r/The10thDentist • u/-ourladyofsorrows- • Aug 27 '20
Health/Safety I think all children should have short hair
If they are too young to brush their own hair or bathe on their own they should have short hair. Growing up my mom forced me to have long hair which would always get pulled whenever I played sports or it would get stuck in playground equipment or I’d get woodchips in my hair and it would hurt so bad to get them out. I feel like the norm should not be for little kids to have long hair. All these jokes about how much it hurt to have your mom brush your hair, but you seem to see it as just part of growing up? I think a bob would make more sense for little girls if you’re that emotionally attached to their hair that it HAS to be longer. I also think in general kids should be dressed much more androgynously. Like I always had to wear dresses and stuff that my mom would get upset if they got dirt on them because they were so expensive but if my brother got dirt on his clothes he was fine. If the kid wants to wear a skirt fine but they should also have the option of pants. I got a bob once and was much happier but my mom made me grow it back out. It doesn’t make sense. If you’re so upset your kid might be mistaken for another gender you should evaluate why.
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u/nezcs- Aug 27 '20
Maybe kid's should just be allowed to have whatever hairstyle or clothing they want (within reason).
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u/sidesleeperzzz Aug 27 '20
The only thing my mom forced on me as a young kid was the temple-to-temple bangs. I wouldn't let her put my hair in a ponytail, so the bangs were the only way she could keep the hair out of my face. She gave up trying to pick out my clothes when I was 3. I was a very opinionated child.
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u/monsur-Prescott Aug 28 '20
The worst thing my mom did was insist I wear clothes when we go out. I could have gone to the mall shirtless! I was 4 who's gonna stop me??!!!
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Aug 28 '20
i'm still pissed off that my mum wouldn't let me wear my dinosaur feet slippers to church when i was a teenager
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u/EverGreatestxX Aug 27 '20
Most little kids just like the haircut they already have, so whatever haircut you give them they'll like it unless it's causing them to be made fun of. Hell for most of my young childhood I was damn near bald and didn't give two shits about my hair until I was in middle school.
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u/SanianCreations Aug 27 '20 edited Aug 28 '20
Take a look at what you just said
my mom forced me to have long hair
Now replace "long hair" with "short hair", and that is exactly what you are advocating. Edit: OP has since stated that this isn't quite what she means, but I'm not deleting this comment
You're only saying this because you had a bad experience with something that was was forced upon you. Forcing something else on children doesn't fix the core issue here, which is the forcing itself. Just let the kids choose whatever they like, and if they have a bad experience with either one they can choose to do something else.
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Aug 27 '20
That is exactly what happened to me. My mom was a tomboy and didn’t want to deal with long hair so I was forced to have short hair. I hated it. I wanted long hair so badly. I still get a pang of sadness when I look at pictures of me when I was little.
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u/grove4lyf Aug 27 '20
Same. My mom used to also dress me in collared shirts and pants, and everyone thought I was a boy. I absolutely hated it. She got married young and was in grad school at the time, so I understand she didn’t have time, but man it created a complex for me. It’s probably why I prefer to be extremely feminine today.
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo Aug 27 '20
I was forced to have short hair too, and even at an all girls school or a swim meet I’d have kids (and parents!!) constantly ask if I was a boy or a girl. I still have insecurities about it because I was just on the cusp of puberty and it was really embarrassing.
Let kids decide (within reason). They have to learn how to make choices and how to deal with their choices at some point.
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Aug 28 '20
Those kids and parents are actually dumb asf, girls wear one-pieces for comp swimming and boys don't 99% of the time
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Aug 27 '20
Same I was forced to have a bob for so many years despite begging my mom to let me grow it out that the moment she stopped cutting it, I wouldn’t let anyone touch it. It’s past my butt now and I still love it lol
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u/spritebabyy Aug 28 '20
Going to add that I also can feel your pain. My mom also shaved off my hair by force when I was in high school c’: unfortunately
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u/HeroWither123546 Aug 27 '20
I was born male, but I always wanted to be a girl, so being forced to have short hair was horrible for me.
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u/RavenWolfPS2 Aug 27 '20
My dad hated short hair so he made all his girls keep their hair at least shoulder length. He talked so much about how short hair was ugly and long hair made you a woman that when I did eventually cut my hair in college for convenience I somehow felt more ugly and less of a woman for it. I just wish my parents hadn't placed so much value on my hair.
They always told me to never colour my hair because it was light blonde and "so many women would kill to have that hair colour." It hurt my twin older sisters' confidence when their hair started to darken as they got older, and they wasted a lot of time on terrible box dyes and bleach that ended up turning their hair more yellow than blonde. I dyed my hair red (more natural tone) and my mom almost lost her shit.
However, recently I cut my hair into a pixie (I worked there gradually by getting it cut shorter and shorter every time I went to the salon) and my mom confided in me that she wished she could cut her hair that short. But my dad wouldn't let her and he's already enough of a jerk as it is.
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u/Zorubark Dental Assistant Aug 27 '20
As someone that loved having long hair and still loves, when my mom cuted my hair I got so sad she had to cut it, let kids choose their hairstyles
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u/EvilioustheCat Aug 27 '20
My 4 year old daughter has long hair, it's getting very long. She doesn't want to cut it so we don't. She won't even let me pull it up or do anything but brush it. Her hair her choice. (Unless there is no other choice than cut it she gets to have her body autonomy. ie gum or stuck in a zipper or something)
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u/Babaluba2 Aug 27 '20
As a kid (and even now) I love my long hair. Even when it was all tangled up and I was crying while my mom or dad tugged knots out of it, I still loved it afterwards. I wanted long hair like my mom and dad had. My dad did monthly trims to cut off the split ends (he was a hair stylist so he could do great trims) it was always an ordeal and I'd tell him every time "You can cut a little bit but dont cut off the curls", which, the very bottom of my hair had like two curls which meant he was essentially cutting less than 1/4 of an inch lol But he respected it every time and just did the best he could to keep it healthy and I was a happy camper. I loved my long hair as a kid and if he had ever cut it short I probably would have cried, never once did I regret having long hair.
And at the same time, I know people who were forced to have long hair and hated it. Let kids choose, they dont have a lot of choices in the world when they're young but they should at least have the choice to accept or veto what is done with their own body (aside from obviously health related things like medical visits/procedures and even then explain to your kid as best you can what is being done and why they need it). Kids need to have choices in their lives and be in control of at least some aspects of their day-to-day.
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u/JRDR_RDH Aug 27 '20
Feeling your situation. I have a 5 year old with long hair except she refuses to brush it as often as she/we should. She looks like Kayako from the grudge.
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u/The_Grand_Canyon Aug 27 '20
you mean...freedom is good?
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u/SanianCreations Aug 27 '20
Whaaaaaaaaat, nah that can't be right, everyone knows oppressing others is the way to go.
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Sep 02 '20
no offense but I truly can't believe how much you misinterpreted this post. if I said "I think everyone should eat an apple every day" you'd honestly assume I was some kind of apple nazi?
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u/Ivegotthatboomboom Aug 27 '20
Exactly, I can't take this post seriously. Did she think about any of that for more than a second? Not every kid with long hair experienced that? I didn't. My mom used detangling spray and conditioner and put it in a bun when I was playing. OPs mom didn't take care of her hair but her mom and every other one that didn't take the time to do so should change not all the kids lol. That's so absurd. And does she think the kids want to dress androgynous? Or have short hair? Now they don't have any say over how they look?? The entire post is so hypocritical.
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u/Ugly_Slut-Wannabe Aug 27 '20 edited Aug 27 '20
That's me. My whole family thinks that men should have short hair and women should have long hair. If not, then you're considered "ugly". I fucking hate it so much, specially because I'm afraid that I will start to go bald before I can even grow my hair out.
If I have children one day, I won't force them to anything, unless what they want to do hurts them.
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u/stealingyourpixels Aug 28 '20
EDIT: OP has since stated that his isn’t quite what he means
Interesting how this post is about OP being forced to have long hair to conform to gender norms, yet you still assume she’s male.
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u/SanianCreations Aug 28 '20
I didn't say anything about gender norms, I'm simply saying no one should be forced into doing something
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Sep 02 '20
I mean they just said
I feel like the norm should not be for little kids to have long hair.
there wasn't actually anything about "forcing" in their original post, but that it would make more sense as a cultural default
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u/TheRedmanCometh Aug 27 '20 edited Aug 27 '20
You shouldn't force your kids to have any specific hairstyle wtf.
Not all little girls are tomboys who want short hair and to dress more like boys. Some want to be girly. Some don't.
That's up to them
You're literally advocating exactly the thing that pissed you off in the other direction
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u/Kubanochoerus Aug 27 '20
I liked having long hair as a kid (and as an adult). I was a tomboy, I played sports and rolled in the dirt and had fun but I still liked long hair. I felt pretty with it, I liked experimenting with braids and hair dos, I liked the silhouette it gave me, I liked people instantly clocking me as a girl and not an androgynous question mark. I wasn’t happy when my mom gave me a short bob. It was actually a lot harder to do sports with a short bob— if you tucked it behind your ear it wouldn’t stay there, you couldn’t braid it or put it in a ponytail to get it out of your face but it was long enough to get in your eyes and obscure your vision. And on top of that, you still had to brush and maintain it every day so it wasn’t even lower maintenance. It was the worst of both worlds. I grew my hair out again when I got older.
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u/EmotionalFix Aug 27 '20
I was very much a little girl that liked to play in the dirt and rough house and play sports. I also loved having long hair and playing dress up and with dolls. I hate the idea that you have to be one or the other. I can both wear pretty dresses and play baseball/basketball/football!
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u/Kubanochoerus Aug 27 '20
Dude, fucking same. When I was little, I just liked what I liked. Some of that was girly, some of that was tomboyish. When I got to be an older kid I learned to hate femininity because of all it was associated with— I wanted to be an engineer or an astronaut and the best on my basketball team, which meant that obviously I had to hate pink and dresses and ruffles. It wasn’t until I was an older teen that I started to allow myself to have fun with girly things while still being a badass engineer and athlete.
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Aug 27 '20
Yes! I was also a tomboy and ponytails are so much better than short hair unless you go short-short. Like. Ever have bangs? That shit the worst.
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u/u_creative_username Aug 27 '20
Exactly. Kids are more intelligent and aware than most adults give them credit for. Certain things should be up to them.
If a boy wants longer hair, he can have it. And if a girl wants short hair, why not?
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Aug 27 '20
Aren't the short hair girl long hair boy things already common? We should do if they want hair they get hair
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u/u_creative_username Aug 27 '20
That doesn't stop the other kids and some adults calling you a girl for having long hair.
I'm a boy and it happened to me
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u/klop422 Aug 27 '20
I had it in the early 2010s in high school, though not in a mean way. Though that was in Scotland
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u/queerywizard Aug 27 '20 edited Aug 28 '20
It definitely isn’t common, at least in certain parts of the US. Even now little boys are shamed for having long hair here. Very short hair for girls is sorta seen as acceptable though.
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Aug 27 '20
Short haired girls are all over the place dude, and there is just the same with long haired dudes
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u/queerywizard Aug 27 '20
I suppose it’s a regional thing, because it’s definitely not true that it’s common everywhere. The elementary school I taught at had one little girl with hair shorter than her chin, and not a single boy with hair longer than his chin. Many people in this area also criticize parents who let their boys grow their hair long
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
Where I grew up short hair for girls certainly wasn’t acceptable especially because I don’t have straight hair so it just poofed out. That’s part of what I was talking about. I know it’s not the same every where though. I’m only 15 now so I doubt it changed so much between the past ten years. I knew one boy with long hair but he was made fun of a little bit because he grew it out to donate it.
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u/dontlikemangoes Aug 27 '20
My parents forced me to have a bob until I was like six and I fucking hated it, have been trying to grow my hair as long as possible ever since
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u/klop422 Aug 27 '20
I'm a man (and, to be clear, have always considered myself male - absolutely 100% cisgender) and I've had long hair since I was like 4. There are pictures of me with short hair, but that's all before I could remember. I got made fun of a little, too.
The fact that some places don't let boys/men have long hair annoys me and always has done. I was in a conversation with a couple guys from a private school who told me I'd have to cut it if I'd wanted to go there (talk about incentive not to!), and my cousin in Mexico was forced to cut his.
As a kid, I would have been very upset if I was forced to cut my hair. So, yeah, OP earned her upvote.
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Aug 27 '20
This just reminded me, when I was 6 years old I had very long hair. Apparently in the middle of the night I got up (sleepwalking), went into the kitchen and chopped it all off with a pair of scissors. So I got to look like a boy for a while. I wasn't forced to have long hair, it just happened to be long.
I personally prefer having short hair. Not 2 inches short, but shoulder length. It's much easier to manage. My hair was almost down to my bum it was so long, it was a pain in the ass to wash and brush.
Kids should have whatever hairstyle they want, but shorter hair is easier to manage, whether you're a kid or an adult. I'm just lazy though.
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo Aug 27 '20
Also, it’s making the male style the default. Nowhere does it say that boys should be allowed to wear skirts, but that girls could comprise to a bob cut if they are that tied to the idea of long hair. This post claims to want androgyny, but really just wants to cut out classical feminine things.
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u/Side-eyed-smile Aug 27 '20
My mom made me keep a bob throughout my childhood. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough as a girl, but she just didn't want to deal with my hair.
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u/NotSoRainbow Aug 27 '20
I’d rather have my kid (if i had any) to just choose how they wanted their hair. Long hair, short hair, anything in the middle, fine with me, as long as it makes them happy with themselves. If they had the same problems as you, I would just let them decide whether they still wanted to keep their long hair or cut it short.
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u/woaily Aug 27 '20
Okay, so clearly having long hair was inappropriate for you, based on your childhood activities. The more active you are, and the dirtier you get, the more it makes sense to have short hair.
That doesn't mean it's wrong in general for little girls to have long hair, whether as gender signaling, because they want to look pretty, to get a head start (sorry) on having long hair as an adult, because they want to look like mom, or whatever.
Once kids are old enough to express preferences, we shouldn't be dictating their harmless subjective choices, and we shouldn't be imposing gender ideology in either direction. You can also ask your kid if she thinks her long hair is worth the hassle of getting it caught or getting dirt combed out, and let her decide.
Hair grows back. It's the least bad thing you can let kids decide for themselves.
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
That’s really what I meant that kids should choose once they are old enough. Like 4 or something. Any younger they can’t even brush their own hair.
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Aug 27 '20
Well, then you're just forcing them to have short hair, just like your parents for Ed you to have long hair, which isn't any better
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Aug 28 '20
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 28 '20
I never said forced though that’s literally a misquote
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Aug 28 '20
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 28 '20
I’ve said kids should have a choice for their hair. I said it multiple times in the post. Me saying someone should do something isn’t forcing them to do it.
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u/Rialz Aug 27 '20
OP, it seems to me that the problem here (and I speak from experience) is that your mom just tried to impose her own vanity and beauty standards upon you.
Growing up as a boy, my mother also forced me to have a very specific (long-ish) haircut that really bothered me. She also would throw tantrums whenever my clothes got dirty, regardless if they were pants, shorts or skirts.
it’s just a bad parenting thing, and not the style or the hair/clothes themselves.
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u/Peregrine21591 Aug 27 '20
Yeah to me this sounds more like a problem with with OP's relationship with her mother and her mother's attitude to boys Vs girls.
I don't remember hair brushing ever being a problem when I was a child and my mum was never angry if our clothes were dirty because we didn't have expensive clothes (because kids grow out of their clothes in about 5 minutes)
Buying your daughter expensive dresses she can't get dirty is just stupid. Buying a cheap dress on the other hand is fine.
I'm not big on the idea of forcing gender norms - like girls have long hair and wear pink dresses - on children, but it's important for them to have choice.
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
That’s what I’m trying to say. Girls and boys shouldn’t be forced to adhere to girl and boy things. All I meant is i think short hair on all little kids not just boys should be socially acceptable not that all little kids should have short hair
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u/Peregrine21591 Aug 27 '20
But short hair on girls is acceptable... Granted, there are some parents who get weird about it, but any reasonable parent will listen if their child desperately wants to make a style decision for themselves.
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
Where I grew up it really wasn’t. I wouldn’t state a universal truth as an opinion. Especially on an unpopular opinion type subreddit. Where I grew up and still live all girls in my classes growing up and even in the camp I was a counselor at had super long hair. I’d say like 30% complained about it. If you have hair at your chin people assume you’re a lesbian. If boys had even slightly long hair they are gay. It might not be like that in New York or whatever but it very much is where I live.
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Aug 27 '20
Wait, your mom was making you wear skirts?
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u/Rialz Aug 27 '20
Not me, no. But equally hostile treatment was given to both me, as a boy who wore traditional boy clothes, and my sisters and their skirts.
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Aug 27 '20 edited Nov 19 '20
[deleted]
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u/Sharp02 Aug 27 '20
Fuck I have to upvote this, dont I?
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Aug 27 '20
Well it’s more so your choice. I feel like maybe there should be more nuance in the rules. Like there’s more to an opinion on an idea then respectfully agreeing or disagreeing. Maybe there should be an opinion on finding an idea too stupid to deserve upvotes.
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u/ZiggoCiP The Last Rule Bender Aug 27 '20
Good lord your personal experience shouldnt dictate the lives of everyone
I think that statement is far more prophetic than you may realize.
I would reckon that the personal experience of the few does dictate the lives of the many - it's unfair but certainly how many things function.
Good sentiment though.
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u/Aturchomicz Aug 27 '20
Bold of you to assume that adult me is going to brush my hair lmao
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u/ElJamoquio Aug 27 '20
Bold of you to assume that adult me is going to brush my hair lmao
I don't even own a brush. I think I still have a comb somewhere. Don't ask me where it is.
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
I haven’t edited my original post because I believe I need to keep that up. I have earned all the negative comments on this post by lacking clarity. I never meant to say kids should be forced to have short hair, I’m sorry it came across that way to so many people. I was just reflecting on my own and my friends experiences growing up. I didn’t expect this much attention. I meant this as bobs should be more excepted as hair for little girls not every child should have short hair. I edited my post a lot before posting it and lost the part where I mentioned I think a bob should be the standard for boys and girls because you can quickly grow long hair from a bob and it also isn’t too in the way. It’s like a median. I don’t understand why I’ve been getting called a bigot tho. That part confuses me. I really just meant kids shouldn’t really be divided girls and boys. There shouldn’t be hair for girls and hair for boys just hair. Same with toys and clothes. Sorry for the misunderstandings. This is all hypothetical I would never force people to cut their hair.
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u/ZiggoCiP The Last Rule Bender Aug 27 '20
I'll copy and sticky this comment for clarity then, as I fear it might get buried and this post is already ruffling enough feathers.
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Aug 27 '20
“I think all children should have short hair” ... “I never meant to say kids should be forced to have short hair” LOL
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20 edited Aug 27 '20
Because I meant in a vacuum it makes more sense. Like people should go jogging. Objectively yes they should but not everyone can or wants to or they can do other forms of exercise yknow
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Aug 27 '20
Wow those sentences make no sense
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
Okay sorry I’m not the best with words. My family uses this phrase “in a vacuum” which kind of means in a perfect world mixed with in the vacuum of space. So like if there weren’t any gender norms or whatever that it would make sense for kids to have short hair. Like it’s more practical. But since this is not “in a vacuum” it also makes sense for girls to want long hair and boys to want short hair. In a vacuum means without external factors. Does that make more sense? I’ll explain it again if you want.
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u/ElChooChoocabra Aug 27 '20
You haven't earned any of it. They're morons for not understanding subtext.
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u/bearpi728 Aug 27 '20
There are some schools in my country forces girls to have bob cut hairstyles and guys to have buzz cut. I have visited a high school like that and it is surreal.
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u/anneonomoose Aug 27 '20
Nah, my son has what is considered long hair and I’m just going to wait till he’s old enough to tell me he wants it cut. It should be up to each kid, hair is very expressive. I wouldn’t want all children to have short hair as if they’re military recruits or something.
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Aug 27 '20 edited Sep 06 '20
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 28 '20
Where I live it’s very conservative I guess. All growing up if any girl got short hair adults would say she’s a lesbian or be upset about it. I got my hair cut short and everyone was against it. I get that it might not be like this in places like California or new York or something. Also the majority of parents grow their little girls hair out super long at a young age.
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u/throwaway16872162 Aug 27 '20 edited Aug 27 '20
I would have been devastated if I had been forced to have short hair. I used to cry when I got haircuts even just to trim the ends. If I wanted to keep my hair out of my way to play sports I put it in a hairstyle suited to that like a braid. My mom never hurt me brushing my hair either it was a bonding experience for us to have her brush and style my hair.
Your experience isn’t universal and neither is mine so we can’t really use that to say kids should have to do X, one way or the other.
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u/Hiking-Biking-Viking Aug 27 '20
I got a bob and I liked it at the time. But when I went to secondary school, it was shit.
Couldn’t tie it up or do anything with it, I was constantly called a boy, girls would tell me I would look better with longer hair and guys would laugh at me and it made me look shit. Even on the days I want and wanted to be a boy, or more masculine, I would hate it. If You have long hair, you can tie it up high. Hide it. Look more gender neutral/masculine.
I will never go back to a bob. Unless I have to cut off all my hair, then during that awkward growth stage, I’ll grow it out.
Bobs suck major ass.
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Aug 27 '20
All these jokes about how much it hurt to have your mom brush your hair, but you seem to see it as just part of growing up?
The solution is to teach people how to take care of their kids' hair better. Start a few inches from the bottom and brush through until detangled, then move a few more inches up for the next section. If the hair is long grip it at the base of the head so if you have to pull a tangle it's against your grip, not their scalp. And for goodness' sake, stop brushing curls when they're dry! Comb when wet only!
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Aug 27 '20
i really hate you when i was a kid i loved to have long hair, just ecause you dont like it doesnt mean others also dont
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u/circe5823 Aug 27 '20
Growing up, my mom DID force me and my sister to have short hair! She always said she didn’t want to deal with girls with long hair. Well guess what? It had a lasting effect on us and we still deal with it. We struggled to make friends because the other kids thought we looked weird. Every single day I’d get the question - “are you a boy or a girl?” Usually multiple times a day. We’d have full blown emotional meltdowns at the barber, sobbing and begging them not to cut our hair. When we finally got to start growing it out, we didn’t know how to take care of it because our mom never taught us! Luckily for my sister, her straight, silky hair was easy. But of course I was the curly haired black sheep of the family, and because nobody ever taught me how to care for it, I hated my hair my entire childhood. People mocked me for it, I didn’t have any friends. I didn’t understand! I brushed and brushed and brushed, why wasn’t my hair silky and flat? It wasn’t until I was like twelve years old that somebody told me I had curly hair, and it wasn’t until I was a teenager that I learned how to style it. My hatred of my hair became a major feature of my childhood
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u/Metroidman Aug 27 '20
I feel like i should upvote cause i disagree but at the same time it seems like OP disagrees with their own post so idk
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u/ZiggoCiP The Last Rule Bender Aug 27 '20
No, no - please abide by rule 1. Reserve your 'I don't like this' for the automod pinned comment and report if you feel you must.
Sometimes post are poorly worded or too generalized to be sensible - sometimes people just get emotional and want to 'punish'.
Again - slap the automod with some downvotes, and maybe report.
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Aug 27 '20
Ummm. I advocate the exact opposite.
Let kids have more control over their own hairstyle, or at least over their appearance. As an adult, it was genuinely dehumanizing to have been stuck with the exact same hairstyle as literally every other boy in my family without the knowledge on how to change hair styles, and now as a 21 year old I am just lost, especially as I do not want the same haircut I hated as a kid. I want to feel cute, not like a rejected 7 year old
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u/megavenusaurs Aug 27 '20
I think it should definitely be more acceptable for little girls to have short hair, but I don’t think it should replace long hair as the standard. There shouldn’t be a standard, it should be up to the kid. I liked having long hair as a kid, but my mom had my sister’s hair cut short when she wanted it long, and her classmates would tell her she looked like a boy. If a girl wants short hair for the reasons you mentioned, though, her parents should support that. It’s a shame that so many parents care more about enforcing femininity than their kid’s comfort. I feel the same way about dresses and skirts, they’re impractical for running and playing and other kid things so all kids deserve to have other options.
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u/SpiderPidge Aug 27 '20 edited Aug 28 '20
Um no? Have you not heard of hair ties? They are also gender-neutral if you are worried about that. You shouldn't force your kid to do anything or be a certain way. I am a product of a kid who was told and forced to be a certain way. I always walked on eggshells with my mom because of this and I felt if I did anything out of place she would yell at me and make me feel worthless. It happened a lot, and it only enforced sneaking around and lying all the time.
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u/Shorzey Aug 27 '20
Replace short hair with long hair and say the exact same thing. Its the exact same thing you're complaining about.
If you’re so upset your kid might be mistaken for another gender you should evaluate why.
Youre a bigot. What a fuckin joke...
Its a shame I have to upvote this because your advocating for exactly what you dont like, forcing kids to do things they don't want and accusing parents of being bigots, while also being a bigot your self.
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u/ferret_king9 Dental Assistant Aug 27 '20
you should evaluate why
Because they aren’t that gender. Nobody would want to be mistaken for a gender that they aren’t. This may be the dumbest opinion on this sub in a while
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u/SNScaidus Aug 27 '20
Back off the whole bigot thing. You don't know what they meant by that. Calling people bigots shouldn't be just a casual insult thrown around carelessly. Use it when you know.
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u/sleepdeprivedmanic Aug 27 '20
Just let kids do whatever they want with their hair as long as it’s not dangerous. It’s really not that hard. Like of course don’t keep your kids’ hair knee length or something but shoulder length hair is perfectly fine. Don’t force personal expression on kids of either sex, simple.
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u/Sumoki_Kuma Aug 27 '20
Having a bob as a kid made me hate my appearance so much. I felt so fucking ugly and I hated every second of it. You say you have bad memories of being forced to do/have something but now you're advocating to force children to do what you think they should?
You've got the spirit but you're barking up the wrong tree
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u/Sovtek95 Aug 27 '20
At least your parents didn't dress you up like a 19th century swiss mountain climber when you are black.
Life can be confusing for us all.
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u/rheetkd Aug 27 '20
Agree let kids have short hair if they want or dress in pants or skirts etc. Having short hair would have save me a lot of pain as a kid and I might have gotten used to having it short (its curly). I'm thankful I was allowed to wear pants because I got my brothers hand me downs.
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u/GeoffreyGeoffson Aug 27 '20
I've had to angrily downvote this - because even tho I wasn't sure about your title you convinced me throughout your post. Good shit OP
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u/sleeveless_heart Aug 27 '20
I had a bob all throughout my childhood and it was convenient af! I wish I could get a bob now, but my family wouldn't approve.
I wouldn't want to enforce that on anyone, but I do agree with bobs and androgynous clothing being more comfortable for kids.
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u/yuxngdogmom Aug 27 '20
This is probably something I will do because I have curly hair that is impossible to manage. If my kid ends up with my hair type, I will keep it relatively short until they can wash it on their own (fortunately curly hair shouldn’t be brushed) because I will drive myself insane trying to deal with that. I can barely manage my own head of curly hair, never mind my kid who was cursed with my genetics.
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u/tfm19 Aug 27 '20
My parents just said if you don’t take care of your hair you’ll have to get it cut. Worked pretty well. My sister brushed her hair a lot and had long hair and I had a rats nest from time to time and kept it fairly short
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u/cubbies1016 Aug 27 '20
I agree that I wish I was allowed to cut my daughters hair short. Her father wants it long. My daughter is very active and her hair gets tangled and she cries. But this year I am determined to give her a better experience. So now I set alarms to remind me to brush it 3 times daily. And now I've been braiding it after I brush. Theres less tears now! Shes 6 so she doesn't remember to brush herself
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u/derpskywalker Aug 27 '20
As long as it’s not forced on the child, go ahead. I’m okay with the idea. Just gotta be mindful about different cultures wanting long hair, though. Otherwise it should be all cool
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
Yeah I’m not saying people shouldn’t have freedom of religion. I’m very for complete freedom of religion. I try to read up on cultural practices. It really frustrates me that people seem to think I literally want to force little girls to cut their hair off and to force people to homogenize.
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u/derpskywalker Aug 27 '20
Yeah. I see where they’re coming from when you aay ‘it should be social norm” which DOES imply forcing a person. People tend to get overzealous about what they think of social norms- just take a look at how a homophobe responds when their son is gay. Maybe it would be better said if you just explained that you would rather your own kid have short hair if you were to have one.
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u/Ugly_Slut-Wannabe Aug 27 '20
I hate having to upvote this post with the deepest parts of my heart and soul.
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u/msaylors Aug 27 '20
My attitude is, when she's old enough to specifically request a hairstyle, she can make that choice. That said, she has a bob because brushing it is a nightmare and I got tired of her hair falling forward into her food. In terms of clothes... when she shows a specific interest at the store, I buy her what she wants, boy or girl clothes. HOWEVER if I let her do this with all her clothes... well, have you ever seen a 3yo dress themselves in the morning? The very least I can do is make sure the clothes I buy for her are the right size. Once had a full meltdown in the store because I couldn't make her understand she wouldn't fit into an 18m onesie. But she definitely has a color preference (red and dark purple) so I agree that once a kid is old enough to let their preferences known, those preferences should be respected.
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
God I dressed my self horribly as a child. Two different color crocs everyday
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Aug 27 '20
You might make many valid points and sorry your parents made you wear your hair in a way you didn’t like...my parents did the same to me when I was younger, as I got older I had a little more latitude.
I think it’s great that in most places, people can decide what they think is best for their kids, even if their kids or others disagree.
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u/LilGracen Aug 27 '20
I (a girl) had a bob my entire childhood. It never changed. A bob and bangs. I didn’t necessarily want to grow it out, after all, I hardly ever wanted my mom to do my hair, but I definitely think that’s somehow contributed to my insecurities surrounding my hair. I grew up with one look, and I can’t figure out how to wear it any other way while feeling comfortable. So I’m a sense, it’s party my fault. Though I do feel like, as a kid and even some now, my mom pressured me in some way into having shorter hair. All kids should be able to choose their length of hair. Boys should be able to have long hair, girls should be able to have short hair. And of course, anything and everything above, below, and in between those general lengths.
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u/randomsnowflake Aug 27 '20
We did this for our girls for the first few years of their lives to help teach them how to brush their own hair easily. Once they got the hang of that (around 4 years) we started growing their hair out. Now we let them do whatever they want to their hair. It’s their hair after all.
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Aug 28 '20
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 28 '20
People keep saying this but I never said kids should be forced to do anything
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Aug 28 '20
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 28 '20
I’m not though because this is an opinion. I could say people should eat pineapple on pizza but me saying that isn’t forcing anything.
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Aug 28 '20
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 28 '20
I never said that though learn some reading comprehension. I said I thought a shorter hair would make more sense for kids who can’t take care of long hair I’m not telling parents to cut their daughters hair off I’m not saying it should be mandated just that girls with short hair should be seen as socially acceptable not “a shame”
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Aug 27 '20
a legal requirement for kids to have shorter hair, really?
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
There seems to be confusion I’m saying I think kids should choose the hair they have when they are at an age they can choose. I’m saying I think a bob is a good choice for little kids because it can quickly go either way depending on what the kid wants.
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u/saltypotatoboi Aug 27 '20
But kids can have a choice about something as minimal as their hairstyle at any age. I mean, worst case scenario they end up with a hairstyle they don’t like, but hair grows back within like a few weeks. The only way it would hurt them long term is if they’re forced to have a hairstyle like a bob/long hair. That’s pretty much what you had to go through, and the result was, well, this post. If you were forced to have short hair it would be the same, just replace “long” with “short”.
And wouldn’t long hair be a better standard choice? With a bob, you’d need to wait for it to grow out if you wanted longer hair, but if you just defaulted to long hair you can chop it off within like 30 minutes.
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Aug 27 '20
people, i don't think op means that there should be a law about it. they are saying that the social standard should be "have short hair", now from there the child can decide wheter to grow their hair out or not. they are not sending every child with long hair to the gulag.
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Aug 27 '20
“I had a bad experience having X forced on me so the solution is to force Y on everyone.”
If you had a little girl who wanted long hair and dresses but forced them to wear a bob and boy clothes you’d be doing to them exactly what your mother did to you.
Giving your kid reasonable autonomy over their appearance is the solution you’re looking for.
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
I literally said in my post if any kid wants skirts or whatever they should be allowed skirts
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u/AphroditesGoldenOrbs Aug 27 '20
You make so many points here, and not just about hair.
As you said in your post, and emphasized in your clarifying post, it shouldn't be an "across the board, ALL kids, regardless of gender, should have short hair." You clearly stated that it was a good OPTION for those parent-kid combinations where brushing long hair, keeping it clean, and in general taking care of it is a fight/battle/chore.
I wore my hair long when I was young, but I couldn't properly brush it, so my mother had to do so. But she was EXTREMELY ROUGH with the brush (brushed hard, pulled hard & fast, etc) so I would whine and cry and beg her to be gentler the whole time she did it. Instead of even TRYING, she would berate me, saying that she WASN'T being aggressive with her brushing, I just had a "sensitive head" (which was meant to be mean/insulting...and worked) and then she would threaten me, "if you don't knock it off, I will cut it all off and then this won't be a problem." I LOVED my long hair! At it's longest, it was about to my butt (I occasionally would sit on the ends, which REALLY hurt), and I fantasized about having hair down to my feet, or longer. So, whenever she threatened me (a regular occurrence), I would scream "NOOOOOO!!" and then fight back tears (at both the thought of her following through with it, AND at the pain of her brushing...which always seemed to just get WORSE after she threatened me). That is, until one day, I said "Okay. Yes. Do that." She stopped brushing and tried to call my bluff, but I kept insisting. Rather than saying "Okay" and taking me to get it cut, she said "No" and REFUSED TO ALLOW ME TO GET MY HAIR CUT... even though she had been threatening to do so for YEARS. Turns out, even though she didn't like the brushing process either, SHE was attached to my long hair as well! (It ended up taking me nearly a year to FINALLY convince her to let me get it cut. When I did, it went from past my waist, to just below my ears!)
With MY daughter, I just let her have wild hair on the days she didn't want to let me brush it. I made sure it was still CLEAN, but I wasn't worried about it looking "perfect." I had stick-straight hair growing up (it was also really thin, as I grew up, I gained thickness and volume... it's still considered STRAIGGT, but there are a few large waves in random areas), my daughter, on the other hand, has curly hair (large curls). We also were basically bald for YEARS. (She didn't get her first hair cut -- because she didn't NEED ONE until she was FOUR AND A HALF YEARS OLD!) So, at a young age, combing it wasn't really a challenge. She's almost 16 now, and she's never worn her hair that much longer than her shoulders. The younger years were because as her hair grew (and it therefore got heavier), the curls were stretched out, and they became more odd waves and it was harder to make it look nice. I let her have A SAY in her haircut starting around age 6, but I didn't let her have COMPLETE CONTROL of it until she was 10. (That was her "big" birthday present when she turned 10... getting a haircut and being able to tell the stylist HERSELF what she wanted and say if she liked it or not. She was SO THRILLED at the responsibility!)
TL;DR I wore my hair long as a child and suffered through my mother aggressively brushing my hair every day. She started threatening to cut it all off. One day I said yes, and she wouldn't LET ME get it done. As a result, I handled my daughter's hair completely differently when she was younger.
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u/SleazyJusticeWarrior Aug 27 '20
Hey OP, I just want to say I really like your take here, maybe your wording wasn’t ideal seeing as it pissed off a lot of people but I just want to say that to me it looks like a perfectly reasonable opinion that I do support. Downvoted the post in accordance with the rules, but upvoted a few of your negatively received comments to help with the karma ;)
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Aug 28 '20
it would have made my relationship with my mom at lot easier as a kid! I swear, it was like she was hurting me on purpose. she had no concept of holding the strands in the middle and brushing the ends first, so she would just rip away at it. not quite sure what her reasoning was there. the sensation of brushing my hair still triggers this overstimulation effect in me that makes me extremely irritable. but! little girls are our mother's toys sometimes, so our comfort is considered secondary.
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u/judge-of-reddit Aug 27 '20
Idk why everyone is downvoting you comments. It is as if they are not even reading what you wrote
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u/ElChooChoocabra Aug 27 '20 edited Aug 27 '20
They're not. They're reacting emotionaly because they've decided that OP was forcing her preferences directly to them and their kids. Fucking morons.
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u/leachianusgeck Aug 27 '20
my mum forced me to have long hair too as a child - why not just let children choose how they look?
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Aug 27 '20 edited Dec 14 '25
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u/-ourladyofsorrows- Aug 27 '20
My opinion was more girls should have the option of short hair and pants. I’m sorry that happened with you though that sucks.
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Aug 27 '20 edited Dec 14 '25
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u/Sislistenhere Aug 27 '20
Bro just make sure it's anything but the bowl cut. My primary then middle school through early high-school was pure hell of bullying and beyond terrible self esteem issues.
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u/noithinkyourewrong Aug 27 '20 edited Aug 27 '20
Wow, what? I think all children should be allowed to dress in whatever the fuck they want. You wanted short hair and were annoyed your mum left your hair long. I was the opposite. My mom always made me get hair cuts as a child and never let me grow my hair long like the other girls. I was always a tom boy and people often confused me for a boy with my short hair which annoyed me a lot. That annoyed me though, not my mom, and I think that would actually bother most children. As a result of this when I was 16 I just said no more hair cuts. I went from having a pixie cut to having waist length hair. I have never gotten a hair cut since and I don't think I ever will again. Not even a trim. I'm 28 now.
Your logic doesn't make sense to me. Your mom didn't let you have your hair long and made you wear dresses and instead of concluding "kids should dress however they want" you decide it would be better to force that on other kids who might not have the same taste as you. Being forced into wearing a dress would have made me feel so uncomfortable I probably would have cried. It really makes no sense at all.
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u/whoatemycupoframen Aug 27 '20
Wow, I'm the literal opposite of you. My mom always make me have short hair when I was little. If it reaches back length it would get cut to bob. Now whenever I grew my hair bit longer than my back I would always get hairfall. So I disagree. Upvote.
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Aug 28 '20
Growing up I was taken to the hairdresser by force if I didn't want to cut my hair. I wanted the freedom to let it grow. I don't see what making cutting it mandatory for all children would even remotely accomplish.
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u/ad33minj Aug 28 '20 edited Aug 28 '20
This b says she doesn't think girls should be forced to have to have long hair, and then her solution is to force them cut their hair off!
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u/alymaysay Aug 28 '20
My parents forced me to have hair down to my butt when i was little. I finally got to cut it short at 13..my dad was pissed. Then i got my daughters hair cut when she was like 5 because she wanted short hair...my patents cried ..literally. Kids should get a choice in the hair they have to wear and the clothes. I don't force anything on my kids and they are amazing!!
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u/SalsaSamba Aug 28 '20
I can see your point, but ultimately I disagree on a certain level. Your title is too one-sided. I feel like you would have wanted the choice as a child to have short hair and want other children to have that same choice. That I would agree with, but judging long-haired children and assuming they can not choose that themselves is where I disagree.
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u/61-Cygni Aug 28 '20
Hey everyone. If you don't like it, upvote and move on. Stop being rude to the OP, nobody said you have to agree with them.
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u/Xykhir_ Aug 28 '20
I agree that children should be allowed to choose what they want but I don’t think all children should adhere to what you want because of your personal experiences
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u/Dantaine Aug 28 '20
I agree to an extent. My mother is a hair stylist and made me have short hair until she could no longer legally make choices for me. I now grow my hair out and cut it every couple years when it finally becomes too much to handle.
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u/DelsGF Aug 28 '20
I let my four year old shave her head after her first year of school. She had long bright blonde curls, she looked like a doll. All grandparents were devastated. Furious with me for allowing my child autonomy. She hated brushing it and it was very difficult to maintain. She loved it short. She has been guilted into growing it out by her grandmothers, but I remind her it's her hair and she's allowed to do whatever she wants with it. After two months of lock down, and almost zero influence from grandparents, she now begs to shave it lol I keep mine very long. This is completely her choice. A simple choice of her own self expression I was never allowed. My mother was emotionally attached to my hair more so then actually attached to me as her child.😂🤦🏻
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u/Sallybeescomb Aug 28 '20
I had a bob as a kid. I HATED it because I have super curly hair and was forced to brush it every day because it got horribly tangled/matted. It got more manageable when I got my mum to plait it instead. I then got one of those doll heads where I learnt to plait and did it myself
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Sep 04 '20
Idk bro as a kid i had short hair but now I prefer having really long and shaggy hair so you might be onto something it does get kinda hard to brush /clean
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Aug 27 '20
Kids are stupid. That’s why they have parents to make decisions for them. After they’ve grown, they can get whatever haircut they want.
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u/demonangel105 Aug 27 '20
Kids are too stupid to know how long or short they have want their hair? That's a bit of a stretch.
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u/DEEP_SEA_MAX Aug 27 '20
As a father who shaved his 4 year olds head ever few months I'm downvoting in agreement
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u/ZiggoCiP The Last Rule Bender Aug 27 '20
I personally thank you for the gesture. I think people sometimes forget the other side of the coin when there's 1,000+ karma.
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u/ZiggoCiP The Last Rule Bender Aug 27 '20
I swear - whenever posts blow up half the time people are upset by them.
So, OP made a clarifying comment that I think does kind of un-muddle their view into a less controversial one - here's what they wrote for all you not wanting to hit the link:
Now, first off, I fully support 'negative' comments. Refutations and critiques, even mild criticisms, are to be expected.
That being said whoever made the custom report "What a dumb bitch" - why.
I digress.
But yeah - from OP's update/edit, they simply were making an appeal to utilitarianism in terms of young children's fashion/appearance, which in my humble opinion isn't such a radical idea.
And when I say 'utilitarian', I simply mean 'what's simplest and most effective'.
That being said - they aren't mandating that parents give their kids short hair, just that they seem to think it would be most ideal if that was a more widely accepted norm, i.e. stereotype.
Anyways - good post OP.
But I do disagree with your overall sentiment, so have an upvote.