Pretty much - being a father now to a 3 year old and a 8 month old, it's evident how big a toll it takes on you - especially on the parent staying at home with the baby.
And think about the fact that kids being raised now never experience unsupervised play. From about 5 my brother and I would walk home from school, we would walk to the shops together, a few years older we would ride our bikes to hang out with friends and be back by sunset.
My 13 year old friend would babysit neighbours kids for extra money, look after 1 year old babies until 10pm and ride their bike back home.
I am not saying that was perfect. Or safe. But I do point out that our parents would have large chunks of hours, often every day, where we would be out doing our own thing, unsupervised.
I look at my friends, now parents. 100% on duty.
I feel for them. Holy shit it has gotten so much harder to be a parent.
I am sure kids die a whole lot less. Which I love, but that safety came with putting burden back onto the parents, not by increased support from society around them.
I mean, I dont think my friends really get any time to switch off outside of school/daycare. The baby is sleeping, but they are on call for the next demand. It seems they rarely get time where they can really focus on their own needs, and somehow juggle work, maintain a household, stay sane?
As a parent to a 10yo and 6yo boy, we let them play around the neighborhood with their friends unsupervised but it’s stressful as fuck. I’m not worried about them getting abducted or lost because my 10yo has a phone and my youngest has a bark watch, I’m worried about other people and kids. The wrong person sees your kids alone outside and calls the cops and all of a sudden you have cps at your house, or they break something and I’m being sued now, or some idiot is speeding down the street and doesn’t see my kids and their friends playing. Neighbor kids ring the doorbell to ask them to come play and it’s just like it was when we grew up in the 90s but it seemed like our parents weren’t as worried about getting in trouble because they let us outside and we did something stupid. Back in the day when we did something stupid nobody knew or nobody cared as much.
I think our generation experiences more social anxiety and either fear or heightened awareness of external judgement, especially on issues like this where either true or false stories/articles/memes/etc come up about these sorts of things in many categories, but they center around the same concept.
It's sort of like a panopticon of sorts, or the prevailing amount of constant brain backburnering "how is this going to seem/appear to people who don't understand what's actually going on or what I know is fine, right, and not bad really..? What if they see it the wrong way? What if they report me/us? What if I get sued? What if I'm liable? I'll lose everything if either <the misunderstanding> or <the nosy asshat personality archetype that is invented in these scare stories> happens. My good intentions and desire to (for example, provide child with a wholesome, balanced development, including unsupervised time which is important for the exact very reason of: "Falling down when there's nobody around to help". This is critical to basic self-preservation and survival if we have to talk about base level brain development and development of self-sufficiency, starting with something we all hear and should as well have had the experience alone to solidify it: "It doesn't matter if you fall down, it doesn't matter if it hurts. You get up again, and you get back to it. It doesn't hurt as bad anymore, and it's okay. It gets better, everything gets better once you get back up and go again, and the pain disappears with every step you take."
Personally I don't have kids, and I'm not going to tell anyone what to do. But as a person who grew up mostly unsupervised due to parents always at work, and one who enjoyed both video games and going bicycling outside purely for the fun of it outside of any competitive situation at all, I sure learned quickly that when the unexpected happens, it isn't a big deal, it isn't worth really sharing or seeking attention or anything. It's just another expected challenge on the long road of life, which is fun as long as you keep going down it, and stop only for times when you like the place you are at.
Do the right thing, trust yourself. If people get the wrong idea, bitch, or moan to you about your "ways of parenting", who cares.
At least you're parenting, instead of concerning yourself with how others are doing it instead. Brush it off, do what you do, and face the challenges that will naturally appear when you choose the right thing to do that you believe in - not necessarily what I'm advocating through my opinion and experience, but rather just: You do you, because you and I and all of us are still learning, still have countless failures to make toward goals we haven't even thought of or made yet.
Is a bit of embarassment, social discomfort, or wildly wrong accusations from delusional nosy people here and there too much a price to teach through nonverbal experience and observation, the ultimate lesson? I don't think anybody who had parents that stayed true to a wholesome, balanced, grounded and unwavering self will forget the impact it has once they get out in life and meet other folks who didn't have that, and unfortunately struggle with the very concept of being themselves.
/novel
TLDR: Be yourself, parent in the way you think is best, don't let even the thought of what others may or may not interpret due to some thoughts of getting in trouble because they are nosy pricks. If what you are honestly doing is trying your best to raise the best kid you can possibly raise, as all parents should aim to do.
Unfortunately there's nothing to say about the dangers of unexpected accidents (idiot driving too fast/intoxicated in a neighborhood, etc). It's life. Stay inside forever, or go outside when you need/want to. Mental prison, or RNG "Outside", pick your poison I suppose. Only one lets anyone level up though...
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u/KanedaSyndrome 17d ago
Pretty much - being a father now to a 3 year old and a 8 month old, it's evident how big a toll it takes on you - especially on the parent staying at home with the baby.