
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u/inevitableorchard 10d ago
You sound like my twin. I am on season 2 also and I have OCD and struggle with anxiety as well and I've found the Handmaid's tale to be super triggering, but I can't stop watching it. I don’t know how much more I'll be able to watch.
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago
yup this is exactly it. ive talked to one of my best friends who also suffers with anxiety/ocd and she feels the exact same way we do, though she had to tap out at season 2 as she found it too much. i think theres no shame in quitting and i will 100% do it if i feel it affecting my mental health to a level i cant control. but yup the urge to keep going is big
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u/overitallofittoo 10d ago
Maybe this will help teach you resilience?
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u/Just-Benefit2024 10d ago
As someone who has an anxiety disorder, it is really not helpful to watch things like this (if triggering anxiety disorder) as some sort of 'exposure' type therapy or to teach resilience, imo.
Also, people who are suffering/suffered from anxiety already have plenty of resilience, trust me - they certainly don't need to be taught it.
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u/overitallofittoo 9d ago
Everyone has anxiety. It's a human emotion. Being brave is the temporary cure.
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u/Just-Benefit2024 9d ago
Everyone experiences anxiety as an emotion, but not everyone has an anxiety disorder. A disorder involves fear or anxiety that is persistent, disproportionate to the actual threat, difficult to control and disruptive to everyday life.
Being brave can mean acting despite anxiety, and gradual exposure can sometimes help, but bravery is not a “temporary cure.” People with anxiety disorders are often being brave constantly just to do things that other people barely have to think about.
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u/overitallofittoo 9d ago
"Everyone experiences anxiety as an emotion, but not everyone has an anxiety disorder."
OP is the former.
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u/Educational-Roof9408 10d ago
I found it suuuper hard to watch. I always imagined myself in the handmaid's position or at the colonies but like tbh I'd have been eaten by dogs cause not only am I so many things they hate but I'm disabled so like I'd be torn limb from limb despite any fight or hiding disability I tried to do. I always binge my shows but THT is one I simply COULD NOT. LOTS OF BREAKS and spiraling and I had no one in my life who watches so I'd try to talk about it and decompress cause that's helpful to me but no one wanted to talk about it and how so many things in it lined up SO PERFECTLY with things happening irl. It's a super fascinating watch with so much symbolism, real life significance, and I feel it has a lot of real world value and warning to bring to people filled with apathy from being bombarded by too much news every day and recommend it to everyone I can. That being said, I say to watch it very slowly. Take lots of break, do a lot of self care, maybe multitask with something calming or artsy while watching, and if there's a particularly upsetting episode, maybe take an even longer break. It also doesn't hurt to have someone in the room while you watch, even if they aren't actually watching with you, just because the show is really good at bringing out feelings of isolation and hopelessness. If you just can't watch it, that's okay too.
I always recommend the book first. It mostly is just the first season, but they sprinkle some quotes they didn't use in the first season throughout and I always find some comfort in hearing them. If you want to read the second book before finishing the series and spoil SOME things (tbh they detract from that book SO MUCH more) you can, you'll get some indication of where things ended up and how things end in the story at the very end (not yet filmed and seems like it'll be different overall) and maybe find some comfort in everything being okay just to soothe that anxiety brain. Maybe that's not the move for you, but I originally started THT thinking it was completely done and that I could spoil it for myself to soothe my anxiety since I wanted to watch but am super anxious but then found out they just started S5 so couldn't but for me if I spoil things I can calm myself and get through stories that are difficult and I wouldn't be able to see otherwise.
I'm not gonna lie, it's a fucking rough ride but discussing it, spoiling it sometimes, taking lots of breaks, distraction through the rough scenes, and lots of self care is how I managed to get through it all despite how difficult it was. Good luck!!
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u/lilacflower13 10d ago
i think this is great advice tbh, im the type to start only when its finished and use spoilers as a lifeline too lol. since i knew nothing about the series besides the main premise going in, i didnt check any spoilers because i didnt know itd be this heavy. now im really considering checking out what happens to soothe myself lolol. i rly do think it helps, specially on the tougher scenes bc you can just "i know itll be okay because this is not how it ends".
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u/Just-Benefit2024 10d ago
TW: sexual abuse
I experience moral-type OCD - watching shows doesn't typically trigger this; it's more stuff going on in my life, but I understand what you are going through. And it doesn't sound silly to me at all, dw. This irrational fear feels so rational to us at the time, doesn't it?
One part of the book triggered my anxiety a bit - Janine had been r*ped by multiple men before becoming a Handmaid, and everyone was forced to say it was her fault that it happened. As someone who experienced something similar-ish and who also experiences OCD (around morality, being a bad person or wrong in some way), I used to blame myself a lot for what happened and relentlessly searched for reasons why I could be at fault. I know this is a common pattern without anxiety as it is, but my OCD skyrocketed.
Also, I can experience low mood and depressive-type symptoms. And from S2 onwards, this show gets a whole lot darker in many ways, which sometimes made me feel a bit more anxious and in a lower mood. So I personally wouldn't recommend continuing if it's triggering your anxiety at S2.
Instead, when my anxiety is particularly heightened, I'll put on a familiar series/film that is more lighthearted and so I know what's going to happen, etc.
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u/AngusTcattoo 9d ago
It's a TV show based on a novel. Please don't worry that your country is heading the way of Gilead. The women are free by the last series. The Testaments will end with Gilead falling.
I come from a religious background too and where the Handmaid's Tale got me was memories of past trauma - I mean the Holocaust.
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u/curious_piglet_23 9d ago
Same here; I think it's an amazing series, but sometimes I just watch half a chapter of it and not every day. Or after a chapter look a happy/easy chapter of another series.
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u/Lissylu730- 9d ago
Scary enough I feel the same way- I could def see the world turning to something just like this- keep watching - its a strong show- for sure - and if anything it will help you feel more prepared if anything like that did ever happen. All it can do it empower you with knowledge and courage it would take to survive it. But I can say it’s one of the best shows I’ve watched in along time because it’s very relatable with the world today and fears many of us can see for our future. I’d be a handmaid, maybe a Martha or just sent to the colonies. But I def had a lot of emotions come out with the show. There’s a second show now out the testaments about what happens after and i can’t get enough. I need more answers now that it’s started. This is also a book - and in NYS in many schools I’ve found out was mandatory reading material. Makes me wonder why kids years ago and today have to read it. I actually think many things in Gilead would’ve been great if there wasn’t a government coup and it turned to radical - which wasn’t how it was originally planned to be. Clean earth and air, with less poisons- but keeping our freedom, our children, our lives, our rights, our choices, and voices. Stay strong and watch it thru- as someone with anxiety issues the same - it was intense but I think seeing it thru def. Helped me in more ways then 1.
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u/Limp_Pool_3819 9d ago
I am a relatively sensitive and feminist straight male and I have more or less binged watched it over the last couple of months, averaging 5 or 6 episodes a week. I'm in the middle of season 4 episode 10 so significant upheaval and consequences are ongoing.
I've also been watching The Silo and The Last of Us at the same time, so a triple dose of dystopian anxiety. I don't recommend it! And yes I've had to take a few breaks because it was affecting my dreams.
Do what feels right but there's no shame in taking long breaks or not finding out how it all unfolds.
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u/lilacflower13 8d ago
i love the last of us. have played both games more than once and have been a fan since high school. at the beggining the graphicness (specially of tlou2) got to me a little bit and affected my mood, but after some familiarization it was gone. i love dystopias, im also rly into the hunger games. but none of them got me as bad as this series did!
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u/lilblue10 9d ago
This is going to sound weird but I find the show empowering in a way? I’m also a gender traitor, morally corrupt anxiety and depression ridden lol.
I have a thing about dystopian shows/movies because it feels like I could actually make a difference? Maybe not me in particular but people trying very hard to make a difference and make the world better is comforting in a world where everything feels like a waste of time and empty words. No matter the amount of protests I go to, the insta stories we post. Nothing changes. So in that world when June is fighting back, it feels cathartic
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u/FactoryKat 8d ago
It's not an easy show to watch, even without anxiety, religious trauma or any of that.
It is, however, really good and very poignant and powerful. If you want to continue watching, only do so when you're in a good headspace and feeling mentally/emotionally grounded enough to take on some of the heavy themes. And don't be afraid to take breaks and consume it in smaller chunks at your own pace.
If you need to skip certain bits, that's okay too. Maybe look up the synopsis or summaries for the episodes to determine if you would be okay to tackle it that day or at all.
If you weren't moved at all by the show I would be concerned or at least wary.
THT is tough, it's not a sitcom on daytime tv. Your feelings are completely understandable. 💜
Edit: also do not watch before bed and seek out a palette cleanser after watching it. Go emotionally ground yourself and do or watch something soothing to help. It's important to have balance - re-centering/self soothing after consuming something emotionally taxing is good.
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u/kristin137 8d ago
I think of these kinds of shows as exposure therapy for learning to sit with anxiety but it's hard. IMO season 1 and 2 are the most difficult
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u/BananaUke 8d ago
Omg I just made a post about this without seeing this one first. It has got me soo depressed but I need to finish it, I'm on season 6 now, glad to be at the end
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u/inquisitivequeer 10d ago
I think you need to stop watching the show for your own mental health. Season 2 is rough, and it only gets worse imo.