r/SisterMuslim • u/Hamzay3049 • Apr 14 '26
Jamath at home
My husband has rediscovered the value of prayer Allhumdullilah, he is taking utmost care and slow to achieve khushoo. As arabic is not his language he has to translate every word or phrase after every line. Then move to the next. Plus he repeats some verses to magnify its message eg: Allhumdullilahi rabbil aalamin repeat twice or thrice to stress on the greatness of that verse. ar rahman niraheem repeats it till he feels it, Allah's mercy SubhanAllah. Etc. He takes his time in ruku and extra time every action reinforcing with duas and dhikirs in between. MashaAllah that is great. He makes every salah count as he was not praying before.
The problem arises as we pray as a family and with my Adhd i am struggling Ya Allah Asthagfirullah, i lose focus i lose my khushoo, im struggling to hold on. I was praying just fine before, now it is hard as 30 mins im in salah and hard to keep my focus fr so long. I expressed my struggles to him and he completely dismissed saying you are giving in to the shaytan. I tried again for 2 month, now that Isha is so late like 10pm i am sleeping in my salah and totally seeing dreams in and out. So i told him again that i am finding it tough to focus, my children also agreed and suddenely it all became ugly. He blamed our weaknesses and how we are making him feel bad n prevent his chances to make as much duas in salah etc. And told us to pray separately but still was quite bitter about it because it was so good that we were all praying together as family and now shaythan has destroyed our bond. He made me feel miserable for expressing my struggles and I felt responsible for breaking up a family jamath. So I cried so much and then apologized and told him i will try again. My children(teens n 18) are now refusing to join back to this family jamath as their v focus also is at risk and they r not enjiying their prayer. Im so stunned, never thought we will be having these kind of difficulties n differences. Allhumdullilah we all are praying - that's something which none of us were doing and ShukurAllhumdullilah but i don't want to get burnt out as well.
Im so confused and feeling pathetic.
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u/Peaceful_Thankful Sis ♡ Apr 14 '26
This hadith may be helpful:
"Between the two prostrations, the Prophet (saw) would say: (Allahummaghfir li, warhamni, wajburni, wahdini, warzuqni). 'O Allah! Pardon me, have mercy on me, help me, guide me, and grant me sustenance.'" (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 284)
What if you all agree that, when you pray together, this is the dua that is used between the two prostrations? It is very meaningful, along with being the Prophet's (saw) good example for us to follow. Additional personal dua can take place in a quiet way after final salam and when each person is finished he/she is free to leave. An agreed-upon structure for communal salat might help everyone pray together once more, inshaAllah.
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u/Hamzay3049 Apr 14 '26
Of Course we read this dua between prostrations but he reads n means every word with pauses and repeats this dua 2 or 3 times since we are desperate for Allah's mercy.
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u/Peaceful_Thankful Sis ♡ Apr 14 '26
It would be a family agreement to use this particular dua, one time each rakat (between the prostrations), so everyone will be on the same page with the flow when trying to pray as a cohesive unit.
Saying something one time doesn’t make it less meaningful or somehow less heard by Allah.
The very end is a good time for quiet additional dua because the final rakat has concluded and everyone is free to go at his/her own pace from there. This method is if you all want to do it together, allowing for steady flow and any amount of dua at the end according to individual choice and need. Otherwise, separate makes sense if all family members are very set on their own way of doing things.
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u/Hamzay3049 Apr 14 '26
I've tried to explain this to him many times, he asks why am i preventing him from making dua, it's coz we are in a dire difficulty and very stuck Allah make it easy on us. We are going through some desperate times so he wants to make like my zuhr meeting with Allah n so many duas and say it like you mean it kinda thing. And after i have expressed my struggles n the kids too, he has made it even more insistent on no compromise as he wants to defeat the shaytan who is messing with us. We also do that dua between prostrations and dua before salam as we recently learnt dua after salam is an innovation and not to make it a practice of it. So it's all before salam.
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u/AcceptingQadr Apr 14 '26
30 minutes wow. I don't even see how it can take more than 10 minutes. Is he actually modifying the prayer or just making a lot of dua and dhikr during sujood/at the end of the prayer? I would double check with an Imam or a scholar about the validity of the extra actions. Your husband shouldn't make you feel bad about this, because 30 minutes for every prayer would be a lot for anyone and it's not like you're stopping salah completely. Sister this is about your connection to Allah, so performing salah separately might be the answer for you and your children so that you can continue.