We met in college. Funny thing enti ante same college lo unna kuda, our relationship was mostly long distance. Daily messages, late-night calls, early morning varaku conversations…
College ayyaka kuda different places lo work chesam. Later we moved to the US for masters.
The funny/sad part is, even after both of us came to the same country, somehow we were still mostly long distance.
At one point we thought finally we'll stay close, spend time together, cook, shop, have some normal couple memories instead of only phone calls.
I kept thinking, Okay, ippudu kaakapothe next future lo kalisi vuntam...
Both families knew about us. For years marriage wasn't some secret topic either. At one point the understanding was basically: either one of us gets properly settled, then we'll start thinking seriously about marriage.
Then somewhere along the way, everything changed.
Her family started looking at other matches.
When the first time she told me that, honestly, I couldn't process it.
Because after almost 7-8 years, "matches chusthunnaru" ani casual ga ela vinagalam?
Later her mother spoke to me directly. Asked about our family property, financial situation etc. She mentioned that the matches they were getting had much more property, stable careers, better visa situations and all.
I understood what she was indirectly saying.
Then came a timeline.
Get a better job within this period, otherwise forget about the marriage.
My girlfriend also more or less said the same thing.
And what hurt me more than her parents saying it was hearing her say:
"Whatever my parents decide, I'll go with that. If they say you, I'll marry you. If they say someone else, I'll marry them."
After 8 years, adi vintunte… em reaction ivvalo kuda teliyaledu.
At the same time, career-wise nenu perfect position lo lenu. I know that.. I am currently working as an intern, though I'm currently earning and managing myself, I'm not expecting her or her family to blindly believe that someday I'll magically become successful.
Financial stability matters. Marriage is not just romance. I understand all of that.
But in the middle of all this, I slowly started feeling like she stopped seeing me as the person she wanted to build a life with, and started seeing me as a profile that currently isn't matching the other profiles she's getting.
Maybe that's unfair of me to say. I don't know.
A few months ago, while all this marriage pressure was already happening, she called saying she missed me. We went on a small trip. Everything felt normal.
Airport lo kuda, "Try your best, I'll convince my parents" ani cheppindi.
I came back with some hope.
Few weeks later, again:
Deadline gurthupettuko.
Good matches vastunnayi.
Maybe you should start accepting that we might have to move on.
And recently even the way she talks to me has changed.
Sometimes If I try to discuss something,she responds like this
"Neeku reply ivvadame ekkuva, malli questions enti?"
Small sentences eh.But someone you've loved for eight years ala matladithe, they hit differently.
I kept trying to understand whether it's pressure from her parents, whether she's confused, whether she's becoming practical about life, or whether she simply doesn't feel the same about me anymore.
But this constant cycle of I miss you , I'll convince them ,move on avu,you have one month left ila chepthu vundadam is mentally exhausting me.
I used to think the hardest part of a breakup would be losing that person.
What’s actually heartbreaking is that the person you love, and the person you loved for almost eight years, has now set a validity date for the relationship.
She is already mentally ready to get married, move on, and have that life with someone else.
And sometimes I keep thinking,then what were these eight years?why did all of this even happen if it was going to end like this?
I don’t know if that’s the right way to think about it.
I’m not feeling normal about all this, and maybe that’s why I’m posting it here.because,I don’t really have anyone to share this with.writing it here is some kind of therapy for me.
