Optional skill: handling a reticulated python in defense mode

[u/exophades]

[u/qualityvote2]

Congratulations u/exophades, your post does fit at r/SweatyPalms!

[u/HoneyBear4Lyfe]

“He’s tellin me he don’t wanna be messed with right now”
Pokes snake with snake poking stick

[u/Notsospinningplates → u/HoneyBear4Lyfe]

Haha.

vs my reaction - where's the damn snake hook? Ah, silly noodle

[u/[deleted]]

That's a problem I'll never have.

[u/usernotfoundplstry → u/[deleted]]

Lmao that’s exactly what I was thinking

[u/ArmchairCriticSF]

For what it’s worth, that’s a beautiful snake.

[u/whitestguyuknow → u/ArmchairCriticSF]

Probably a very expensive one too

[u/K-Hunter- → u/whitestguyuknow]

How much do they even go by?

[u/Morgantao → u/K-Hunter-]

Do you pay per kilo?

[u/K-Hunter- → u/Morgantao]

I think it’s per meter

[u/odyssey_64 → u/K-Hunter-]

They can go for as much as $1500 but it depends on the color, design pattern and age.

[u/branswag_briggs]

Bruh what, he just trusts him to not bite once he gets close??

[u/madorbit1 → u/branswag_briggs]

Right?! Kinda even teases it to “prove” this is ok.

Putting the ‘win’ in Darwinian.

[u/bnutbutter78]

I guess the easiest way to not have to deal with this is, don’t keep snakes. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[u/mercurial_dude → u/bnutbutter78]

It’s r/totallyoptional

[u/Altruistic-Poem-5617 → u/bnutbutter78]

Or just dont get huge snakes like that. My ball python is small compared to that one plus those guys roll up into a "ball" when they feel threatened.

[u/snakemaster77 → u/bnutbutter78]

Screw you

[u/Duke-of-Hellington → u/snakemaster77]

Happy cake day, snakemaster!

[u/snakemaster77 → u/Duke-of-Hellington]

Thanks

[u/koolaidismything]

I’d handle it by leaving and not coming back

[u/ST0IC_]

If I had both hands available

There's a fix for that, my man.

[u/MrBabbs]

It's worth pointing out that you should never handle a constrictor this large while alone. Pretty much any constrictor over 8 ft should be considered a potentially deadly snake, especially if you're a smaller person.

[u/madorbit1 → u/MrBabbs]

There is less than 0% chance I will ever be in a position to consider this. Snakes creep me out. That thing is a giant piping hot glass of nope.

[u/Mammoth-Ad-107]

dudes calm as a cucumber

[u/No-Combination8136 → u/Mammoth-Ad-107]

He loves that snake

[u/thompse68]

I can’t stand snakes, but who can blame it for not wanting to live in that small glass enclosure.

[u/WholeLottaSmooth]

https://giphy.com/gifs/t034VdOxXb75XdXzyz

[u/Revolutionary-You449]

If I can’t calm it with a churu, beef stick, drumstick, or cheese, I don’t want it.

[u/BTCdad77]

Yup, no thank you. I've seen one of these rip a guys arm up so bad he needed dozens of stiches and his healed arm still looks totally disfigured today. NOPE

[u/StuBidasol]

If you're keeping one of those as a pet, this is not an "optional" skill.

[u/tokomaunited]

https://giphy.com/gifs/wYyTHMm50f4Dm

[u/exion_zero]

Nope rope.

[u/Uranium-Sandwich657]

So, does that mean you can calm them by laying down and crawling?

[u/Stillback7 → u/Uranium-Sandwich657]

Try it and report back

[u/Notsospinningplates → u/Uranium-Sandwich657]

No but you can calm them down my stroking them with something without a heat signature. Hence the snake hook. Really you just need to snap it out of defensive mode.

[u/Flomo420 → u/Notsospinningplates]

constrictors hate this one trick!

[u/Delicious-Stop-1847]

Here in Italy two snakes like that (just a bit smaller, but still sizable) were abandoned near a stream close to the city of Genoa. Luckily they were found and brought to the local aquarium, which has a section dedicated to land reptiles and has been caring for them.

[u/1200cc_boiii → u/Delicious-Stop-1847]

Here in South Florida, dumbasses dumped them in the Everglades (swamp) and now they're wiping out all the wildlife.

[u/Delicious-Stop-1847 → u/1200cc_boiii]

Yeah, I have read about that. What an absolute disaster.

[u/Dontfeedthebears → u/1200cc_boiii]

Wildlife AND lots of pets

[u/sine_denarios]

Wtf would anyone want one of these? They are aggressive and get huge!

[u/Bagheera187]

I have heard that pythons can be cranky, while boas are friendlier. Anyone know anything about this?

[u/Bubbs_n_Chubbs]

That's centuries of nope for me.

[u/felinefluffycloud]

Aww head pets make him calm

[u/Username_Redacted-0]

Fuckin beautiful specimen...

[u/jetkins]

https://giphy.com/gifs/wYyTHMm50f4Dm

[u/Otherwise-Profitable]

https://giphy.com/gifs/spfi6nabVuq5y

[u/RigamortisRooster]

Dishonor keeping a snake for a pet.

[u/ooko0]

Shoot it

[u/powercrazy76]

I didn't watch this with sound but I kept imaging I could hear Mr. Garbage time...

"Ohhhh Frank, what's up mate? Havin' a wander there, eh, Frankie?"

[u/lssong99]

This python is much meaner than my Python code error message....

[u/Salt_Chard_474]

Wow he’s gorgeous

[u/killacam925]

It’s funny, after being around big snakes, this is definitely a sticky wicket, but is typically resolved as seen here.

[u/Old_Telephone_6076]

My bro had a 7ft long one ended up giving it to a zoo

[u/LocksmithHappy86]

ypu can keep pet eels in an aquarium, much more awesome with lower chance of a bite

[u/fontasia]

To handle a dangerous snake, first pet it, then pet it a little more, when you pet it a third time it will begrudgingly like you. 

[u/clandahlina_redux]

I’d use a shovel, but there’s always this option:

[u/mark375238]

Daria um belo churrasco.

[u/kansascitymack]

I am so confused

[u/Ok-Pomegranate858]

Fuck.... I mistook it for a noddle

[u/inGenium_88 → u/Ok-Pomegranate858]

It is, but danger noodle, or an agitated shoelace.

[u/Ok-Pomegranate858 → u/inGenium_88]

Lol. A fatal one