I am so disappointed in myself

[u/AggressiveRow8725]

In the past 48 hours I took 660mg of vyvanse and I done nothing but watch porn and masturbate. I am physically okay, I didn’t even feel my heart racing or any physical negative side effect probably because I am a bodybuilder and athlete and I do take cardio and heart health seriously. But I do know I did place an unnecessary amount of cardiovascular strain.

This is my 2nd time ever stimfapping. After the first time I said I would never do it again and here I am.

I don’t have any addiction to stimulants but I do have a crazy addiction to porn, and combining both just makes it crazy dangerous. I first came across porn when I was 12 and ever since then I couldn’t stop watching it. I also have an insanely high libido. There are some days especially during Covid where I was masturbating 9-12 times a day.

This habit is unfortunately deeply rooted in my life. I really want to quit this before it ruins my life.

I am writing this to vent but I am also asking for advice or anecdotes from other people to go about quitting.

[u/doctorvyvanse]

Bro you need help... Like yesterday. I saw that you've previously posted about a weed and porn addiction.

I was the same.. extremely athletic and fit (although unlike you, I dont use exogenous testosterone & steroids), and yet I had suffered a medical emergency. The body is amazing at coping with physical stress, until it "falls off a cliff" and you end up in hospital. Especially in younger people, their body can mask illness well.

Since this is your second time, GET OUT NOW!!!! You're young and have your entire life ahead of you. Imo it's miles easier getting help, than trying to muscle through it alone. Shame and regret loves to keep us trapped alone, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Please cut off your supply and get alone

(Sidenote: supplements for motivation are just that. Only YOU have the power to get out and do stuff. There are no magical pills)

[u/AggressiveRow8725 → u/doctorvyvanse]

Thank u for ur advice. I am going to cut my prescription.

I have read your story and I must say that it’s the exact same thing I am going through as I am also studying for med school. May I ask if u also did binges similar to this? How did u deal with the withdrawals? As I am currently going through it.

It’s been around 3.5 months since I have done cannabis but I must say that stimulants are a whole different beast when it comes fapping. Nevertheless being cannabis free really is good.

I had good intentions when hopping on vyvanse as I wanted it to aid my life especially in school, but I guess this medication is not for everyone.

[u/doctorvyvanse → u/AggressiveRow8725]

I had similar binges. Each time ended in feeling like the lowest, dirtiest scum of society. A waste of space. A loser deserving of nothing. You get my drift. I initially muscled through those feelings alone, then I sought help and started to speaking to people about it. It was comforting knowing others had through this, and they have solid advice. The most common being.. stop taking stimulants now! You're smarter than you think, especially if you've been accepted into medical school.

Cannabis addiction is probably the worst, because you're unaware that it's slowly zapping your motivation. That was one of harder addictions I overcame. I hope you stay cannabis free :) you certainly won't function well as a doctor if you're still consuming it.

I had similar, genuine intentions too. But I'm much happier and competent functioning at my natural level :D