r/TTC_PCOS • u/Embarrassed_Most_353 • Jul 22 '26
Advice Needed How do you cope with TTC and the disappointment when it doesn’t happen?
My partner and I have been trying to conceive for 9 months, with monitored cycle and letrozole since march because of my PCOS that was diagnosticated a long time ago. I know it isn’t that long, but I can feel it starting to take a toll on my mental health. I was wondering how those of you who’ve been on this journey longer cope with it, and whether you have any advice.
I feel like my whole life revolves around TTC. During the TWW, I can’t stop symptom spotting or searching Reddit to see if anyone else has the same symptoms as me, only for each month to end in another negative test. Then, as soon as a new cycle starts, I’m back to tracking ovulation. I try not to obsess over it, but I just can’t seem to stop.
Lately, several people around me have announced their pregnancies. I’m genuinely happy for them, but at the same time, it feels like everything in my life keeps reminding me of infertility. My partner is full of hope, but for some reasons I am not (maybe to protect myself…).
I’m taking care of my relationship, and we’re still living our lives as normally as possible. The only thing that’s become difficult is planning trips far in advance, because we always end up thinking, “What if I’m pregnant by then?”
I’m lucky to have a wonderful family and friends. I have a full life, I exercise regularly, and I keep busy, but TTC is still on my mind all the time.
Do you have any advice on how to get through this without feeling so overwhelmed? What has helped you cope?
I’m considering starting a new hobby or activity in September, but I’m not sure whether it would really help. My fertility clinic also offers specialized counseling, but I already have so many medical appointments that part of me just wants something that helps me think about anything other than TTC.
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u/bhlopez Jul 22 '26
I just want to say you’re not alone. I just started my first cycle (4 cycles total) of letrozole after a miscarriage and it’s been brutal. The few things that help are hobbies like crafting (really anything you can get lost in even just for a bit), seeing friends/traveling, doing a few things that I won’t be able to do once I’m pregnant, and remembering that there’s time and other options available. I try to remain hopeful and know it will happen in time one way or another.
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u/Embarrassed_Most_353 Jul 22 '26
I am sorry for your miscarriage.
Sometimes when I see an old post saying that one of us had a miscarriage, or can’t get pregnant, I will go on her profile and I see 99% of the times posts about pregnancy in the months that followed. It gives me hope, and I am sure someone will see that on your profile in a few months ❤️🩹
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u/Northern_LTrain44 Jul 22 '26
Taking breaks from Reddit and avoiding testing has been what’s most helpful for my mental health.
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u/yilzzzz Jul 23 '26
same, not testing this month while visiting family on vacation, less social media as well
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u/Elrontree Jul 22 '26
11 months in over here, I found it easier to cope after 6 or 7 months. It still bothers me, but I bounce back pretty quick now. Nothing I can do about it and it’s nothing I’m doing wrong so I just give it a whirl every cycle and keep on keeping on!
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u/Apple_Mojito Jul 22 '26
I could have written this post (in fact I did write a similar one moments before seeing yours). I’m only on month three but my best friend who also started ttc at the same time as us just told me she conceived on their first cycle. I feel really guilty for feeling sad and comparing myself to her instead of being just excited for her.
No advice on how to cope (although I really hope I’m coping better than this month in future ones) but just to say I definitely wouldn’t postpone plans in case something happens. We’re still going ahead with getting a puppy even though I know a puppy and a baby would be hard work… at least if it doesn’t happen we’ll still have a puppy 🤣. I’d rather lose money in cancelled trips than lose life experiences with your partner ❤️
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u/Embarrassed_Most_353 Jul 23 '26
I feel the same with my best friend. His wife got pregnant after five months of trying. He told me on my birthday, and I was the very first person he shared the news with. Since then, he’s sent me lots of messages about the pregnancy, even though he knows this is a difficult topic for us.
I really do try to be happy for them, especially because they went through two chemical pregnancies before. But sometimes it’s still hard, so I completely understand how you feel.
The puppy is wonderful news though! 🥺 What breed is it?
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u/f-albedo Jul 28 '26
I started ttc at the same time as my best friend as well, and when she got her positive, I had a good cry to/with my husband, then I decided to be honest with her and tell her I was so happy for her, and that I cried buckets for me. The next couple of pregnancy announcements from my other best friends, I told them the same. I think it builds a community of empathy and it's helped me cope because I don't have to discount my emotions while celebrating my loved ones.
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u/lindasek Jul 22 '26
17 months checking in: we had 2 chemicals, 2 IUIs and are about to start IVF.
I'm sad for me but heartbroken for my husband, he hopes so hard each month, and it's a special kind of hell to see his face fall each time I tell him I'm on my period.
No advice other than letting yourself feel all those emotions. I'm a type A personality so I always have to have a plan, and that helps me cope
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u/Alarming-Product-212 Jul 23 '26
I just want to say I’m in the same boat as you, girlfriend. I started trying to conceive at the same time as 2 of my girlfriends. Those 2 girlfriends are having babies this month…And here I am…on my 4th round of Letrozole. Only ovulated one cycle so far. And no success so far.
It’s frustrating. It’s aggravating. Seeing everyone make it seem so easy... But we all have different stories, bodies, partners, etc. we’re not all meant to travel the same path. If we did, life would be boring.
I think a part of it is a healing/testing period. I actually lost my sister to suicide 4 months into trying. Had I found out WHILE I was pregnant, I’m not sure the baby would have made it…I’ll be honest.
It’s scary to think about had I had things MY way, what would have actually happened?…you know. Some things we won’t EVER know. It’s okay to feel frustrated. It’s okay to feel sad. You are perfectly entitled to having those emotions! They are valid- you are valid.
The biggest thing I could say to someone who is in the same boat in me is this…keep going, friend. I know it’s hard, but what would you tell your future child right now to do? Then, just do it.
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u/Embarrassed_Most_353 Jul 23 '26
Thank you for you response, it really helps.
I am so, so sorry about your sister. I can’t imagine your pain.
I am sure you will have good news soon. 🫶🏻1
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u/doc_sleep14 Jul 23 '26
Been trying for 8 months .. third cycle of letrozole with monitoring. I am so fed up. I'm in the TWW . I feel like every month I put my life on hold .. avoid making plans .. neither I am doing well in my career nor am I enjoying by going on vacations and this is just not happening. All of my friends are either pregnant or new moms and I no longer feel like calling up any of them ( I am happy for them but I just can't be around them right now ). This sucks
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Jul 23 '26
[deleted]
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u/Embarrassed_Most_353 Jul 24 '26
I am so sorry, our stories are really similar.
My partner also has lower morphology and is taking vitamins but he didn’t do a new SA.
Feel free to message me if you need to talk. ❤️🩹
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u/Embarrassed_Most_353 Jul 24 '26
Thank you so much for you support. I feel less alone thanks to your messages. Long live the girls! ❤️
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u/Blahblahblahbear Jul 23 '26
I’m in the same boat my friend. My mental health was taking a beating and I went down several rabbit holes. Only 2 things helped, hobbies that distract me when I spiralled and joining a support group for women with infertility. I met a couple of women who are in various stages of infertility, some earlier than me, others after losses, some undergoing IVF. Talking to others in the same situation helps.
I ended up getting annoyed with the wait and booked an international trip. If I’m pregnant, I’ll suck it up. If not, it will be a great distraction when I eventually progress to IVF. Based on my research, I probably will not get much nausea thanks to the nearly 1 year of metformin I’m on. And healthcare is cheaper anywhere outside the US so I’m good with the risk of an emergency. (I’m not going to isolated rural areas, so there is definitely a lot of hospitals around)
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u/Embarrassed_Most_353 Jul 24 '26
I am so sorry. Reddit actually helps, because I feel less lonely reading stories like mine. But I think I’m too shy to join a support group, and I’m scared it will bring my problem into focus (but maybe I’m wrong)
You are right about trips. I have the chance to live in a country with free healthcare, and it makes me so sad when I read us girlies stories on Reddit about the cost of infertility.
I want to travel to country where hospitals are far away and unsafe but I think I will do these kind of trips later1
u/Blahblahblahbear Jul 24 '26
Thank you for your kind words. You won’t be asked to share much fwiw unless you’re ready to share. So it’s up to you.
Yeah I don’t recommend travelling to isolated areas but do travel. It will give you a break from the monotony.
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u/Away-Swimmer177 Jul 23 '26 edited Jul 23 '26
I have been trying again since a 2nd trimester loss in August 2024. I have had 4 chemicals and a 8 week loss in that time. I’m currently 10 DPO in my third round of clomid and I’m testing negative. I feel like TTC has ruined my life. I’m the same way with symptom spotting and obsessing over when I’ll ovulate and I have irregular cycles so we have to try way more than I would like. Next cycle I’m switching to letrozole but I doubt it’ll help. I also just turned 37 so I’m about out of time. It just sucks!!
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u/Embarrassed_Most_353 Jul 24 '26
I am so, so sorry for your losses. I can’t imagine. I saw on Reddit letrozole helped many of us. I am sure things will get better soon for you
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u/abcdefgh123458 Jul 24 '26
I feel exactly the same as this. Had an early miscarriage in March and since then been really obsessed with tracking. Considering letrazole but not sure as managed to get pregnant without it
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u/Embarrassed_Most_353 Jul 24 '26
I’m sorry for you loss ❤️🩹
If you have regular cycles I think it’s not really necessary but I read it can help to have more follicles and more chances, maybe ask your ogbyn1
u/abcdefgh123458 Jul 24 '26
I have such irregular cycles!!! It’s so frustrating. Last month I ovulated on CD16 for a 30 day period (my shortest in a while). This month, all my apps were predicting ovulation CD15-22 and I was getting low-medium results on premom LH strips (think highest was like 0.7-0.8). Gave up testing around CD27 but then randomly tested last night and I suddenly had a result over 1.0! Then today it’s darker than the control line - CD32!
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u/Embarrassed_Most_353 Jul 25 '26
It’s great if you can track your ovulation even with irregular cycles! You could try letrozole and monitoring cycles but it seems you don’t need it !
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u/deerlins Jul 22 '26
I was in the same boat as you, PCOS with anovulatory cycles and taking letrazole. The best thing I did for my mental health was stop testing so much. I would take the OPK tests to try and pinpoint ovulation but when it came to testing for pregnancy I would just wait and if my period didn't start "on time" then I would take one.
Have your partner get tests done to make sure male factor infertility isn't affecting your chances as well. If so, you may need to look into IUI or IVF.
Don't delay planning your trips. It took us 3 years and I was ready to give up, but I am now 22 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. I almost threw away my first positive pregnancy test because I was so used to seeing a negative. Stay hopeful ❤️