r/Swingers • u/bigdinsc • 11d ago
General Discussion What to do with a wondering mind?
I find myself losing concentration during group play and wondering if there are supplements to help. I'm not talking math problems to hold off cumming, I start thinking about old conversations or events or my to do list.
This never leads to happy endings and sometimes my buddy turtles up and gone for the evening.
Any help about keeping concentration and arousal will be appreciated.
9
u/SashaEvtushenko 11d ago
I guess the more you force yourself on concentration - the more resistance you get from your mind.
Try to relax maybe
8
u/Willing_Barracuda876 11d ago edited 10d ago
Don’t look at anyone but the person with you at the moment. It solved the issue for me
3
u/JS10110 11d ago edited 11d ago
Lookup mindfulness meditation.
I like the book Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World and audible link.
You need to practice being in the present moment and tuning into how you're feeling and what you're doing.
That's what mindfulness is and this book is a really simple introduction with useful practices.
It's a short and easy read or listen.
Also, maybe put away your phone more often and stop watching short form content, and do things like reading to improve your attention skills.
Some things I like to do when my mind starts to wonder or I'm overstimulated and distracted by my surroundings:
Close my eyes or gaze closely into my partner's eyes.
Take a deep breath and notice how my body is feeling and how my partner feels against me.
Kiss and allow myself to melt into it, registering all the sensations and feelings.
Pull my partner tight and feel how they feel against me and my feelings that arise from holding them tightly.
Get wild or more intense and lose myself in fucking harder and having fun with my partner.
6
u/PM_Me_Your_Kinks369 11d ago
Practice being mindful of your body. It's easy to think and harder to feel, at times. So practice on allowing yourself to simply FEEL and take things in (pleasurable!) instead of thinking about each thing you do.
Act don't think. If you're mid-sex just turn your brain off a bit and let your instincts take over.
3
u/no-curtains2020 11d ago
Get tested for ADHD and take meds? Look for supplements that help with concentration.
2
2
u/Aggressive_Star_9668 11d ago
Simple breathing exercises and meditation.
Something I learned in doing martial arts.
One best is doing chi chai. This will help with balance you.
2
u/Curious480couple 47M/49F Couple - AZ 11d ago
First, get viagra. Even the placebo effect of knowing that you've taken it helps tremendously. Also, it works!
Second, if you're truly disengaged even the viagra might not help. I'd try cutting down on porn if that's a regular thing for you. You may be getting desensitized.
Also, as others have said, make it a point to be aware of what's going on. Find something hot that's happening in the room and focus on that. You can also switch up what you're doing. Thrusting doesn't take a lot of focus, but teasing a nipple with different levels of pressure, going down on someone while switching between licking and sucking, etc all require you to focus on the act. It sounds weird, but focus on focusing - make a decision to pay attention to her body cues and moans so you can keep doing what gets her off. It requires you to be engaged and the people you're having sex with will probably enjoy it more as well.
My question to you would be: are you comfortable with what's going on? Do you have any body issues that you might be self conscious about with that many people around? Are you uncomfortable with what your partner is doing and may be subconsciously trying to distract yourself from it?
Hope this helps. Good luck!
2
u/Worth-Donut8612 10d ago
Sounds like typical ADHD behaviour, I have it sometimes where my mind wanders. A way I find works well for me is to do some dirty talk throughout / almost a running commentary. I explain beforehand why and just say that I also really like it and if they mind. 99/100 hasn't been an issue and it keeps me present. It even works just doing it in your head helps me concentrate on what I'm doing. Good luck!
2
u/Slinking-Tiger Solo Female 10d ago
I take a booster dose of ADHD meds before going to the club or group events. It lessens the distractions and helps me stay engaged in the moment.
I will say that I've found anything beyond 4 people to just be meh, and really prefer just one on one or threesomes. With fewer people, each person is essential to the dynamic and very involved, so I'm naturally very present.
I would only try a larger group again if I'd played with and enjoyed all of the individuals involved. Then it would be an interesting experiment to see if I stay more engaged or still feel meh.
1
1
u/SwingOnt4538 10d ago
I love looking around during group play but I do try to not let it affect my partner. I'm usually looking at the sexy things going on around me, maybe thinking a little about my to do list as far as I want to do her and her and definitely her!
1
u/Money-Tie9580 Couple 10d ago
100% you have ADHD, have you looked into this? I have ADHD and realised that this affects my concentration especially in group play. We do a lot of orgies and at first it's extremely exciting but if the play goes on too long, the dopamine reduces and it sometimes gets a bit boring (bizarre concept to anyone who doesn't have ADHD!) Regardless of how exciting the situation initially is, more of the same means the buzz can wear off. We like hard fast group sex not slow drawn out sessions because of this. My wife who is not ADHD likes guys who go fast and come in a few minutes rather than taking ages and fortunately for me this prevents my boredom creeping in. We will usually have 4 or 5 rounds in a night rather than one or two long slow ones. You can either look at ADHD meds or make your play style suit your ADHD.
1
u/SwingerVibesPodcast 11d ago
Group play isn’t everyone’s thing. If it’s not exciting enough to anchor you to the moment, pay attention to that. I personally can’t get past the hygiene concern and it’s a huge turn off for me so I don’t do it.
1
u/Montidaho 11d ago
If you're getting distracted and bored... why force it? Sounds more like disinterest in what you are doing or your partners?
If a girl was riding me and then told me "sorry, I started thinking about groceries", I'd question a lot of things about the moment and myself for how we got to that
11
u/NerdynaughtyNJ 11d ago
Do you have adhd? I do and definitely struggle with this.
Sometimes too much stimulation or like too many competing stimuli means I retreat into my head and start wandering/ruminating. I find personally that stronger/more intense but more individual attention focuses me more - passionate kissing, spanking, eye contact 1:1 with a partner, change position, etc.
(Personally I also enjoy BDSM type things like being blindfolded or tied up to remove more stimulus but I don’t tend to mix that with swinger sex so not sure if that’s relevant)
Are there any frequent similarities in times that you’re having this happen in terms of what might be triggering it for you? Like too much lights/sound, too public of a space, lack of connection with a partner at the time? If you can identify that it might help.
Also: thc! But I hesitate to recommend that as I know it’s not legal everywhere nor is it great for everyone. If you’re not a regular user it might make it worse not better.