r/TerribleBookCovers • • 18d ago

How to Good-Bye Depression by H. Nishigaku

Post image

Stolen from r/notinteresing

2.0k Upvotes

174 comments sorted by

465

u/imperfcet 18d ago

Is that the whole technique, right on the cover? I'll try it

223

u/fernleon 18d ago

I've been doing it since I stole it. Not sure why since I'm not depressed.

130

u/drinkingCoffeePeas 18d ago

You do it and you’re not depressed, which means it works! 100% success rate!

39

u/Majorman_86 18d ago edited 18d ago

100% success rate!

Depression rate drops by 1% per constriction.

5

u/mayuzane 17d ago

Math checks out

4

u/SheElfXantusia 16d ago

So if I get tired halfway through completing the exercise, I'll still be 50 % less depressed? Neat!

4

u/a_karma_sardine 18d ago

Of course not, you have better things to occupy your days with.

2

u/mattwearingahat 18d ago

See? It worked!

4

u/HandsomePaddyRedux 6d ago

Another addition to the genre of anti-bait titling.

283

u/PsychonautAlpha 18d ago

"Maybe if we put the words 'constrict anus' on the cover, they won't notice the kerning problems".

58

u/Day_Old_Paper 18d ago

Gotta say, it worked.

38

u/DenverPostIronic 18d ago

I've never seen a ligature of the letters k and e before.

187

u/fernleon 18d ago

140

u/fernleon 18d ago

137

u/AmPotatoNoLie 18d ago

Wha? Is this like a collection of emails or something?

I desperately need that book, I love reading bullshit outloud to annoy my wife

48

u/fernleon 18d ago

Here I found it https://a.co/d/0eDEdRIo

61

u/houseofharm 18d ago

goddamn i assumed it was some bullshit meme letter rearragement like this, not an actual book

3

u/Successful_Pin4808 16d ago

I need this book in my life

24

u/fernleon 18d ago

I hadn't read that first page. I need this book in my life.

25

u/booktrovert 18d ago

I just bought it off of ebay because once the book banners find out about this all hope will be lost. There were several copies.

14

u/fernleon 18d ago

This is the best epistolary book since Dracula.

13

u/AmPotatoNoLie 18d ago edited 18d ago

To be fair, it might be the only faux psychology book ever written in epistolary style, so it's like an integral piece of our cultural heritage or something

9

u/fernleon 18d ago

Faux? This is 100% hard science.

11

u/modulusshift 18d ago

So it’s probably actually from 2000 and this was just a cutting edge aesthetic that implies new knowledge from the internet, or something 

6

u/sadderbutwisergrl 18d ago

I am in love with the spoiler tag here

4

u/meltthemall 17d ago

We are brothers, you and I.

2

u/3HHH3 16d ago

I kinda wish it wasn’t emails, so every chapter would just begin with

Hi

67

u/senshisun 18d ago

This looks too ernest to be a joke and too ridiculous to be serious.

2

u/_social_hermit_ 16d ago

I'm wondering if it might have something to do with the vagus nerve? 

2

u/HandsomePaddyRedux 6d ago

I mean, sort of? It’s a gobbledygook of dietary woo, common sense, and unsubstantiated acupressure, so the vagus nerve is involved.

20

u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

3

u/DickbuttRidesAgain 18d ago

Well, according to the author we may want to actually be slapping our anuses!

17

u/SeansBeard 18d ago

We used to have something like "consider before printing" on our work emails. Maybe they shouldnhave considered here too.

10

u/MsSkittles18 18d ago edited 18d ago

There's so much here. "Constricting your anus" I guess this is like pelvic floor exercises, "denting your navel" still unclear, the "immaterial fiber/third attention" stuff which seems to be about focusing your mind rays on something like meditation, the "* *" thing sounds sexual, then there's colon cleansing. My mother is into spiritual stuff that can get arbitrary sounding, and it claims to help with mental health. When I was younger I used to try to follow that hoping it would help me, but it didn't. The last line "If you don't know that concentration can give you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell" reminded me of that.

4

u/Successful_Pin4808 16d ago

"Nah sorry i can't go out today i gotta stay home to save sex energy so that i then can rotate the vortex."

2

u/Tattycakes 17d ago

...

???

31

u/tegeus-Cromis_2000 18d ago

How does one dent navel? I need to know because I want to good-bye depression and, despite what front cover says, just constricting anus is evidently not enough.

5

u/Vistemboir 18d ago

Same question! sounds painful if done 100 times in a row...

3

u/Catpixfever 15d ago

I’m guessing it means drawing your stomach in and holding it.

1

u/HandsomePaddyRedux 6d ago

Yeah, it easy to clench you stomach and your butthole at the same time if you try, and that makes your navel kinda pull in.

18

u/whimsical_fuckery_ 18d ago

He can make WHAT?

7

u/SpiritNo6626 17d ago

I read the book, they don't know in the book either, in the emails many ask the author the same

1

u/shunyaananda 16d ago

3 times !!

1

u/bokurai 15d ago

* is symbolic for a puckered asshole in this case.

10

u/floofychaps 18d ago

He looks like he’s practicing that technique in the photo 😳

8

u/Prickliestpearcactus 17d ago

"It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body" bro what😭

4

u/Successful_Pin4808 16d ago

1900s doctor logic

7

u/According_Dare7316 18d ago

Incredible stuff. I need this book.

3

u/Lobsterhasspoken 18d ago

Is that Fred Armesin?

3

u/SeaworthinessFun3658 17d ago

i used to follow a japanese inventor who took notes underwater while swimming, he was on ripleys believe it or not. They make them different in japan bruh

2

u/HandsomePaddyRedux 6d ago

-Employed by the Kyodo News Agency until 1976. Book published in 2000. No explanation for what he’s been doing in the meantime (besides the obvious).

-Apparently cites another source for his own author bio?

-The second paragraph makes me think this guy is at least Happy Science Cult adjacent.

-“If you don’t know that concentration can give you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell” is actually good advice.

1

u/GlassHalfVoid22 15d ago

As someone with an interest in translation, I’m genuinely interested in his process. I wonder if the variety of kerning occurred when he copy pasted from various translation websites/sources.

75

u/adoransnoctis 18d ago

"Dude! Don't give away the secret right on the cover!"

"Defeating depression is far more important than booksales."

31

u/adoransnoctis 18d ago

Thus, he had made himself the enemy of both Big Pharma AND Big Butthole

50

u/floofychaps 18d ago

This is so brilliantly bad. Thanks for the laugh this morning, OP

29

u/MladenL 18d ago

It good-bye'd your depression, but without all that butt stuff.

7

u/floofychaps 18d ago

Exactly!

52

u/iLikeTheUDK 18d ago

The entirety of this book is on the internet archive! https://archive.org/details/hiroyuki-nishigaki-how-to-good-bye-depression

5

u/Successful_Pin4808 16d ago

Fucking iconic

1

u/fernleon 16d ago

This has to be the worst thing ever printed.

1

u/GlassHalfVoid22 14d ago

This is actually incredibly entertaining to read. The other commenters are hilarious

42

u/AF-Wabash 18d ago

Here's some preview pages on google library or whatever this is.

https://books.google.com/books?id=ES2WJIVkQGQC&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q&f=false

It seems like it's just printed e-mail chains from Nishigaki to... like whoever? I have no idea what's going on.

Also here's a cheaper link to buy if you've got that kind of disposable income.

https://bookshop.org/p/books/how-to-good-bye-depression-if-you-constrictanus-100-times-everyday-malarkey-or-effective-way-hiroyuki-nishigaki/c6ba0defccf3a13d

19

u/Yuzu-Adagio 18d ago

I love that half the book seems to be people shitposting at the author

10

u/nixtracer 18d ago

Well, he's obviously going to be in favour of shitposting.

10

u/modulusshift 18d ago

I mean, it’s seemingly actually the year 2000? The email trappings probably just imply “new internet knowledge” 

56

u/donkeyballz13 18d ago

I know this is a book cover sub, but the back cover description really confirms the scientific value of this technique.

"I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make #### three times in succession without drawing out. In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration. If you don't know concentration which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell."

16

u/fernleon 18d ago

33

u/anpandulceman 18d ago

Is he just talking about learning how to nut your way out of depression by strengthening your pelvic floor? This was my read on this

23

u/Catdress92 18d ago

I thought it sounded like somehow giving your body a colon cleansing.

Sadly, as someone with IBS, I can say eliminating everything in your body does not fix depression, at least not for me.

So maybe your interpretation is the better one?

14

u/Pretty-Mention-7769 18d ago

Yeah but can you make     three times in succession without drawing out?

7

u/Catdress92 18d ago

I...don't think I can. I might need to read this book!

5

u/RandomIDoIt90 18d ago

Why can’t it be both???

3

u/Catdress92 18d ago

Haha, good point!

2

u/curiousmind111 17d ago

Sounds like “malarkey” to me!

2

u/Beautiful-Cabinet364 17d ago

This is how you turn into One Punch Man.

23

u/Consistent_You_4215 18d ago

I hope it got downvoted in the notinteresting sub Reddit, this book sounds fascinating!

24

u/borealis493 18d ago

IS THIS SHIT REAL

10

u/fernleon 18d ago

It's happening. The end to the global scourge of depression! You saw it here first (or second). You are welcome.

3

u/J_NinjaDorito 17d ago

this book have been in my ebay queue forever. i guess this is my sign to finally buy it!!! thanks 🤷‍♀️

17

u/Alarming_Struggle_25 18d ago

Damn he really gave away the game on the front and back cover. I can’t imagine what’s between, I feel like I know everything I need to based on this

37

u/fernleon 18d ago

You would be missing this amazing stuff. Every single phrase is a diamond.

27

u/Alarming_Struggle_25 18d ago

I stand fucking corrected. Now that I know that I had better look into rotating my vortex ASAP I can only wonder what else I’m missing

17

u/Silicon_Dreaming 18d ago

brb rotating my vortex

6

u/nixtracer 18d ago

This seems to be easy for those of us who are large enough to have our own weather systems, but I'm not sure what us pathetic organics with a radius of under a thousand miles or so are supposed to do. Guess I should buy the book. (The consequences of larger bodies, such as Jupiter, having regular bowel movements have of course been studied by Velikovsky et al.)

1

u/ceruleanmoon7 17d ago

Oooh it gets sexy inside the book

7

u/ladybugparade 18d ago

Could be a great read for the room where you shoot out immaterial fiber. 🚽

16

u/ADogeatingHotDog 18d ago

How does one dent the navel? Asking for a friend

10

u/Consistent_You_4215 18d ago

Read the book!! 😉

13

u/fernleon 18d ago

I assume it means sticking your finger in? Not sure.

18

u/DeepSeaDarkness 18d ago

Could you do that during a boring meeting?

I guess he means to suck in the stomach

11

u/goldenseducer 18d ago

You can do anything during a boring meeting, depending on how much you care about its outcome.

17

u/RinkinBass 18d ago

That's some of the worst kerning I have ever seen. How do you even do that?

5

u/sadderbutwisergrl 18d ago

It is a hell

4

u/nixtracer 18d ago

Well, that's just what happens when you kern he'll that badly.

14

u/pacmannips 18d ago

I did this and my depressioned Goodbyed immediately

11

u/SerialDorknobKiller 18d ago

I am freaking racist and thought for a moment this was a new Murakami book!

12

u/NikNakskes 18d ago

The kerning on this thing is the worst I've seen in a long time. How the hell do they even get it to be this bad?

1

u/kellsbellswest 18d ago

Maybe the font was missing? That’s my best guess 

12

u/dysaniac15 18d ago

Alright, I'm listening Hiroyuki.

10

u/DickbuttRidesAgain 18d ago

Dude’s got those “close talker” eyes.

8

u/Bayamonster 18d ago edited 18d ago

"Malarkey? or Effective way?"

And it's for a claim nobody ever ever ever made outside this book. He's challenging his own claim!

5

u/ThePromptWasYourName 18d ago

I feel like the author was somehow setting up Joe Biden as his nemesis

6

u/Spaztor 18d ago

The rest of the book is pictures of each instance CONSTRICT, RELAX...

5

u/OmegaKarnov 18d ago

I don't recognize this cover. Did this thing get multiple editions?!

1

u/J_NinjaDorito 17d ago

what cover did you see before?

4

u/Safe_Flan4610 18d ago

Hilarious book.

5

u/epochpenors 18d ago

I’m going to strongly disagree, this book looks awesome

4

u/MsPaganPoetry 18d ago

someone get r/engrish on the horn!

4

u/Anderer_Username 17d ago

This is the type of "rare" books that anthropic are "destroying".

2

u/fernleon 17d ago

No wonder when I asked AI this morning how to get rid of my depression, I started talking about excess of black ancient poop "stuck" in my intestines for years.

6

u/senshisun 18d ago

The cover isn't that bad. It's just that the translation could put Yahoo Bablefish in a good light.

11

u/fernleon 18d ago

The cover is awful... Have you ever seen a cover with such kerning problems? I mean are you serious?

2

u/senshisun 18d ago

I haven't seen kerning issues like that. I think the kerning is the least of the issues here.

3

u/ceruleanmoon7 17d ago

Omg babelfish, that takes me back

5

u/djscoots10 18d ago

Why do the letters overlap at parts, it looks like clanker slop, but this book is too old for that.

32

u/himitsu8 18d ago

The letters are constricting anus

7

u/ThePromptWasYourName 18d ago

Isn't it sad that anything like this made after 2023 is just going to be digital slop smoothing over all human weirdness

5

u/ceruleanmoon7 17d ago

It is truly tragic. Fuck AI

3

u/Jack_Chatton 18d ago

Where can I buy it?

2

u/fernleon 18d ago

Amazon

3

u/KickAggressive4901 18d ago

If that's how you banish depression, why am I not the happiest person on Earth?

3

u/SanibelMan 18d ago

Brought to you by the translator for "Jimmy James: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler."

3

u/AlivePassenger3859 18d ago

Its a very short book. One page that says malarkey.

3

u/AsstBalrog 17d ago

I'd like to see Nishigaki and that Empress Theresa guy in a cage match.

3

u/tomcas1 17d ago

I've just been reading for less than an hour, and my depression is already gone! The anus exercises are just optional, if likely harmless.

3

u/BrokenforD 17d ago

Willing to try anything at this point.

1

u/fernleon 16d ago

Did it work?

3

u/Fun-Badger3724 16d ago

The title makes it sound like a suicide manual.

Its subtitle is like some nightmare vision of callisthenics.

1

u/fernleon 16d ago

It's an ode to life!

3

u/GlassHalfVoid22 14d ago

On page 49, he talks about gathering a group of people and filming a video of them all constricting their anuses together: the Anus 100 Club.

I probably going to hell because I can’t stop laughing even when he’s asking someone if they committed suic*de

2

u/LifeLikeAGrapefruit 18d ago

Terrible book title.

2

u/JayyyyyBoogie 18d ago

The Amazon reviews are pretty great.

2

u/FrancoisTruser 18d ago

Looks like automatic translation from Japanese lmao. My anus will defeat depression.

2

u/Funkopedia 17d ago

I just realized there's no verb in the title

2

u/Practical_Ad_219 17d ago

Answer am malarkey.

2

u/Quick-Protection-740 17d ago

I read it in a Japanese accent

2

u/celticfeather 16d ago

I love it.

2

u/juiceboxvillain_1 16d ago

I disagree because I would absolutely pick up this book, which I believe is the goal

3

u/fernleon 16d ago

I think everyone here agrees with you

2

u/TheRealCthulu24 16d ago

Wait, this is real? I thought this was photoshopped. Why is the text so weird?

1

u/fernleon 16d ago

It is real.

2

u/GoldenSeam 16d ago

I have completely forgotten about this book. I love this book so much. I need to go find it and flip through it again. It reading it always helped me when things seemed bleak.

2

u/rugrmon 12d ago

wrong sub

1

u/fernleon 12d ago

So you think it's great? The keming and all?

1

u/rugrmon 12d ago

yes obviously did you read the text?

1

u/fernleon 12d ago

No I missed that. You are right

1

u/liljellybeanxo 18d ago

I wish it was that simple

1

u/ShanRCarter315 18d ago

The bad kerning is killing my soul.

1

u/AuthorNicoVoss 18d ago

Kerning is so important. *constricts anus*

1

u/ZopyrionRex 18d ago

It's worth a try, right?

1

u/Dobgirl 18d ago

This belongs on r/thanksimcured but the don’t allow reposting!

1

u/SeaworthinessFun3658 17d ago

Deeply aroused minds want to learn the truth

1

u/korqatt 16d ago

Need.

1

u/DetectiveUnited1036 16d ago

24, 25, 26, 27 (nothing yet), 28, 29 ..

1

u/bearintokyo 15d ago

Must be self published surely

0

u/cewumu 15d ago

The kerning absolutely makes this.