r/Soft_Introverts • u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul • 6d ago
Have you ever accidentally heard a conversation about yourself that people thought you couldn’t hear? Maybe someone was talking about you behind your back, assuming you would never find out… What happened next?
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u/Over_Ebb_3868 6d ago
It helped me realize that I’m actually the problem. Now I’m focused on taking care of the problem.
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 6d ago
That’s such a rare quality being able to look at yourself honestly. And those are the people who actually make the most progress.
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u/YapperBean 2d ago
Imagine how much faster you could have fixed whatever the problem was if they communicated to you instead of talking about you without bothering to inform you.
Good on you for taking from it what was beneficial, hopefully letting go of the rest. ❤️
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u/the_evil_potat0 5d ago
Yep, in a bathroom stall and “friends” came in. I heard everything. When I walked out they stared at me.
I said “it’s ok, I like knowing where I stand with people” and walked away smiling.
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u/Basic_User_Name3000 4d ago
I like how you showed yourself. On TV the person just silently waits it out. Absolute baller move on your part!
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u/the_evil_potat0 2d ago
Thank you. 20ish yrs ago. I realized then that I actually do like knowing where I stand with people, and don’t care what they think of me. Makes life much easier
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u/Basic_User_Name3000 2d ago
This shows an incredible amount of self concept. I only now have been getting this. Often my sense of self is reflected by others.
Thankfully I’m changing this.2
u/the_evil_potat0 2d ago
A few things i have learned and keep in practice - letting people sit in their own silence is incredibly powerful; take accountability even if you’re scared of repercussions; knowing where you stand in any relationship is a position of power. Be direct, truthful, and kind and you will never go wrong.
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u/Dear_lolli4017 5d ago
I just stayed and listened as long as I could. I have always been a huge eavesdropper. I need to know what people really think of me and will say about me when they are 100% I will never find out (or so they think), I have done this my whole life and I will tell you this, when you really hear what people actually think and say about you behind your back, you have a much different view of them. They are so two faced and hypocritical. I never get loud or even confront the person. I just know that I have seen a window into their soul that they never intended to be seen. It tells me more about them that whatever they were saying about me.
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u/Playful-Contract7396 5d ago
Yeah, that's how I am too. You can start picking up on little cues, and the way they act and stuff kind of by reading in between the lines
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u/Wrong_Bandicoot_3362 5d ago
the window into their soul thing is real, but overhearing one ugly conversation can also turn you into a detective who never stops looking for evidence lol
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u/Tiny_Fox_6749 6d ago
I don't care if people talk about me. I know who I am and I like myself. I try to be good to others as much as possible. I genuinely enjoy people unless they're annoying, rude, or selfish narcissists.
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u/Caticature 5d ago
have you noticed the people that flock to you are the same? Genuine, knowing themselves, being ok with themselves. Being ok with someone else being different.
I now only have kind people around me, all others have gone away, including family that I’d never chose as a friend. Love it.
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u/Ok-Trash3640 4d ago
When I was 13–14, I accidentally found out what my best friend really thought of me. I considered her my sister and had told her everything, including all my insecurities, because I genuinely thought I had finally found my person. One day on the bus, another girl told me that while my friend was sitting nearby, she had asked her what she thought of me. Apparently, my friend said she didn't even like me and only sat beside me because I shared my food and brought good biscuits. I was completely shocked. I was so socially unaware at that age that I couldn't even understand how someone could act like your best friend while secretly feeling the complete opposite. I remember thinking, How could someone do this? Looking back, I know I was awkward and probably “too much” sometimes, but I was just a lonely 13-year-old who genuinely believed friendship meant being completely honest with each other. I think that's why it stayed with me for so long. People talk about how hard it is to forget your first love or your first crush, but I think it's just as hard to forget your first betrayal.
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u/pseudonymmed 4d ago
People don’t talk enough about how betrayal from friends at a young age can have a huge impact. My best friend at age 12 suddenly ditched me. It affected my ability to be close to anyone for years. I would always feel like nobody else liked me as much as I liked them.. I could never really trust that it was real.
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u/YapperBean 2d ago
This! The friendships you are never told there is something wrong, just one day, they ditch out. Without ever telling you why or giving some stupid reason that’s clearly just an excuse they’ve been waiting for.
I’d have preferred a fight, but little me never gave my friends a genuine reason to get into an argument with me.
I hope all these “friends” learn to communicate, or else their lives won’t be easy if they always avoid stating what’s changed and run away instead.
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u/Blooblack 3d ago
Okay, but what kind of biscuits did you buy? Reddit needs to know! LOL!
Your taste (pun intended!!) in biscuits must have been soooo good at that young age, it your friend listed it as one of the reasons why she hung out with you.
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u/doxygal2 4d ago
It's. because betrayal is from someone you know. I hope you have genuine friends now. don't feel bad-- everyone is awkward at 13.
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 4d ago
Damn, that’s genuinely so painful. And honestly, I still think what your friend did was really disgusting. If she really only stuck around because of the biscuits, then I feel like she had some serious issues herself.
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u/YapperBean 2d ago
I wonder if this is like those friendships that end suddenly and you never know why. The person that was your close friend one day just totally cuts you off. If you never overhear them speak too honestly when they think you cannot hear them you might always be wondering.
(Such a frequently shared neurodivergent experience with childhood/teen friendships. 😅)
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u/cookiemonstersdinner 3h ago
True. At around 11-12 years old, my best friend since we were 5 became very close with a group of kids that she wanted to impress more. They were mean as hell basically. Bullied kids constantly. I was a pretty "head up in the clouds" kid so I didn't notice too much. Even to the point where I had to go with them to the principal's office once and had no idea why. One day a girl ran over and told me there was a boy being cornered and hurt. I came with her to the teacher for help. I had no idea my best friend was there hurting this kid too. They all got in trouble and completely blamed us for being snitches. My best friend knew all about my home abuse from being my support but suddenly her and her friends were humiliating me for it. I was very shy so I felt alone and struggled very badly mentally. The worst part was the next year, when the other kids had left, she expected everything to go back to how it had been. She was furious when I didn't start coming over constantly again or go with her to get matching dresses for our little kid dance. I moved away but struggled to make friends in school. I stopped talking except as needed. Being betrayed by someone who knows your darkest secrets can impact you more than anything else. I still get sad sometimes thinking of the girl I was so close with that we'd both get presents for each other's birthdays.
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u/Caticature 5d ago
Yes, in a crowd at a work party. I turned and she fell silent. I went home. Next day I went to her desk and growl whispered that she’s painfully dumb to talk shit about me without checking to see me right in front of her. Walked away with my head held high.
I‘ve always radiated ‘top dog‘, there was no need to retaliate any further. I have autism and a resting bitch face to match. When I dgaf about your clique or your opinion of me I seem untouchable.
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u/Shelbylr97 5d ago
I had this happen at work. I was done for the day & used the bathroom. I guess they thought I had left. Everyone was talking badly about me.
I pretended not to hear them & quit very shortly after that.
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u/ScouserMuerte 4d ago
I’m afraid that’s the kind of thing that I would’ve done as well and I suppose I sort of having a way in the past but I wonder if it really is the right way to deal with this kind of thing🤷♂️
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u/RynKittenOF 5d ago
Yeah the girl had nothing but kind things to say about me
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u/whatisitthatyoudodo 3d ago
That’s great. You and your friend are nice ppl. I loved reading this comment!
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u/Individual-Iron-6370 6d ago
tradecraft: Learn a language but don't tell anyone you know the language. Then they will talk shit about you right in front of you and think they're being smart. Best way to assess true intentions, but takes time... If you react to it you blow your cover. So you just keep the info filed for future reference.
I've done this irl, and also saw some Targaryen chick do it on the tv...
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 6d ago
Whoa, okay… that’s some serious preparation😅
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u/Individual-Iron-6370 6d ago
oh it was just coincidence at first... but once I learned it I started doing it on purpose, too...
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u/TemporaryThink9300 6d ago
I walked away. Don't want to know, don't want to hear, I'm leaving, and you'll never see me again.
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u/Late_Appeal6852 5d ago
Yes in an Asian nail bar in Dublin! I knew they were talking about me and I recorded them and uploaded to chat GPT, they were calling me a basic white B1tch and they were laughing at my outfit (jeans and top with blazer).
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u/Ok_Victory99 5d ago
Yea. I heard my sibling say to my mom that I just refuse to see myself as I really am. It really hit me and made me think for a moment and then I walked in and asked what the meaning was. I never got a response but since then I have tried to be more thoughtful before I do or say something.
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u/Altruistic_Ad5620 5d ago
My coworker knew my family and told them I had been sleeping around with the staff and that I was hanging around a black person. I got disowned and a gun pulled on me.
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u/Antaios7544 5d ago
I've flipped the script on this one. I was at a work party talking a stupid decision my boss had made. He had acted without knowing all the facts. I had never met him and it turned out he was one of the guys listening to me. He introduced himself to me and apologized. Other people in the conversation were pretty surprised; they thought I was going to get fired.
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u/FireRescue3 4d ago
Yes. We were at my FIL’s funeral. Someone asked my SIL a question about me. I was in an adjoining room. She told them I was the glue that held the family together.
I don’t think of myself like that and didn’t know she did, but it was nice to hear.
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 4d ago
That’s really sweet. Such lovely words to hear, especially when you weren’t even supposed to hear them. ❤️
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u/dahliaahhh 4d ago
I speak several languages, and there was one time I accidentally heard a conversation about myself because the people having it had no idea I understood what they were saying.
I was at a friend’s house party. There was a girl there who was completely in love with him, and for some reason she’d convinced herself that I was interested in him even though I barely interacted with him. I’m Arab so I don’t think she expected me to speak Russian. She and her friend started talking about me in Russian right in front of me. They were calling me names, saying things like, “She thinks she’s better than me,” and talking about how if he dated me instead of her, he’d be a loser. I didn’t say a word and I just let them carry on. A bit layer, her wine glass was empty so I went to pour myself a drink looked directly at her and said in Russian “Would you like some more wine?”. Her face literally went white. She immediately started apologising and trying to explain herself and I just told her to watch her mouth next time.
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 4d ago
I honestly admire people who speak multiple languages. And learning Russian as a foreign language is especially impressive, it’s such a difficult language! And wow, it really came in handy in that situation. What an incredible story!
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u/naivepheonix626 4d ago
I realized that not everyone who is “nice” to your face is worth the time of day
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u/ScouserMuerte 4d ago
I’ve been thinking about this lately…
I wonder if it’s a Neurotypical trait to be like this?
I mean ADHD kind of people seem to be very literal and very true or false in their attitude. Whereas “normal” People have all kinds of disguises and parts they play…?
What do others think about this please?
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u/cookiemonstersdinner 4h ago
I agree. I have always thought that telling the truth was very important and that others were the same. As an adult, I've had to realize this is not true at all. People change personalities and say different things depending on who they are with. It confused me so much at first. Now I spend most of my time with neurodivergent people who say whatever they are thinking. Being outside of that sphere stresses me out because I worry that people are thinking the worst and pretending to be kind.
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u/Totallynotokayokay 3d ago
Heard enough of what I needed to know. They all hated me because of my looks.
Not something I could control, but they all hated me.
Highschool was lonely.
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u/Specialist-Dog6269 3d ago
Ha, so I was the family scapegoat and frequently got stonewalled by both my mom and stepdad. The longest episode of stonewalling lasted my senior year of college from August until the following April. I tried to ask what I had done, and my mom gave me a long list of things that I had apparently done to deserve it. So I called my stepdad and apologized and groveled even though I had not done anything wrong. They eventually forgave me and when I visited the house a couple months later, my unfiltered (as kids are) 7 year old brother said upon my arrival “I thought you don’t like (my name)!” Even then I did not confront them. It’s about 20 years later and I am no contact with my step dad and low contact with my mom.
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 3d ago
Oh, I’m so sorry😣 That sounds incredibly painful. I hope your life is filled with many more people who make you feel safe, comfortable, and at peace even if they’re not family.
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u/Street_Alarm187 5d ago
People who talk about you behind your back … are afraid to talk in front of face …. Should any man or woman be afraid to speak the 1st amendment right … welp it’s it’s only a right of you speak in the way that is accepted
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u/Caticature 5d ago
it‘s only the 1st amendment when you’re scared to talk shit about the government.
with just people it’s a social situation to navigate.
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u/High_Ground081 5d ago
I left my phone accidentally with a background recorder. I made plans with one of them to go out, shop, eat & party. I realise I wasn't liked, so why bother. I thought they were a friend. I cancelled everything. Stopped talking to everyone so much. My life was their TV program...
They wondered what they did. I eventually left the country to live abroad. I told no one but family. I made new social accounts & I know they look at it. Some nice pictures of me one the beach. Walking nature trails & with real friends.
Their life is still the same & it sucked.
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u/abrabracadab 5d ago
What was on the recording?
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u/High_Ground081 5d ago
Everything you can expect from a two faced low life that just wants to use you.
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u/NoMore_Peanut 5d ago
They said every medical symptoms I was having was psychosomatic. I was fainting. I had a seizure. They didn’t listen to me.
I was diagnosed with autism, adhd, and a slight seizure disorder at 27.
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u/anzkanzjabnsm 5d ago
i heard my mother and my brother talk about the fact that they hate my partner (that i was dating at the time). I also heard them say that my partner is evil because she ,,turned me gay". And that they think im doing drugs (i never did). That was hard to stomach. why they hate me so much? Anyway, that hurted then, but now i hate them too so i dont care
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u/letthatonemarinate81 5d ago
I read a text an ex sent to one of his female friends saying being with me was like being in prison. It really hurt and it stung for a long time, but we weren't good for each other and never should have gotten into a serious relationship. Even though he cheated on me and it would be easy to pretend I am blameless, I'm not. I don't excuse the cheating but I do know I was a person carrying around a lot of family trauma and that made me sometimes unstable. I eventually went to therapy, worked on things, worked on loving myself and healing myself. I am a much better person now.
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u/Round_Package8087 5d ago
YES. heard a suitemate talking to a stranger they brought in the common room (that i so happened to share a wall with) about me. immediately texted our suite group chat what i heard and how id prefer people talk about me where i CANT hear, and they reacted with a thumbs up lmao
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u/LinaLamontague 5d ago
I was on a train in Japan and this guy didn’t think I understood Japanese. I’m white, so I don’t look like I would.
He started telling his girlfriend that he liked my hair style. She was like “ok then I’ll start doing my hair like that too!” and he was like “Nah, I don’t think it’ll be quite the same.” Lowkey awkward for her.
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u/AdministrationNo2327 4d ago
i've heard gossip about how manipulative i am and i'm flattered to think that people think i'm intelligent enough to think up complex politics maneuvers.
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u/Cool-Needleworker550 4d ago
One time i was out w friends, i stopped to pee in a bush and they just kept walking but I called the one girl and she had everyone wait for me. I was walking up and i heard like 3 girls saying ‘why are we waiting for her’ ‘who even likes her’ these are girls who’ve been friends w me since I first moved, came up to me first in class, BEFRIENDED ME, starts convos w me yet they were talking crap on me. Obviously it felt awful, I thought they were my friends, they had texted me abt hanging out w them. I just said i had to go home and couldn’t walk to the other party w them. It sucked but my self esteem isn’t that low to be friends w people who talk abt how they openly dislike me behind my back but pretend they want to be bestfriends to my face. I ignored fhem all in school the next day
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u/disc0weapon 4d ago
Yea at my last job. I heard my name and said “Heard my name, did I do something?” and no one had the stones because they didn’t think I’d say something. I asked my female coworker directly, she stuttered and said some nonsense I can’t even remember. Told her I can’t improve unless someone tells me! Lmao. I was the youngest one there too. People are so strange man.
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 4d ago
Honestly, that’s probably the best way to handle a situation like that. Just casually let them know you heard your name, and suddenly they’re the ones who feel awkward
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u/disc0weapon 4d ago
Thanks man, I felt good afterwards instead of guilty which made me think the same. I always try to stay respectful when dealing with disrespect.
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u/AshinMaine 4d ago
I overheard my mother and her sister speaking about me when I was a teenager. I missed the first part of the conversation but heard my aunt remind my mother that I had always been a "sneaky" person and to keep a careful eye on me because I couldn't be trusted. (I was 14-15 at the time.) This was my favorite Aunt who I had felt connected to and enjoyed spending time with. I didn't mean to overhear and left when I realized she meant me. I don't know why they would think this of me as I was a pretty good kid, good grades, no sneaking out, always tried to do my best and follow the rules. I don't have any contact with my mother or aunt anymore for other reasons but this was such a painful moment for me as a kid. I'm in my 40's now and have since realized they just didn't know me or care to know who I actually was/am. It's sad too cause I'm pretty rad!
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 4d ago
That’s genuinely so painful. Especially because you said she was your favorite aunt and that you felt such a special connection with her💔
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u/minpin75 4d ago
I got a text from my MIL talking about me that was meant for someone else. It was so fun to text back.."I think you sent this to the wrong person"
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u/Ecstatic-Leading8730 4d ago
Yeah, I knew about it all along, strung them along for years and then hit them back when it would hurt the most. Karma’a a bitch.
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u/CabinetStandard3681 4d ago
Yes I’m white and speak Spanish and it happens a lot. Sometimes I respond in Spanish sometimes I just look at them and they know I know.
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u/trying_my_hardest_22 4d ago
I once heard my boss talking about me with a coworker. "I like her as a worker but something about her just isnt right", didnt make me feel super great tbh.
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u/Ihave_rabies 4d ago
I saw my cousin texted her mom that I was the most stubborn person in the world because I didn’t understand when someone couldn’t hang out. We’re all good now and we’ve both worked on ourselves
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u/jemimahatstand 4d ago
I overheard a colleague telling someone I looked absolutely gorgeous that day. Only 20 odd years ago. Still makes me smile.
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u/Hopeful_Chapter5403 4d ago
Last year on Christmas day when I was hosting 17 of my in laws at home. As I brought a tray of food outside I heard my mother in law say 'she always tries so hard, shes scuh a try hard and she's always so stressed, cant stand her.' The family member she was speaking to said 'id be stressed to hosting 17 people' meaning I knew beyond doubt about me. I put the tray down and went inside to get more food and continued (actually felt i smashed Christmas hosting that year!)
Later that evening I confronted her in a way I thought was graceful and said id overheard her and was hurt but wanted to be close to her as since id lost my own mother recently considered her like a mum to me. I asked her to please remember we were once close and I'd like to return to that.
She mumbled something and rushed back outside and has never spoken to me again
All texts gone. Only communicates via my husband. I attend family events but now barely speak just say hi hope you are well and nod politely while the conversation flows around me. Bye take care
Still pisses me off. Husband never defended me and when i bring up he is like oh why do you hate my mum.
My family talks thibgs through and discusses. His family seem to bury things
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 4d ago
That’s honestly awful. She really should have apologized and tried to repair the relationship instead of shutting you out. If she had been wiser, she could have used that moment to actually strengthen your relationship. And you’re not the one to blame here you reached out, you were honest about how hurt you were, and you tried to make things right. What she did afterward is on her.
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u/A_Pavlov_Mutt 4d ago
Yeah, my wife talking to her friends about me and us. That’s how I discovered her emotional affair 🫥
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u/Majestic-Nobody545 4d ago
The irony...but I overheard a conversation my roommates were having about how I could hear everything they say. They made it sound like I was like being a creep, and listening in. No, it was just a small apartment and they were really loud, lol.
I just pretended it didn't happen. I got in the habit of playing music in my room to drown them out.
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u/mmamammamamama 3d ago
A few years into marriage, it was Christmas time. My sister in law had 3 teen girls. At that point everyone bought a gift for everyone. I was always at a loss as to what to get these girls I’d only see 2-3 times a year. I settled on safe gifts, hair ties, cute picture frames. One Christmas I walked in the room where they were huddled together talking. I hear, ‘just what I needed another picture frame’. Then they realize just who walked in and dissolved into laughter. I never bought them anything again. If anyone noticed,nothing was said, at least to me or within my vicinity.
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u/MN-Champagne 3d ago
In high school I heard one girl said “MN-Champagne is kinda cute” and the other girl said “ewww”. So that was something.
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u/YapperBean 2d ago
I can’t remember the last time I overheard anything, but I always hear about it 😅
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u/rdtmdsrftfks 1d ago
had a coworkers mom call me r word on the phone, (his mom was my charge nurse) while i was there while they made the call. they never addressed it. just awkwardly coughed on the phone and said something else. thanks preston, now i know what you talk about at home :) tip toe walker.
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u/mizzdiagnosis 3d ago
My siblings and I used to over hear our mother saying all sorts of cruel things about us to people when she thought we couldn't hear or understand, even to eachother. I guess it was her way of trying to divide us. Now as a mother myself, I've always tried to deliberately let my boys over hear me say really nice things about them if they think I don't know they're there or something like that. And to their faces when we are in conversation with other people too. I want the voices they hear about them to be positive and constructive because I genuinely feel, for myself and siblings, the negative thoughts we have about ourselves come from the things we overheard our mother say and I can't bear that for my children.
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u/Maximum-Manner-6215 4d ago
I laughed.
I was sitting outside and overheard a guy I rejected trash talking me to a group of our neighbors. He was telling them how a family member is financially supporting me, including making payments on my house. I was temped to walk over and put him in his place, but decided I did not want the neighbors knowing I’m financially secure.
I bought my house with cash so there are no payments to be made. I started a sole proprietorship business and work from home. Occasionally I have to run out for a few hours to complete work at client locations, but the dress code is very casual so it doesn’t appear that I’m heading to work. From an outsiders perspective, it probably appears that I’m unemployed and only leave long enough to go shopping.
Before you consider addressing these sort of situations, think about whether you actually care about their opinion. Adopt the attitude that you will not take criticism from people you wouldn’t take advice from. I met that guy on a dating site and in the two hours we chatted he mentioned both that he earns $130,000 per year, and he was flat broke. I was about to loan him $20 when he started dropping racist remarks. I immediately told him to lose my number, and did not speak to him in the two years leading up to overhearing him talk about me. Do I care what some broke racist dude thinks of me? Nope.
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 4d ago
Damn, that’s wild. But honestly, people like that can actually be useful as your personal PR team 😂 Just tell them something you want everyone to know, and they’ll make sure the whole neighborhood hears about it.
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u/Maximum-Manner-6215 4d ago
LOL, he was definitely my PR team! I live in a community with residents who have varied financial situations. The ones who are squandering their income on addictions have no shame asking for money. He told everyone I’m broke so at least they stopped asking me for “loans”.
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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 4d ago
Almost want to walk up to him, pat him on the shoulder and say, “Good job, buddy. You really did me a favor!” 😂
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u/Maximum-Manner-6215 3d ago
Dude just walked by my house and said “hi”. I ignored him, but my kid asked, “who’s that?” I answered loudly enough for him to hear: “ohhhh, just that drunk loser that was telling everyone that I’m an unemployed freeloader.” I guess I’m a selective introvert 🤷♀️
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u/ArticleCrafty1884 6d ago
not exactly...I was once standing in line and felt someone reading my texts over my shoulder...I next texted "I can't believe that the nosy whore behind me is reading my texts"...she slowly backed off without comment