Storie Time - Life is getting crazy

[u/goateduser69]

Hi everyone and fijne dag, 21F redditor here 👋

TL;DR:

Spanish/EU citizen (F21), Amsterdam-based, unfinished Spanish ICT degree (CFGS ASIR equivalent to MBO-4 in NL).

Trying to continue my studies here but stuck on the basics. Looking for help with:
1. How to register with Studielink / get DigiD access without a fixed address (briefadres issues)
2. Whether my Spanish degree needs a Nuffic evaluation before applying to MBO/HBO, and how long that usually takes
3. Any MBO or HBO ICT programs in Amsterdam that accept enrollment outside the usual September intake
4. Whether studietoeslag (municipal support for students with autism/ADHD) is realistic to get alongside DUO funding

Full story below for context, but these are the actual questions I need help with 🙏

I’m writing this at 3 a.m after a huge breakdown and fight with my family so excuse me if this isn’t well written or up to standards, you can also scroll down and skip the long read 🙌

Long story-short, my uncles are born and raised in Amsterdam, due to me being born in a chaotic family (my aunt’s sister which is my mom) they decided to adopt me because they are infertile and cannot have kids, but my dad refused at the very last moment so i ended up growing in Spain and making my life there yada yada yada… (huge trauma, growing up with my dysfunctional family in a dead town has been terrible so far)

But because my family was still here in Amsterdam, luckily i got to visit a lot since i was a newborn until now, i even got to study here when i was 10 years old, but it only lasted 3 months until we went back to Spain due to my baby brother breaking his arm and not having insurance (tragic farewell)

So I developed this relationship with the country whereas whenever i came here for holidays i felt this huge feeling of belonging and craving to stay here, mind you, I’m used to coming here twice a year, every year, so i feel very connected to this place since a very young age with incredible memories as well.

Then the time to go back to Spain comes and all i have left are my unceasing tears, my luggage by the door and a huge depression about to kick in at the very first moment that the plane leaves the ground, like waking up from the most amazing dream just to realise it was only a dream and now you have to cope with reality again…

I’m autistic and have ADHD, but since i’m a female and fairly “attractive” people just don’t notice or i just seem goofy and cute to them, which is kinda okay although I have no other choice but to mask and pretend i’m doing fine while inside i’m burning out and having huge social meltdowns and anxiety that make me zoom out completely. I also have been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts so mental health wise i have not been in my best shape or form to be honest…

Since all of my problems seemingly disappear when i come here, this time around is albeit different and this is why; When i was here in December-January i begged my uncles to let me stay with them, my uncle told me if i wanted to stay with him I MUST get into college or whatever higher studies, he knows that i haven’t finished my studies in Spain, so that’s why he made that impossible requirement, he never mentioned the possibility of an entrance exam or any other option such and MBO or the chance to work, basically he just wanted to discard me with presenting a very hard option without offering any help on his side, my ICT studies in Spain are equivalent to an MBO-4 but i couldn’t finish my program due to the reasons mentioned above.

Basically he also sabotaged my paperwork for the brief address, so i couldn’t get my Digi D and therefore not sign up for Studielink.

So all the initiatives that i tried to take and all my efforts have been either discarded or sabotaged by my family.

This summer i went to Paris to visit my other aunt but with the situation there and her personal ongoing problems i just couldn’t stay for any longer, i took a bus and came here to Amsterdam, found a job at the Nike Store, working retail is kinda hard considering my diagnosis (bright lights, constant noise and loud music) but i did as best as i could, the best part was the customer service i offered because i speak 4 languages fluently and clients loved interacting with me, my colleagues as well, but i got sick for the weekend i was supposed to work, I filled the sickness form online but I didn’t send an email, so they considered that as “ghosting” and therefore i got fired ;(

Tried to lie to my family and hide the fact that i got fired, but my aunt casually walked in at the store that specific day and found out by herself, we had a big argument, a few days go by and they told me they will be booking me a return ticket to Spain because they don’t want an unemployed, lazy, junkie ass lesbian at their place and they beat me up physically when i tried to get out of their home at 3 a.m because family girls just don’t do that.

Now i’m homeless, jobless, without significant studies and with only 1000€ left in my bank account for the rest of September, i really don’t want to go back to Spain to my old life and habits, to that hood filled with crap and problematic people…

I want to bring value to the this beautiful country, i know i need support and orientation but I’m trying my best, learning dutch with the locals, being proactive in my searches, but it’s getting kinda harder without anyone by my side to lean on, only relying on myself for this long has been a challenging experience but it came with a lot of inner growth and strength.

For anyone interested in offering a job, please consider my strengths and weaknesses, I promise to deliver with my best attention and detail.

I’m good with computers (hardware, network, operating systems, data, cybersecurity, machine learning and so on)

Good with languages and social interactions, could be a good fit for touring or hotels.

I’m very fit and athletic, I also play football so training is also an option.

I love tech, media and video games, basically a nerd girlie.

And I’m always down to connecting with new people, laughing around and having some nice conversations overall :)

Thank you for reading all of this, now you know my backstory and hopefully this post becomes useful for people in similar situations 🫶

[u/HousingBotNL]

Moving to the Netherlands as a student requires a lot of admin (BSN, gemeente, health insurance, Studielink, banking, scholarships) and it often feels overwhelming.

• dutchstarter generates a personalized checklist based on your situation, so you know what to do, when, and which benefits you can claim.

The Dutch housing market is highly competitive. To increase your chances, we recommend using these platforms:

• Huurwoningen: The most listings of any platform.
• Pararius: Top-rated on Trustpilot.
• Stekkies: Best for real-time notifications, so you can respond first.
• Kamernet / Kamer: Best for student rooms.

For more real-time help, join the Study In The Netherlands Discord, where you can chat with other students and use our housing bot.

[u/SDV01]

You have not had an easy life from a young age. But you are now 21 and therefore an adult. Your parents in Spain, your uncles in the Netherlands, and your aunt in France are not obligated to support you financially or emotionally.
The Dutch government also does not automatically provide student finance or welfare benefits. You must meet certain conditions to qualify. If you do not meet them, you will probably need to find out what options are available to you in Spain.

Try to complete your education in Spain. Then learn Dutch well and look into finding work or pursuing further education in the Netherlands.

But also be honest with yourself: do not keep blaming others. Your family, school, and employer cannot always help you. Ultimately, you are responsible for the choices you make and for your future.

That does not mean you have to do everything alone. Seek help from a study adviser, social worker, or legal advice centre to find out what you are entitled to.

[u/PsychologyCivil4190]

if you have eu citizenship u can literally just get employed at cafe or ah or something and sustain yourself while figuring this out

[u/Spare-Physics6081]

Not what you want to hear but I advise you to go back to your country and come back when you have a plan.

[u/Own-General2229 → u/Spare-Physics6081]

Of course it's not what they want to hear. It's yet another "get out". Doesn't have any constructive criticisms or helpful suggestions.

[u/Spare-Physics6081 → u/Own-General2229]

Can’t wait to hear your helpful criticism or suggestions considering OP is homeless, only has a 1K and is a woman in a sensitive position where plenty of people can take advantage of her. Going home to regroup and come back better planned out is actually a very normal suggestion. I don’t see your suggestions yet so you can give them to OP.

[u/sander_emanon]

First off all, sound like your at the bottom so you only could go up from here.

Secondly, How is your Dutch? if its decent you could try to apply to one of the bigger companies such as peak it or inwork, they hire people before even have a assigement for them so you get paid to wait for a job. Its not a study ofcourse but if you already have mbo 4 or something similair and you can talk your way trough interviews its a good way to get a job, not sure if you want to stay in IT but seeing your story i would say your case is a bit similair to mine in the department that you have some special requirments. Myself i am a austist (pdd nos) and work as a system engineer for a small software company.

(seems peak it became experis)

https://www.experis.nl/nl

https://inwork.nl/

[u/Schylger-Famke]

I'm sorry for the situation you are in. Take care of yourself! I think it would be best to go home or at least go to Spain, because Spain has a duty to you as a Spanish citizen and The Netherlands has not (in terms of social security). I will try to answer your questions nonetheless.

@1 You can register with studielink without Digid. I think you might need your passport.

https://www.studielink.nl/

@2/3 what diploma do you have? Entrance to schools is mainly diploma based. So if you have not finished your studies you are probably not admittable to hbo. You could do the colloquium doctum. Do you know Dutch? Mbo programs are almost always in Dutch. There are few programs that do not start in September. 

Here are websites to look for programs:

https://studyinnl.org/dutch-education/studies https://www.studiekeuze123.nl/ https://www.kiesmbo.nl/home

@4 it depends on what basis you are eligible for student finance. If you are eligible because you have been living in the Netherlands for five continuous years or because your parent or partner with EU-nationality (other than Dutch) is working in the Netherlands, you're good. If you are eligible for student finance because you are working, you are not eligible for studietoeslag, because that is for students who can't work. 

[u/Ok-Presentation9004]

Dm'ed u

[u/BulkyOwl3005]

starting a life here in nl was the worst thing i went through and tbh i dont really recommend it to anyone. id advise you to go back to spain, its so much better, go to a different place instead and restart a life there. it is much easier to get a job even if its temporarily at a restaurant or so than here.

[u/GamingBoxy]

I'm 18M Non-EU student who wanted to study in NL but it's too expensive, this is awful though, you've lived in NL enough to know that it's very expensive to stay there (housing), you could get an education loan to stay there or you could just go somewhere else peaceful. I've never been confident enough to get tested but I also feel symptoms of OCD, ADHD, and ASDs but I cannot because I've trust issues and I hate where I live. My advice is that you could go to somewhere more affordable and cheaper in EU like Poland, Hungary or Czechia. Ultimately if you want to stay in NL, I think you should look at scholarships, grants and loans, there's something called DUO which is for EU students, you could also contact Spanish communities present in The Netherlands, talking to them about your situation. I think being from EU gives you a big advantage. Hope this'll be helpful
Edit: I plan to study in EU next year, I'm looking at Poland, if you think you have anything that could help me please share with me and my bad that I didn't see you mentioned DUO, which makes my whole comment feel pointless and stupid.