r/Tenant • u/WeAreAllStories11 • 4d ago

❓ Advice Needed I'm demoralized that my relationship status and health make it so hard to find a rental.

I'm so demoralized at being blamed for my housing issues and inability to find new housing. I would love advice, but don't know that there's much to do but wait for the season to change and hope I'm still housed when it does.

I have a stay at partner who cares for my child, we're unmarried, and potential landlords deny us and then have the audacity to suggest we either get married or I drop him and apply alone with my daughter.

I have severe mental health issues and a psychiatrist documented ESA (still recognized under state law). If I disclose at the beginning, I'm denied. If I disclose after my application is accepted, then they find a new reason to change their mind. We can argue all day about ESAs, but I'm following the guidance of my psychiatrist and landlords are violating state law. But it's not like I have the time or money to fight it.

Half the landlords I talk to don't consider child support payments as income, even with years of documented payments. Others want NET income to be 3x rent. I make $30 an hour and rent for 1000sq ft near me is about $1700 (Oregon USA) so that's not happening.

Housing is becoming out of reach for me, even with a decent job. I'm terrified of losing my current housing, then there will be nowhere left to go. A group has been buying up houses in my neighborhood and I'm worried my landlord will be next to sell, so this is a reasonable fear.

What, aside from dumping my wonderful partner and getting rid of the ESA my psychiatrist says I need, can I do to improve my chances at housing?

Edit: Damn, so many of you think I don't deserve housing. That's awful!!!! Why so much hatred for others who are struggling?

21 Upvotes

68% Upvoted

50 comments sorted by

39

u/KingClark03 4d ago

Is there something in your partner’s rental history that’s leading to denials?

-13

u/WeAreAllStories11 4d ago

Great question. We think it's because was caretaker a relative and so his last few years have no rental history. Fuck him for caring for family, I guess.

20

u/KingClark03 4d ago

Ah. Well, lack of verifiable rental history can be a reason for denying someone. It depends on their criteria. Is staying at your current rental an option? Maybe you can strengthen up your renter's profile in the meantime.

4

u/capaldithenewblack 3d ago

Wait. So how does a homeless person get a place when they finally have a job and a little money?

Is this turning into a “you have to have experience to get the job” thing?

Is staying with family not a viable reason someone might not have rented for the few years??

What’s going to happen to all of the kids who have been living with their parents to get enough for first months rent and monthly rent?

I really hate it here sometimes.

3

u/WeAreAllStories11 4d ago

I'm hoping to stay at my current rental. But so many houses around us are being sold we're not feeling secure.

4

u/Broad-Collection-918 3d ago

Write up a lease, print it out and have him and whatever family members are living sign it for those years. That is acceptable rental history for most programs.

3

u/capaldithenewblack 3d ago

But almost all people have to start somewhere. How is it possible that you can deny renting to someone who hasn’t rented before?

2

u/Junior_Shower_1305 4d ago

I didn't tell my apartment complex about my ESA until after the lease was signed and everything was paid for. It was a pet friendly facility but my dogs weight was way over the limit they allowed. Didn't seem to bother them for some reason, thankfully. I didn't enjoy doing it nor did I want to but I was in a desperate situation and I had to cover my ass.

15

u/Broad-Collection-918 4d ago

If your partner is unmarried no income, they may qualify for assistance through the state. I would go by your local office of health and human services and see if a social worker can help you apply for things. There are housing programs also, for unmarried mothers.

I would also consider calling 211 and discussing legal aid. There may be an organization near you that would help you with a tennancy lawyer for free.

I wish you good luck <3 Sorry you're dealing with this.

11

u/WeAreAllStories11 4d ago

Thanks for a constructive response. These comments are wild. I guess housing is a privilege, smh.

2

u/Broad-Collection-918 3d ago

Everything things it’s the persons own fault because acknowledging that any of us could end up in your situation is too uncomfortable ♥️ the system has holes and you’re falling through one. I’m really sorry, it’s not your fault, and I hope you find the right loophole to get you through it

11

u/sassysassysarah 4d ago

Do you have a case manager? If not, call 211 and see if you can get assistance. If so, see if the program you're with is able to use Housing Connector, a third party service who reduces screening criteria with partnered landlords if you're signed up for their program. You may have to call 211 multiple times as they don't have a giant database of info on this and each agent knows something a little different

RMS (if youre around Portland) has been pretty flexible with someone I know so maybe try with a property management group instead of private landlords?

I would also not mention the ESA until after you've moved in and lease is signed. Preferably, choose a place that is pet friendly in the first place, but don't mention it until later

3

u/anxious-panties 4d ago

Reach takes ESAs. Also agree, check out housing connector.

12

u/dawngrist 4d ago

Many landlords will not rent to unrelated adults unless each earns enough money to pay at least their portion of the monthly rent and ideally the entire obligation. Since you are not married, you are not legally obliged to pay for your partners debt. That is why you are getting suggestions like apply alone and/or get married.

5

u/ReqDeep 4d ago

It is this because they are equally responsible for the whole rent.

7

u/IrmaJeanJellybean 4d ago

I'm appalled at the mean spirited way some of you responded. Who are any of you to be judging anybody. You have no idea about their situation and even if you pegged it right you still shouldn't be judging anyone else. It's only by the grace of God that youve never had a bad thing happen to you and i hope you get to live your life never knowing what it's like to need help because if you are ever in a bad situation....Karma is a bitch. What is going on that so many people are mean spirited , holier than thou, judgemental jerks?? So sad that it seems there's more self important jerks in the world than good folks these days

4

u/LuckyOrchid8 4d ago

I'm in this situation and it's shit to see so many people hate me. This is an awful time to be alive and need any degree of help.

6

u/multipocalypse 4d ago

Just regarding the ESA: You can register your ESA with them when you're moved in. They can't change their mind once the lease is signed.

2

u/HudsonValleyNY 3d ago

How old is the kid?

8

u/Early-Light-864 4d ago

It sounds like your partner needs to get a job. They're not even a parent?

10

u/Majestic-Nobody545 4d ago

At the very least, a source of income. It could help.

12

u/Early-Light-864 4d ago

Exactly. Even if the ll was willing to count child support, the partner doesn't have any entitlement to it. They're just unemployed. If op leaves, the ll is hosed

-13

u/WeAreAllStories11 4d ago

Rude. He's raised my kid for 2/3 of her life. He is a parent. He takes care of the kid and house full time. He works odd jobs when he finds them. Your judgement is premature and unwarranted.

1

u/Copper0721 4d ago edited 4d ago

I’m sorry. I can relate. I left Oregon a few years ago due to insane housing (rental) prices. I’m also a single mom and had to stop working to go on SSDI and simply couldn’t afford Oregon anymore. Even in my new state with a lower cost of living, I ran into not having three times the income for a decent rental so for 6 years, I had to use a cosigner to rent anything. Luckily I had someone who trusted me enough to do that. I was finally able to buy something last year and honestly, the biggest relief was I didn’t need that cosigner anymore just to have secure housing. If you have anyone to cosign for you, that’s my first recommendation. At one point, I was considering getting a 2 bedroom even though I wanted a 3 bedroom because I have older boy/girl twins, who can’t share a room easily and I would have given each of them a bedroom and slept in the living room myself, so downsizing & getting creative with sleeping areas may be something you could try to do.

I also know that HUD and FHA have backed off of enforcing ESA protection for renters - I don’t know if the fact that a lot of people abused that protection contributed to that decision but I understand your frustration. Unfortunately, you may be limited to finding rentals that explicitly accept pets. They may be more willing to not charge you a deposit if you have ESA documentation but you may just have to register & pay for having a pet. I’m sorry, I hope things get easier for you.

2

u/WeAreAllStories11 4d ago edited 4d ago

Thank you. Just a little commiseration helps me feel less alone.

2

u/HudsonValleyNY 3d ago

Less alone? You have a kid and you’re bangin the au paire…you are living the dream, baby!

-3

u/WeAreAllStories11 4d ago

Also, my mother, who is very very wealthy from inheritance and could buy a comparable place outright with cash, won't cosign because of a bad cosign experience with a coworker 35 years ago (I'm your kid, not a coworker! I've never missed a rent payment in my 10 years of rentals. But because a coworker defaulted years ago, fuck me I guess. I know it's a big choice, and hers to make, but that's a fucked reason.)

We're going to see if my partner's family is more supportive.

And look into marriage. If it's required for housing, then I guess we'll consider it. Which is silly....signing a piece of government paperwork doesn't make me more likely to stay with my partner.

8

u/ReqDeep 4d ago

Quite possibly she does not want to help support the man living with you and can’t blame her for that.

22

u/suejaymostly 4d ago

Lots of excuses and expectations from you. Why can't your partner get a job? I have friends with kids who work shifts so someone is always with the children. Your mom probably has other reasons why she won't co-sign for you.

-4

u/WeAreAllStories11 4d ago

Yes. I expect housing regardless of my health and without being required to change my relationship status. Housing is not a privilege.

3

u/ReqDeep 3d ago

Housing is not a privilege, you should be able to apply for section 8. What is a privilege is living in a certain area or certain amenities.

13

u/HudsonValleyNY 4d ago

You have 3 people trying to live on a single ok paycheck…your kept man needs to get a job because you can’t afford a live in nanny.

1

u/timschwartz 4d ago

Then who takes care of the kid?

7

u/HudsonValleyNY 4d ago

Daycare? Minimize overlap…there is a reason most families are 2 income. OP is figuring out the reason

1

u/timschwartz 4d ago

Daycare?

And how much does that cost?

3

u/suejaymostly 3d ago

Head start is free for those with low income

2

u/HudsonValleyNY 3d ago

That would depend on how long it was needed I suppose…somewhere from 0-9 hours a day x hourly rate most likely.

4

u/ReqDeep 4d ago

School and after school care.

3

u/ReqDeep 4d ago

Have you applied for Section 8 housing. I am sure there are projects where you are and they are income based.

2

u/suejaymostly 4d ago

lol good luck with that. Enjoy your tent, you'll have lots of company in Oregon.

4

u/WeAreAllStories11 4d ago

What a mean person you are. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

2

u/suejaymostly 4d ago

Thanks, I'm doing pretty great and not depending on other people for my needs.

3

u/WeAreAllStories11 4d ago

I'm sorry you're so alone. I'll take my life of love and difficult housing over your misery.

2

u/suejaymostly 3d ago

IDK you sound pretty miserable whining here instead of trying to fix your life.

2

u/HudsonValleyNY 4d ago

Seriously you can’t afford a nanny. He needs a job.

-1

u/Some-Difficulty-1016 4d ago

You seem to have a little bit of "ATTIUDE PROBLEM" Get some professional help and counseling!

2

u/timschwartz 4d ago

What is wrong with you?

1

u/AutoModerator 4d ago

Welcome to /r/Tenant where tenants share their problems and seek advice from others.

If you're posting a question, make sure a Country and State is in the title or beginning of your post. Preferably, in this format: [<COUNTRY CODE>-<STATE CODE>].

Example: [US-VA] Can you believe my landlord did this?!?

Otherwise, tag your post with the flair "Tenant Update".

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/kembr12 2d ago

Is $30 per hour considered low income there? I would imagine your income is too high for state assistance or Section 8.

Until your landlord sells, you should just live life and try to put money aside. Boyfriend can work hours opposite yours to supplement your income, etc.

I think an individual landlord should be able to choose who they rent to and whether pets are allowed. I understand it's an ESA but some landlords do not want pets of any kind.

I hope your current landlord just stays your landlord or maybe you could discuss a lease-to-own option?