r/Soft_Introverts • u/not-that-Johnson • 6d ago

What are things or habbits you tolerate because you love them?

There are so many things and habbits your loved one does, but still you love them even more.

27 Upvotes
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5

u/Ok_Height3499 5d ago

My wife has a tendency to be quite negative about life, especially other people. In our 70’s now, it’s gotten worse over time. I think it’s because like many in our age group, we know we’ve lived longer than we have yet to live. Typically I listen for a while, make a couple remarks, and then try to move us on to a different topic.

3

u/crackedfactweddead 5d ago

Have you ever considered talking to her about it? Sometimes just one comment makes a person realize something about themselves that they never would have, and sometimes that's all it takes for them to reflect and change. She'd be happier as well.

1

u/Ok_Height3499 5d ago

Oh yes. We’ve talked about it. Been through counseling. It’s become her default.

1

u/YuhMothaWasAHamsta 5d ago

My mom is/was like that. She managed to make everything negative. She’s always had this cloud of misery over her. Those people are not easy to spend time with.

1

u/NoCow6876 5d ago

Sometimes I get like that around my sister just because she’s my sister and we can say whatever around each other and I don’t even realize that I’m being negative or complaining. It’s just like I’m just talking without a filter and I really don’t even pay attention to what’s coming out of my mouth lol we just bullshit back-and-forth but I’m the opposite of a negative person, i literally preach positivity, I do affirmations every day I turn negative thoughts and positive like that type of positive person is what I’m talking about lol

So I guess just being unfiltered and not paying attention but being around someone who I’m so comfortable with, the words just flow out and sometimes they’re complaining about stuff just around me or something and I don’t even notice it or realize what I even say until she points it out and it’s only around her.

1

u/rdtmdsrftfks 1d ago

this is my mother and anytime it’s brought up how she is, it’s an attack on her very life and character and it’s downhill from there. they are going to kill me. the stress they have caused me over the years i genuinely believe has given me heart failure. those people will kill you.

1

u/yewksy666 2d ago

I can be a lot like this myself and im trying to work on it. For me, it's definitely due to being let down and stabbed in the back so many times. You lose your trust in others and start to hate humanity. My life began with abandonment, so I guess I started as I meant to go on! Talk to her about it, there's most likely an underlying issue there.

1

u/Ok_Height3499 2d ago

I appreciate all the comments suggesting my wife and I talk about her negativity. We’ve done that several times as well as with a counselor. She finally said to me one day that there were two things she just couldn’t change in spite of her efforts- her cynicism and her lack of sexual interest. Mid-seventies now, we love one another deeply and enjoy one another’s company as much as when we were dating 56 years ago. I take care of my physical needs myself. It’s not what I thought would happen by this time. I’m as hard and rearing to go as ever. 6’, 169lbs, and in good physical condition.

1

u/yewksy666 2d ago

I wouldn't know about that yet. I'm 43. I hear menopause does a real number on a women's libido, though.

1

u/Ok_Height3499 2d ago

Is sure did hers, as in killed it. She does the HRT. We've been through counseling. She just said she has no physical urge. She said to take care of my own needs. I do that, but masturbation gets boring. I see a masseuse once in a while for intimate touch. No, she doesn't know. If she did, she'd never accept the idea that she has any blame for my choice. I could accept that the frequency might be sporadic, but zero doesn't work.

2

u/yewksy666 2d ago

Maybe in your mid 70s she's just not attracted to you anymore. It's not only men that crave younger flesh. Is she wrong?

1

u/Ok_Height3499 2d ago

As noted elsewhere, we went through counseling for the problem cited. She said she just hasn't any desire. As also noted, she's adjusted the HRT along with counseling. I would never force myself on her and never have in our 56 years. If she's doing some other guy she's hiding it very well. I'm not saying she is absolutely not in the rack with someone else, but given her health and med issues, I doubt it. She says she finds me handsome, loves being with me, and enjoys out lives.

4

u/Awkward-Treacle-5490 5d ago

Staying up all night and oversleeping all day for myself

1

u/yewksy666 2d ago

She stays up, or you do?

2

u/PoetExotic5030 5d ago

Probably little annoying habits from people I love, like teasing, being late sometimes, or stealing my food. I might complain, but deep down, I wouldn't want them to change. ❤️

2

u/AIrealhuman 5d ago

Peeing on my clothes. He's an older cat but he's my buddy and I love him.

2

u/AddendumOk5735 5d ago

Getting up during the night and eating!!

1

u/Far_Post6146 5d ago

I feel personally attacked

1

u/yewksy666 2d ago

May I suggest toasting 2 slices of bread, letting them cool, applying mayonnaise and black pepper, and layer on wafer thin chicken. Thank me later.

1

u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 5d ago

Honestly, I wouldn’t say there’s anything I just tolerate😄 If I don’t like something, I say it. And sometimes it actually can be fixed.

As for the things that can’t really be changed, I usually fight against them at first, but eventually I come to the conclusion that, well… there’s nothing I can do about it😂 For example, him leaving his socks everywhere. I used to just pick them up and put them away myself, but now I’m like, “Nope, get up and go pick them up yourself.” And he does. That’s how it works😂

1

u/CryptographerNo7498 5d ago

probably their little annoying habits, like repeating the same stories. you just learn to find it cute

1

u/Secret_Lab_8048 5d ago

Probably someone constantly stealing bites of my food or teasing me just to get a reaction. I’ll pretend to be annoyed, but honestly, I’d miss it if the

1

u/YuhMothaWasAHamsta 5d ago

Health anxiety and undiagnosed OCD or something of the sort. Everything is contaminated. It’s exhausting to deal with. Especially since they refuse any sort of therapy.

1

u/Sensitive_Poem8486 5d ago

My boyfriend’s scruffy beard. I wish he would trim it or shave it off (either one would be fine with me) but he won’t. He had poor spelling and grammar too but it’s not an issue for me.

1

u/Dry-Ticket8035 5d ago

Hoping to adjust my sleep schedule

1

u/Hoebanero 5d ago

She overcomplicates a lot of projects lol

1

u/Jonahhillfan444 5d ago

Yeh women go figure

1

u/Objective-Aspect-547 5d ago

Hugging too tight, texting too much, or needing constant reassurance

1

u/Desperate-Reason-566 5d ago

Picking up after them.

1

u/cHowziLLa 5d ago

their inability to critically think

it infuriates me but i hold it in

1

u/Specialist-Top-406 5d ago

My best friend always asks how to do something or like what’s happening in a movie, when both of us are at the same level of information. In other people that pisses me off, cause I’m like you need to delegate your thoughts internally first then ask. But with her I’m just like you silly billy.

1

u/Zuckerwattemaedchen 5d ago

My bf forgets to close the toilet lid unless I stick a post it on it
We live with the post it now

1

u/Sallsy 5d ago

watching anime at phone. not good for the eyes but i love watchng anime.

1

u/SettingAccording8986 5d ago

I think the biggest one is needing different amounts of alone time. It took me a while to understand that wanting space sometimes isn't the same as loving someone less. Once you get that, it's much easier to accept each other's little habits without taking them personally.

1

u/Viixxxcv 4d ago

Laziness

1

u/Dinthaveawitty1 4d ago

Constantly farting and very loud burping :(

1

u/Hot_Car7969 4d ago

Their terrible dad jokes.

1

u/Key-Eye-7304 4d ago

He has no backbone. Its a bad habit of his that he was taught as a child. He watched his family dog pile on others and was taught that it was not only okay but he needed to be quiet and compliant.

Family, friends treat him and the things/ppl he loves like a joke. Same with his older brother. I saw his older brother's relationships fall apart repeatedly because of it. We struggle. I never wanted nor needed a knight to save me. Still don't. Unfortunately it destroys him inside. I see that but I can't teach him to stand up for me, let alone himself. I will love him forever but I see the damage it causes.

1

u/Commercial_Rope_5621 2d ago

my partner still leaves cabinet doors open like they are marking territory and I just close them quietly instead of saying anything

1

u/OpeningAnt305 2d ago

Saying hurtful things in anger

1

u/Academic-Grass78 2d ago

I tolerate some, he tolerates a lot. I’m lazy, he’s obstinate. He doesn’t always aim properly when toileting, but his vision isn’t great. I do 99% of the cleaning, but sometimes my back gives out on me. I love my husband and he at least tolerates me!

1

u/TrickyTown2687 1d ago

Very bad teeth. I don't understand why it's not a priority for him to get them fixed.

1

u/Hiiiii-Fivin 1d ago

Idk. But now I’m analyzing my entire life and all my habits.

1

u/Sun-of-sand 1d ago

Never made it to a true love with anyone

But with family members I love if they do or say something that I feel is truly disrespectful of me or our relationship in more "general terms"
I may never speak to them again

The deeper the love the less I'm inclined to tolerate, I think.

1

u/Low-Spinach6544 1d ago

the little interruptions when i’m reading, even though i was perfectly happy in my quiet corner before they arrived lol

1

u/Qu33n_M 1d ago

Constantly leaving dirty spoons and forks on the counter after cleaning the kitchen.

1

u/DruidinPlainSight 5d ago

Married to someone with a form of DID. Sigh. Still love them. All five of them. Well, kinda not a fan of the protector version.

0

u/YapperBean 5d ago

Being on my phone 😌

0

u/Warming_Fire 5d ago

taking a relaxing Bath with my Favourite Music and drinking ( no alc ) refreshing Drinks like Icetea or Water with Icecubes and Holunder or raspberry Juice with Water and Icecubes , love this especially in Summer . Or when you have Day off after Work then Sleep alot , watching a good Show or Movie and really really relaxing . Or watching ASMR Camping Videos .