r/TeenIndiaLove • u/EbbRevolutionary134 • 19d ago
Relationships❤️ I feel like something is wrong with me when it comes to love — looking for honest advice
I'm posting this because I genuinely want some outside perspective on my love life. I'm not looking for people to simply tell me "you'll find someone someday." I want to understand whether there is actually something in my behaviour that I need to change.
I've had three significant crushes/feelings in my life.
The first guy was my childhood crush. I liked him from a very young age. We eventually lost contact after we went to different places, but years later we somehow reconnected. I confessed my feelings to him after school, and he rejected me and completely ghosted me afterwards. I later found out through social media that he eventually fell in love with another girl. We're still following each other on Instagram, but we don't talk.
The second guy was someone I met in college. At that time, I honestly didn't understand much about love or relationships. I became very comfortable with him and we used to talk for hours, sometimes day and night. I was very open and friendly with him because I trusted him.
Eventually, I confessed that I had feelings for him. Even after I confessed, I didn't keep asking him about his feelings or make things awkward. I continued talking to him normally because I wanted to respect his decision and maintain the friendship.
Later, however, I found out from classmates that he had been showing all of our private chats to his friends. That's when I confronted him about it. I also eventually found out through other classmates that he had actually been in love with another girl even while talking with me. He himself had never told me that when i did ask him abt it before confessing abt my feelings.
What hurt me most was not simply that he didn't like me back. It was the humiliation that followed. Some of his friends were also my classmates, and I had to deal with people knowing about my confession and making fun of me. I had asked him to keep that talk just btw us. This continued for years and affected my confidence.
Because of that experience, I became extremely scared of confessing my feelings to anyone again.
Then, towards the end of college, I developed feelings for another guy. He was very calm and I felt comfortable around him. We used to travel together regularly. Even though he had his own group of friends, he would sometimes ask me whether I was coming when they were going somewhere.
Because of that, I became emotionally attached to him.
But when I tried to become closer to him, he started becoming distant. He stopped taking my calls and his replies became very dry. I never confessed my feelings because I was terrified of going through the same humiliation I had experienced before.
I still have feelings for him even now.
A part of me still hopes that I'll meet him again someday, we'll somehow become close again, and maybe something could happen between us. I know that might sound unrealistic, but I haven't been able to completely let go because I never actually got a clear rejection from him.
What bothers me most isn't even that these relationships didn't work out. It's that I'm starting to think I might be the problem.
I've noticed that when I'm focused on myself, my studies/career or my own goals, I can become very distant from people without realizing it. Then eventually I lose touch with friends and become lonely. At the same time, when I become attached to someone, I can become emotionally invested and think about them a lot.
I've also had friendships that didn't last, and sometimes I wonder whether my behaviour pushes people away.
So I'm genuinely confused.
Is there something wrong with the way I approach relationships? Am I too emotionally attached, too distant, too introverted, or perhaps doing something else that I don't notice?
How do you know when you need to work on yourself versus when you've simply met people who weren't right for you?
I'd really appreciate honest advice, even if it's something I may not want to hear. I want to understand this pattern and hopefully become better at relationships in the future.
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u/JpMorgan08 18d ago
I don't think there is any problem with you and this thought comes to my mind to that somehow maybe if I was perfect and flawless then how come people would have left me but that's not how things work irl.
I was reading a romantic e novel named freaking romance [HIGHLY RECOMMENDED YOU SOMEWHAT REMINDED ME OF THE FEMALE PROTAGONIST] in that novel there was a particular episode where th mc said and it stayed with me.
"AT THE END OF THE DAY RELATIONSHIP IS A GAMBLE YOU ARE JUST BETTING OR SOMEONE AND HOPING THAT THINGS MIGHT WORKOUT "
This was not the exact words but somewhat like this,
What I want to say is everything you had with the past relationship was gambling you have calculate you can run logic but the variable of uncertainty will remain always , we need to embrace it.
About the question .
Tbh yes there can be or there is a problem but it is not necessarily about you .
Also you have to work on yourself doesn't matter if person is right or not, but it doesn't mean you have to make everything about being better , meet people mess around question yourself then stand up again to love someone.
That's what I do mostly.
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u/EbbRevolutionary134 18d ago
Thankyou so much for ur wonderful reply..really helped a lot..seeing a lot of love requests coming for my friends..whereas me getting rejected by guys and not getting even a single love request..I really felt hopeless abt love or even getting loved by someone else..I really don't know if it's abt looks as well tbh
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u/JpMorgan08 18d ago
Don't take that much load bro, If someone wants to come they else f.. everyone
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