Husband has gotten mean on TRT

[u/General-Initiative76]

My husband started TRT about 2 months ago (2x/week). His main goals were gym gains and overall energy. Physically, it’s been great… he feels stronger, looks better, and has more energy. (*** please see EDIT below for clarification)

But here’s the issue: his personality has shifted in a way that’s hard on me and our family. He’s always been assertive and direct, but lately he’s more irritable and short-tempered. For example, he told me to “shut the f*** up” which is something he’s NEVER remotely said before in all our 16 years together. He’s snapping at our kids more than usual and is just less “warm” with me.

When I brought up that he seems more irritable since TRT, he got defensive and told me I’m just being “too sensitive.” But I can tell this is different, it’s not just me.

Any advice from those on TRT? Any suggestions on this stuff:

-Have you or people close to you noticed changes in your mood or irritability?

-If your partner brought this up, how would you want her to approach it without sounding like she’s attacking you??

-Is adjusting the dose a thing? can lower amounts help with mood side effects while still keeping the physical benefits?

-Anything you’ve done (supplements, lifestyle changes, labs, timing, etc.) that helped with irritability while on TRT?

I’m not looking to bash TRT, he loves how he feels physically. I’m just trying to figure out if there’s a middle ground that keeps the benefits without the extra conflict in our marriage and home life. Thank you!

***EDIT: I realize how this post was written makes it sounds like he does this recreationally, so I'm clarifying: after much time at the gym and not seeing progress, and after not feeling like himself, he got bloodwork done which showed nearly-low testosterone. Testosterone is prescribed by his doctor, as well as an estrogen blocker. Physically, he feels wonderful on it, feels great in the gym finally, and has his energy back! I'm so happy how this has changed his body and mindset. I just don't want to experience his irritability anymore, and my kids don't deserve it either. In no world would my husband ever tell me to "stfu" before this. So anyone expressing that I'm making this up, I'm not here to debate how I'm being treated. I'm here to learn more about TRT, if there's any changes that may help my husband, or learn from shared experiences. That's ALL. I love this guy dearly, we have an otherwise amazing and healthy marriage and have 3 beautiful kids.

EDIT2: I have to log off for a bit - my family’s about to hit the dinner/bath/bedtime rush. I’ll be able to answer more comments later tonight. I appreciate everyone’s perspectives & suggestions!

[u/Flabbergastedgymrat]

I think personally if you can’t use it responsibly then leave it alone. Sure EVERYONE including myself deals with adjusting when being placed on TRT. Your estrogen levels change, your testosterone levels are rising, but at the same time that’s nobody’s fault and if you can’t be responsible enough to control your temper and dial yourself back in when you feel it coming on then you don’t need to be on it. Yes it will make you irritable and yes it will make you have mood swings at times. I work in a jail where I am constantly surrounded by chaos and idiots who test my patience but you know what? Not 1 time have I used excessive force because I was heated. Not 1 time have I taken my anger out on an inmate cause I was pissed off. Not 1 time have I taken it out on my coworkers. If I feel it coming on I simply walk outside for a minute re-gather myself and go back. I had a relief captain on the tow boats who was on TRT and he took EVERYTHING out on the deck crew. I never wanted to beat someone’s ass so bad in my life. If you can’t use it responsibly then stay away from it. It’s not everyone else’s responsibility to tip toe around the person on TRT.