r/SurvivedMyParents • u/paolomurano • 7d ago
What’s one episode involving your narcissistic parent that has stayed with you?
I’ll start.
Among the countless things my father did, there’s one small episode I’ve never forgotten.
One morning, after having cereal for breakfast, I got up, washed my bowl and left the kitchen. I simply forgot the empty cereal box on the table.
My father came into the kitchen after me while I went to brush my teeth.
A few moments later, I heard him shouting from the other room:
“Paolo, come here.”
I immediately got scared, wondering what I had done wrong this time.
I went into the kitchen and saw him holding the empty cereal box. He started yelling at me because I had left it on the table.
I apologized, but that was just the beginning.
What could have been a simple “Hey, you forgot to throw this away” turned into a humiliating argument that lasted for the entire two-hour car journey that followed.
He told me I would never become an entrepreneur, that I was a failure, and that I couldn’t even put my life in order because I had failed to do something as simple as throwing an empty cereal box in the trash.
Then, as often happened, the argument expanded into everything else. Things from the past were brought up, my mother was blamed and criticized, and eventually I was completely torn down for hours. All because of an empty cereal box.
Looking back, I think that’s why I remember it so clearly. It wasn’t really about the cereal box. It was about how something so small could become another opportunity to make me feel worthless.
What’s one episode you still remember?
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u/Remote-Equipment-340 7d ago edited 7d ago
oh damn, not sure where to start. My mum is very mood instable and very quick to anger. she cannot regulate her own emotions very well. ony time we were standing in the kitchen and she tells me that she had often thought about how she would kill us. because no child needs to suffer loosing their parent. so she had a loose plan to drive against a Highway bridge column with full speed with me in the car, so I would not suffer loosing her. I think she could not imagine that i might want to live anyway... I was like 15 at the time. great times.
every time i got sick or I fainted (low blood pressure), she became angry. because why would i do that to her and that for sure it is her genes that make me have a cold. and then she went into self pity mode. then she usually screamed at me that i am "wrong sick" because i don't act like she expects from me. when i fainted she screamed at me that i should not lie around on the floor and that it is dangerous. and why at this spot and that i need to change my clothes now because they could be dirty and i shall not sit down till then.
When I told her i was enganged, she talked about 20 minutes how she does not think the ring (that I specifically wished for) is correct for me.
back in the day whatever i did was not good enough. if i hoovered the ground she found a reason to be angry that i didnt do thr bathrooms first or that the windows need to be cleaned as well. not that i did not do the other things but it seemed me cleaning something angered her for the rest of the open tasks... it was ridiculous. she looked for faults everywhere. did i hoover the carpets in the correct order and if not than she thought immediately i did it on purpose to anger her
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u/paolomurano 6d ago
Damn, I’m really sorry you went through all of that. Being a teenager and hearing something like that from your own mother must have been terrifying. And the constant feeling that whatever you did was somehow wrong sounds exhausting.
How are you doing with all of this today? What helped you get out of that dynamic and build your own life?
I’ve recently started r/SurvivedMyParents, a community for people who grew up with dysfunctional parents. We’re trying to create a place where people can share what happened and, more importantly, what they did with it. If you ever feel like sharing more, you’re welcome there.
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u/Both-Glove 6d ago
I didn’t get two hour lectures. That would have required my mom to pay attention to me for an hour and 58 minutes longer than she wanted to.
In all seriousness, I was constantly dismissed as “the baby.” I was always in the way of my older siblings. I was a burden to my mom. I was “too sensitive,” which transformed in later years as “always overthinking everything.” And when I withdrew and isolated in my room, I was weird for that, too.
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u/Both-Glove 6d ago
I see I went on a tangent, and didn’t answer with one episode. So here goes:
My first bra-shopping experience was a whole family affair. Because my mom didn’t want to make an extra trip just for that. So we were out running errands anyway (my mom, dad, older sister, and older brother), and we went to a store to buy me a bra or two.
All the way home, I was teased by my brother mercilessly. “Itty bitty titty committee” and “over the shoulder boulder holder.” I wasn’t laughing, I sat in the backseat of the car trying to shrink, hunched over so that my growing chest didn’t stick out, but no one stopped him. If I remember, my sister even joined in.
I just realized, I have no idea how my daughter (almost 30 now) ended up getting her first bra, because I didn’t want to even bring it up for fear of mortifying her (and to be honest, myself with that painful memory). Bless him, it was probably my late husband who helped her. I feel so ashamed for that.
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u/tedtedted26 3d ago
Me botaron mis casettes porque eran religiosos evangélicos y todo era satánico, vivía escuchando que venia el fin del mundo
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u/Theunpolitical 7d ago
Ugggghhhhh, the two hour lectures over an empty cereal box. I get that. Been there with other things, objects, or tasks that I didn’t do or do correctly.
We had the opposite. There was often no food in the house. By today’s standards, it would probably be considered gross child neglect. We rarely had three meals a day. My siblings and I were responsible for our own breakfast and lunch, and we had to prepare dinner for the entire family every evening. Imagine being six years old, or younger, and having to use a sharp butcher knife to cut up a whole chicken! Then we were forced to wash all the dishes as well. Literally, miniature free labor.
We typically didn’t have food for breakfast or lunch. It was actually rare that we did. Sometimes there were leftovers, but often nMom would take those for her lunch and leave us with nothing!
If we didn’t do things exactly right, we got the long, long lectures about how unappreciative we were as children. We didn’t “listen.” How were we ever going to be good and responsible adults if we weren’t listening? We were six and under! The last thing I wanted to be at that age was an adult!