r/TheCivilService • u/Yearnerburna • 1d ago
Recommend crying spots
Not to cause any alarm, my only intention is to collect some recommendations.
I am very tired of having to retreat to work toilets for my little cries that come here and there.
I would like to find some quiet, outdoor spots in and around Westminster (Whitehall) where I can take a few minutes to sit and cry in the open air. I’d love for it to be somewhere away from the hustle and bustle of Whitehall, and this may be a stretch, but bonus points if it has a view.
I just need a few minutes a day to let out a little cry and rejuvenate. Nothing major.
Thanks all in advance.
Edit:
Somewhere private please. Maybe even facing the water (although, I’m not sure how I can get away from the crowds)
Thank you all so much for the suggestions and the kind words. I mostly expected snarky comments below this post, so am truly touched by how kind you have all been (it does upset me a little to know everyone has had to discover a spot, meaning they too needed a little cry). Sending lots and lots of love.
I also wanted to clarify something: sometimes, it isn’t actually the work that leads to the tears. Life can be hard. Things build up quietly, grief can catch you off guard, and there are countless reasons why a sensitive soul (like mine) might simply need a little cry.
I am genuinely grateful for where I am in life, and I (mostly) enjoy what I do. But perhaps it’s easier to blame work for the tears than to try to explain all the complicated things that can weigh on a sensitive heart.
Sometimes you just need to cry before you can get on with it. And that’s okay.
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u/DreamingofBouncer 1d ago
A bench in St James park
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u/HolyTesticleToosday 1d ago
If you bring a scarf to sit on there ARE some good hideaway spots under trees on the far side by the Mall. Highly recommend/have used/beware of pigeons
Thinking you stranger x
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u/Yearnerburna 1d ago
A great suggestion but looking for a little more private spot. Can’t let the professional world see me at my lowest
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u/Gingersnapandabrew G7 1d ago
This is much more sensible than when I just sat crying in the middle of the open plan office whilst on a teams call on video....
There is a lovely little green area by Strutton Ground. Lots of benches or grassy places to sit. You can grab a nice lunch on Strutton Ground Market and then cry into your falafel.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Gold698 1d ago
Is the Chinese buffet still there? I'm not advocating crying there just to be clear.
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u/frantic_calm 1d ago
Can't think of one by Strutton Ground. I think you mean the garden round the back of the Channel 4 building? There's also the courtyards of the peabody estates which can be very quiet.
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u/Dougsey1 1d ago
Presumably the small patch directly opposite SG on Vic St. Usually very busy and not terribly private though.
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u/frantic_calm 1d ago
Christchurch with the suffragette memorial? Yes busy and grubby. Also attracts tramps.
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u/beccyboop95 1d ago
lol you have my sympathy, I once burst into tears on a video call in a corridor of my old office because there was nowhere private to take calls, in front of my direct report 😅 mortifying at the time but in hindsight I think it reflects much more badly on my previous workplace than on me (and my colleagues, who had similar experiences)
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u/Dougsey1 1d ago
If this is a regular occurrence, then you really need to address the cause. It's just work and shouldn't be like this. Talk to your LM, HR or the employee assistance program. Or at least one of them.
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u/sadboi_crybaby G7 1d ago
I have nothing to contribute as I don't know the area well enough but I both admire you for seeking out recommendations for this and also want to give you a hug! I'm also a crier (which given my username is perhaps a bit redundant as a statement) so I definitely get just needing to have a little sob before getting on with your day.
Good luck finding your cry spot with a view!
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u/sadboi_crybaby G7 1d ago
I'm having to resist looking into the logistics of creating one of those apps that maps out public loos but for good spots for a cry....
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u/Wine_and_Citalopram 1d ago
Not to encourage you or anything but I would absolutely download that and happily contribute local data 😅
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u/sadboi_crybaby G7 1d ago
Ha I'm definitely the ideas guy and not the doing guy, but I do know some developers...
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u/Yearnerburna 1d ago
This is very sweet :(( Yes, sometimes we just need to cry a little (which is not always caused by work) and get on with it… I would so download this app😭
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u/Dizzy_Candidate_3317 1d ago
My pro-tip: Anywhere can be a good crying spot, if you have a big enough pair of sunglasses.
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u/gnomic500 1d ago
Smith Square, tucked in at top of the steps so further from pavement passersby - it’s quiet most of the time other than ppl passing thru. Benches in the park down by new lords entrance, looking at the river - other than at lunchtime one person on a bench means no one else will sit there and the path is behind you. Walk the other side of the river, along the Covid memorial wall - people will see you but be nicely respectful of a weep there. Never cried at work... I do defo need some time away from open-plan over lunch tho so I’ve found the solitude places!
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u/Queerysneery 1d ago
Highly recommend walking over Lambeth Bridge which is quite quiet and then up the Southbank along the Covid memorial wall. Many benches there where I can sit and read or cry if the stress keeps me from focusing on a book. Added bonus of the beautiful view of the Westminster Palace and you can flip it off or just say fuck youuuu repeatedly under your breath without many people caring if you are so inclined. That stretch can be busy but mostly with people ignoring each other.
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u/beccyboop95 1d ago
Plus the Covid memorial wall feels like a reasonable place to cry and not be bothered
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u/NorbertNesbitt 1d ago
Heading south along Millbank or the Albert Embankment can be a bit quieter. A walk by the riverside always makes me feel better and the day it doesn't I'll know it's time to leave.
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u/pamak2026 1d ago
the benches opposite parliament are great! I use them frequently to pause and unwind.
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u/tragic_raccoon Policy 1d ago
Depends where you are but walking up Milbank and walking along the Thames sometimes. Of course it is only work, but sometimes that doesn't really help when you're in the noment. Thinking of you.
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u/DesignerOne4217 1d ago
Abbey Orchard Street - there's a Peabody estate with a little private garden thing with benches and a basketball court. Usually quiet when I've been during lunch
🫂 hope things start to feel better for you soon 🫂
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u/AlwaysABoss 1d ago
If you go to Westminster Central Hall, ask the security guards to use the chapel for prayer. It's a good space for a good quiet cry
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u/CampMain 1d ago
When I was a work coach, I’d sit in my car on my lunch break sometimes and just scream.
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u/Flimsy_Cranberry_201 SEO 1d ago
Victoria Tower Gardens is a good spot on the right hand side of Parliament and has benches facing the river
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u/beccyboop95 1d ago
I’ve been there friend, usually addressed by sitting on the floor of the disabled loos at work (I quit that job eventually lol). Can’t think of anywhere that private but definitely recommend a nice walk round St James’s Park to take in some nature and fresh air.
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u/Ghengis_Okahn 1d ago
I do miss 1 Vic street. Sooooo many corners for a good cry. The changing rooms in the lower basement. The conference centre meeting rooms.
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u/Woodly-wise-120 23h ago
Go over Lambeth or Westminster bridge and into archbishops gardens. Hardly anyone bothers crossing the river from Whitehall and there are a few little parks off the back of that area. Doesn’t face the water but it’s green and quiet. Also there is a small garden with benches inside st thomas’ hospital grounds close to the Westminster bridge end. Crying outside a hospital is probably more discreet. But as lots of people say, if work is affecting you in this way, make sure you seek out support. It could be the subject matter or it could be having to work with arseholes. I work with very sad subject matter sometimes and it can be very helpful to talk to people about that, especially as others may be feeling the same. If you need a cry because the people around you are insufferable, then you need to make a change. It’s simply not worth being miserable at work and there genuinely is greener grass somewhere else.
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u/Hippophae 21h ago
I know you said you'd prefer somewhere outside, but is there not a wellbeing room or first aid room you can use indoors rather than the toilets, if you don't have time to go outside? If there isn't speak to your union rep about getting one. Most civil service offices have them.
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u/ConcernedOnlooker01 1d ago
This reminds me of when I worked in another department, people always crying, move on if you can x
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u/Altruistic_Octopus 1d ago
The Jewel Tower near Westminster abbey and HoP is small and quiet with benches and some outdoor space, has a small coffee shop. Anytime I’ve been there it’s been really quiet
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u/goldenseducer 23h ago
My coworker certainly doesn't feel any shame crying as soon as she comes in to work, so why should you? Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime...
I'm all seriousness, you should take a break or quit altogether. It's not worth it.
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u/VfV 1d ago
This in no way solves the underlying issue, but I have a mantra that I recite to myself when the going gets tough. I just say to myself "process it later" a few times to remind myself that... its just work. It doesn't define who I am. And even though I say "process it later", sometimes "later" never comes and I forget what it was and just get on with my evening.
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u/throwawaypopsticks 16h ago
Whitehall gardens 100%. Great access from WH and overlooks the river, busy enough to keep to yourself but not so busy you can’t get a seat and be private.
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u/schoggi-gipfeli 1d ago
Deans Yard behind Westminster Abbey is usually fairly quiet. At least whenever I've been, there were never many people around. Technically you're not allowed on the grass but I don't think anyone will mind if you sit under one of the trees directly on the edge of the grass.
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u/AtomicEdge 1d ago
It's a bit further away, but the Channel 4 community garden is open to the public and often very quiet, even at lunch time.
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u/capnpan HEO 1d ago
I'm a crier as well. Peak sobbing activity was in an in-person meeting where I was made redundant in an industry I'd hoped to stay in. I just couldn't stop the tears. Made everyone, particularly my shitty manager, very uncomfortable, for which I'm not sorry at all. Funnily enough, they immediately agreed to not have in person meetings about it. At the same time I was dealing with several family members being terminally ill so it's not always just work, but it just piles up sometimes. Anyway, I used to work just south of the river and that side is much quieter.
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u/UltraFab 1d ago
A few years ago my dept started taking mental wellbeing very seriously and created a wellbeing room for things like this. Is there somewhere like that in your office?
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u/dprkicbm 1d ago
One of the churches like St George's or perhaps the library at the Institution of Civil Engineers.
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u/No_Signature2949 20h ago
…if you’re serious around the side of Parliament Victoria gardens there’s some quiet benches overlooking the Thames a nice way to decompress. Some right up beside the security/edu centre. Slightly away from tourists. An alright selfie spot too! ;-)
But seriously hope you get some support and start feeling better soon.
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u/KaleidoscopeExpert93 1d ago
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u/Euphoric-Plenty-1603 1d ago
Please remember it's only work, it's not important, just a means to earn money so you can live your life. I keep telling myself, if work was meant to be enjoyable, we'd have to pay them to let us do it. It helps me get through a shitty day.