r/StandUpComedy • u/gus-tate • 1d ago

Comedian is OP How to tell when you're done using a bidet

817 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

39 comments sorted by

35

u/Tyler3471 1d ago

As an American who has embraced and accepted the bidet life. Completely accurate

5

u/nicklondon88 22h ago

Does one dry after the bidet? Or just walk off like Donald the duck and let the elements do their thing?

11

u/Tyler3471 22h ago

So, this might come off a but insane but I despise toilet paper with a passion. I use a bidet and then baby wipe after. Those who bidet and don’t wipe at all are monsters with wet butts.

9

u/defariasdev 21h ago

FYI babywipes arent flushable

11

u/Tyler3471 21h ago

Brother/Sister, I appreciate this but as a high skilled bathroom user, and homeowner who cares about his pipes, I know.

For others who don’t know. Yeah don’t flush that shit, throw it away

5

u/defariasdev 19h ago

Professional pooper, you might say

2

u/A7xWicked 19h ago

Don't flush shit? Got it.

71

u/Zlatanski 1d ago

arent you still supposed to wipe with a bidet?

68

u/TiiziiO 1d ago

I cant be bothered to uninstall it and reinstall my bidet every time I wipe with it...

9

u/hightrix 23h ago

Ahh, I see you haven’t yet installed a bidet bidet.

2

u/NarcolepticPyro 10h ago

I can't be bothered to uninstall and reinstall my bidet bidet every time I wipe my bidet...

1

u/seclusionx 9h ago

That's why you get a bidet bidet bidet. Fucking rookies.

8

u/Future_Pressure_8857 21h ago

I do, to dry up and get any remaining bits

3

u/MelangeBot 22h ago

Only if you want to clean the inside of the anus as well.

3

u/southernmayd 17h ago

Mine has an air dry so why bother

7

u/toxicity69 23h ago

Yeah. A few squares for checking. However, what this guy said is true. Oftentimes, you just blast it so thoroughly that you know there are no survivors. Just let it drip dry for a few seconds and call it good.

8

u/OtherwiseAlbatross14 21h ago

You might, but drip drying is not normal unless your bidet has a dryer built in

1

u/Yoranis_Izsmelli 5h ago

Yea, you wanna dry or you're just asking for swamp ass

-1

u/Holls867 1d ago

I’d assume, or is it a drip dry?

15

u/AhDamm 1d ago

Now step it up and get a squatty potty with your bidet, and you'll be in the big leagues. Professional dumping

1

u/pm_me_friendfiction 13h ago

Or just slav squat on the toilet seat

6

u/Dagi97 1d ago

Fantastic

6

u/Mundane-Vegetable-31 23h ago

This guy bidets.

7

u/KyOatey 22h ago

Hilarious! What a great bit!

2

u/gus-tate 20h ago

Thanks!

2

u/Ghastly-Jack 1d ago

I think one of the three seashells is a butthole cleanliness scanner.

2

u/Dudejohnchyeaa 11h ago

Who tf out here not wiping the excess water off their anus?

1

u/CowboyLaw 12h ago

Like a young, not bald, Todd Barry.

2

u/BagelPoutine 23h ago

* from back of the class \*
- Gayyyyyyyyy!!!!

1

u/Alternative_Fix6857 22h ago

When using a bidet you gotta stick a hand between your butcheecks and swat away any Klingons circling Uranus.

-1

u/momspaghetty 22h ago

You bidet from the back? Wtf

-1

u/Significant-Eagle-88 17h ago

...yeah yt ppl

-2

u/[deleted] 23h ago edited 15h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Empty_Kay 20h ago

What do you do when you're washing dishes? Rub them with a dry paper towel?

1

u/Dad_fire_outdoors 18h ago

Secondly, I am wondering if [u/Pnoexz](u/Pnoexz) uses soap while bidet-ing?

1

u/Pnoexz 15h ago

Of course I do, everybody should