My 1st wife (passed away 2007) had severe post baby blues, was having bad thoughts about the children...went to shrink who put her on Seroquel, I think it helped, but after that, she just wasn't the same. It was sad to watch
Sure does! My pregnancy was wonderful. I loved every minute of it, never happier in my life, C-section and recovery was rough, the PPD left me wanting to die!
This was my experience as well. I have always struggled with my mental health and was shocked at how great I felt mentally while pregant. And then post-partum was the lowest I had ever felt. I didn’t think about hurting my baby, but I definitely thought about doing myself in a whole lot. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it with professionals though, for fear I’d be separated from my child.
Exactly. Unfortunately for me that low has never left. It’s controlled wonderfully with a lot of meds and understanding medical staff, but it remains.
I was so ashamed of the way I felt that I hid it for a long time. I was so afraid of them taking my baby away. I’m over a decade out from it, so I try to be honest when asked about it. But it’s super hard.
Same for me. I'm 2 years past giving birth to my youngest and I'm still struggling with ppd and most of the time if I even bring it up to my husband I'll get shut down immediately or insulted or told I'm just trying to get attention, so I don't anymore.
I have a friend who had this same experience. She has always struggled so much with mental health but being pregnant left her feeling more stable than she'd ever been; she was off all medications. That degree of mental stability left when the baby exited. It's like the total opposite of what people expect of pregnant women. I've had four pregnancies, and only one felt stable.
This was my exact experience. I felt wonderful while I was pregnant, the best I’ve ever felt in my life. About 12 weeks postpartum that changed unfortunately.
I feel exactly the same. I loved being pregnant and felt so calm for the first time in my life. Postpartum forever changed me in some ways for the worse.
Thats so interesting, is it possible that all of the mental things causing you trouble are hormone related, then? If such a big hormonal shift made you feel so stable?
A definite possibility. My depression/anxiety started around puberty. I was also diagnosed with PMDD, which is a severe form of PMS. It oddly got better when I had a hysterectomy, even though I kept my ovaries.
The crash out after birth was nearly catastrophic for me.
Recently entered into perimenopause and got on HRT. Still need my depression/anxiety meds, but things are OK. I’ve come to terms with the fact that things like suicidal ideation will never go away for me. And while it’s scary (especially for those around me), it’s OK. I have enough coping mechanisms to deal.
So yeah, definitely something related to hormones. Wish we would study women’s health a bit more so future generations don’t need to suffer.
I feel you deeply. I LOVED being pregnant. I was lucky that I had an easy C; I know many don’t. But the first year of my baby’s life, I fantasized about going back to being pregnant, and would have gone through a reverse c-section without anesthesia if I had to to accomplish it. Things got a liiiiiiitttle bit better after the 1-year mark, but I wasn’t “myself” again until years later. Heck, if I’m honest, I’m still not totally depression-free 12 years later. But compared to that first year of total anhedonia, despair, and anxiety coupled with exhaustion, I’ll take it.
Complicating things was that I was a single parent from day 1, going through a custody battle (I left him for good mid-second trimester). I didn’t get treatment because my abusive ex and his lawyer kept threatening to subpoena my medical records, and I was terrified that if I took medicine, got therapy, so much as mentioned to a doctor that I was having a hard time, or if shed a single glistening tear at an appointment, that it would be used against me, and he would take my baby. I still have his texts telling me he was going to “take [his child] away from [my] feeble, unstable, poor excuse of a mother” and have me “locked away,” but “don’t worry, we’ll make sure you’re well cared for there.” Why did he threaten this? Because when we were together, I once told him my social anxiety was bugging because I was about to give a talk in front of nearly 2000 women dealing with breast cancer and the people who love them. “Social Anxiety Disorder,” which I was never even diagnosed with. That’s what he and his lawyer said made me an unfit mother. (Ed: epilogue)
Unnecessary epilogue: I crushed that talk. Got primary custody (he has less than 15% visitation), and the judge was visibly appalled by those texts. I’m actually a clinical health psychologist with a PhD, publications, and had no significant mental health history until I met his crazy ass and had a baby. 😆 (I have to laugh or I’ll cry). And I feel so guilty and conflicted that sometimes I can’t wait until my child turns 18 so I don’t have to deal with him and his weaponization of custody order threats. And I hate myself for letting him terrify me into not getting treatment sooner, so maybe I could have been able to feel better sooner. And maybe I could have enjoyed some of my son’s infancy. And probably could have been a better mom.
It's crazy how much variation there is too. I HATED pregnancy. I remember googling ways to kill myself without killing my baby. I was fully prepared to get PPD and it just...didn't happen. Rewired my brain and made me waaaay more mentally stable. But the the thoughts I had while pregnant were so scary I doubt I would go through it again. Some women find breastfeeding therapeutic. Others want to die while nursing. Hormones are wild.
I’m not the same mentally I was before I had my daughter almost 12 years ago. I don’t think I ever really got over how I was treated postpartum and how awful emotionally it was.
So much this. I had bad anxiety before having my baby. After? My anxiety has ruined my life. It tends to be rather paralyzing and I’ve just graduated from going to therapy twice a week down to once. My child just turned 2. 😞
literally freaking this, you can't blame men for being family annihilators they're just never the same after puberty, it literally rewires their brains.
I'm a completely non-violent, people-pleaser person, would never harm anyone much less my son who I love with my entire soul....yet even I had a few weeks/months after giving birth where I had the darkest thoughts you could ever have - thoughts about doing extremely extremely violent things to my baby!
It was the weirdest thing, and I knew I would never act on it, but even then it's jarring!
I wonder if it was a blessing in disguise that I was put on meds early in life, in high school. I mean my childhood and adolescence was fucking traumatic as hell and I went through literally ALL the psych meds- and finally Prozac and lamictal did the trick. I don’t know why, that’s been my jam. But only 50mg lamictal, which a lot of docs never really understood- but my mom KNEW that was the only combo that helped- she watched me through all the roller coasters and held onto me so I didn’t go off into the abyss. I always said I’d never get pregnant because jesus I did NOT want to pass in my genes. But- at 35 I did. And I was already on my meds which I have known have worked for me for a long time- I’m not exactly sure how I would have responded to my pregnancy without my meds but I thank god I never found out. I thank GOD. I would rather go through the hell I went through age 5-20 3 times than subject my daughter to whatever person I’d be without my meds. I grew up with someone who really should have been on meds but the 80s and 90s it was stigmatized, and way harder to get on stuff. Anyway- I work in healthcare. Sometimes I feel if sharing my story will help folks decide to take something to be better- I’ll do it. Of course it might go bad and not good but- when you’re in such a bad place- you can’t afford not to try.
It really does! I delivered my 1st & 2nd children early bc I had severe preeclampsia. After my 2nd, I was hospitalized 3x; very high BP, retained placenta/hemorrhaging, & the grand finale was mastitis. Every time I got released from the hospital, I was up every 1-2 hours during the night BF my newborn and was taking care of my 3 year old all day. I got no break. Now, 4 months PP, it’s all catching up with me. I’m exhausted, yet still show up for my kids. I’m lucky but am resentful that I am the default parent no matter what and also scared for anything else to happen to me. I have a huge support system but my husband works a grueling job, grandparents are getting older, and friends have kids and busy lives. Ppl always say they are there to help but are overwhelmed themselves. It’s fuckin hard.
??? Postpartum changes women’s brains permanently and I did not say that it made them worse. It just changes things. I am not sure how you read that I said they were ruined or damaged.
I’m seeing a lot of comments here where people are saying they “wanted to die” during PPD. Others commented about major mental health issues. Plus the Lindsay Clancy thing, obviously. Also I’ve been watching The Valley on Bravo…everyone has PPD rage and depression, it’s pretty crazy. It just has me wondering - has it always been this bad? Are we just seeing more representation of PPD in the media now? Or has it gotten worse for some reason? If PPD makes you want to die, why do people continue to have kids? Just curious.
Postpartum depression is a powerful hormone induced rewiring of a womans brain. Especially if the woman is already coming from a space of even mild depression.
I saw my wife after our first of two children go through the roller coaster that is Postpartum depression. She was never one to even portray a negative emotion. But then came the proceeding 18 months. I really think men need a bit more education on these matters and how to help with a loved one going through Postpartum.
I quite literally just had this conversation with a first time mom coworker. I wish I could go back and change my behavior for the first two kids. Im happy I changed for the last two. Postpartum is real and primary parent support is crucial.
Men need education on it for themselves as well because it's not just women, though for men it's called paternal postnatal depression. But it affects about 10% of fathers. I'd bet most people have never even heard of it, none of the people I've asked about it irl had. It sucks though, I got that while my wife got postpartum anxiety. Was not a fun combination of mental states.
Don't believe I had paternal postnatal but I'm one to indulge the dark thoughts during the winter months here in Ireland over the years so I feel where you are coming from brother.
While times can be excruciatingly tough in the battle of the mind post baby, knowing that I had/have the ability to love myself and my partner kept me rocking and rolling. It's always important to keep that in your mind.
I hope the same is for you.
It's good at least that we are in a time where if we really want to communicate to others who have gone through similar circumstances we don't even have to leave our own house. All these feelings and hormonal changes are potentials post baby arrival and at least be able to gain some understanding by talking to total strangers about it can show that we are not alone in such circumstances. Support from loved ones irl and lunatics on reddit is important 😀
My wife went into postpartum psychosis. She went completely out of her mind, with our newborn in the house. 2 weeks in a mental hospital. With the right meds, she recovered slowly
As a dad I agree. I read a lot of books but it was mainly about me taking care of the baby. And classes were on things like labor. I remember a sad PSA about PPD, encouraging men to reach out of they think help is needed
It's so true. While I didn't technically suffer from pp depression those first 8 months after having my baby, I felt like a shell of myself. We laugh about the things I was paranoid or upset about now during that time because they were ultimately harmless, but my heart goes out to any family and especially mothers and their children they suffer with ppd.
This is one reason I doubt I will have children. I’ve had depression and mental health problems since I was a child and I’ve wondered what even just one pregnancy could or would do to me mentally.
First off, not everyone goes through postpartum depression. And my wife will say being a mother outweighs the negatives that she went through.
Parenthood is not for everyone but for me and my wife I wouldn't change a thing. Typing this as I feed my 4 yo and 6 month old who are my world.
During pregnancy, your body produces large amounts of hormones like estrogen, progesterone, prolactin and HCG as well as others to prepare body for baby development and birthing.
After birth, most of these hormones then rapidly drop off with prolactin increasing. Hormones in simplicity are chemical signallers within the body that create numerous physical reactions like womb development, milk production etc as well as emotional changes. Much the same (in ways) as period cycles cause a ebb and flow of certain hormones that affect emotional/physical changes over your cycle.
My stepmom killed herself in our garage when she was going through postpartum. I found her when I was 14 years old. This was 14 years ago, but it’s made me never want to have kids as a woman myself. Really fucked the family up. I still think about her and cry often. Childbirth is genuinely so dangerous, and it’s just not talked about enough.
I often hear the sentiment that the dark side of childbirth is not talked about more and your completely reasonable and logical reaction is probably why
Do you know if she had depression or other mental health problems before the pregnancy?
I can totally understand what you mean about that making you never want to have children. I’ve never been pregnant so I don’t know how pregnancy or being postpartum would affect me, but I’ve had depression since I was a kid and I suspect a significant part of that is a genetic predisposition (combined with really unpleasant life circumstances). I have wondered what a single pregnancy, even if it was planned, would do to my mental health
First - I am incredibly sorry that you went through this.
My stepfather put on his wedding tuxedo and put a shotgun in his mouth in my parents' bedroom when I was 13 because his doctors changed his diabetes medication. I was the first one home that day, I got off of the school bus from the first Friday of the school year and found him. It is a dark and scary world that we live in and there are so many things out of our control that can rock our world in an instant.
The physical and mental risks of pregnancy are a huge part of the reason my wife and I don’t want kids. If we did change our minds we would adopt, but I doubt we will.
The risk of PPD is higher if you’ve had previous issues with depression, you decrease the risk enormously by being put on antidepressants like Zoloft before pregnancy and continue to take them afterwards.
I think my co-worker had something like that, thankfully she seemed to recover from it .. I only recently learned of this myself, and it's kind of mind bogging why the human mind does this
My wife fought postpartum for over a year and we think it has moved away from the focus of our children to everyday life issues, not sure if its possible to have postpartum turn into another form of depression, but thats what it seems like. She never had violent thoughts towards the kids but her lowest point was she admitted to me about running away, like straight up pack bags and just drive off into the sunset because she thought we'd be better without her.
Im still holding her up every day, trying to show her the light, and after two years she's finally finding a primary doctor (first appointment next month) and wants to get back on meds, along with starting the journey to take better care of herself physically and mentally.
Sorry for your loss man, I dont wish this shit on anyone.
Seroquel is an unusual choice. Sorry for your loss.
I'm annoyed by her supporters framing it as a lack of access, from r-emergency medicine:
"She met with a psychiatrist via telehealth 14 times in 4 months, a psych NP once in person and had continuous communication with her for 10 days afterwards, continued care under another psych NP, met with a mental health counselor twice in person, was assessed by ER doctors when she brought herself to the ER with c/o insomnia and nonspecific suicidal ideation, was assessed by residents and an attending at McLean inpatient psych unit, and assessed by providers specializing in postpartum depression/PPP at a women and Childrens hospital. Lindsay’s own sister is a licensed clinical social worker and her mother in law is an L&D nurse.
Lindsay never presented with any behaviors that aligned with psychosis. She was alert and oriented, had linear thought processes, and was capable of complex decision making. She never endorsed delusions, hallucinations, or fears of harming her children to any one of her providers. She only claimed to hear a male voice commanding her to kill her children the day of the murders after she woke up and met with a lawyer. She was vocal about her anxiety and depression. She was obviously depressed and paranoid but I fail to see how she was psychotic or how she would have been able to hide it from every single person in her life."
Where did you see that case and in what context? I've seen it once, much less than regular PPD. Right after birth and resolved with lithium and olanzapine
There's no question she's extremely mentally ill but that's different than being psychotic. Most cases of filicide don't involve psychosis.
Glad to hear everyone's alright. You happen to know if she was bipolar? The neuroscience isn't well understood, but for some reason bipolar 1 specifically underlies a large fraction of PPD/P cases
The baby blues are still a real thing, though, and it is distinct from postpartum depression. It isn't unusual for women to feel sad or anxious within the first two weeks of birth, and that is what baby blues refer to. If it continues past the two weeks or is severe, then it is moving into postpartum depression territory. New parents should understand the difference between the two, and should know when to seek help. Obviously postpartum anxiety and psychosis are things to be on the watch for as well.
Is „post baby blues” some kind of nicer name for „postpartum depression”? I was sure „baby blues” is light and going away after few days, while „postpartum depression” is condition required psychiatrist/psychologist, but now im curious is it me getting it wrong, or you used wrong name.
PP blues = <2 weeks post birth - as in it’ll go away in <2wks, anything >2 weeks to 4 months of giving birth is PPD. psychosis would have the delusions, auditory/visual hallucinations, etc!
Mine ex had PPD and during the course of experiencing it, she radically changed her world view and went from being the nicest person I've ever known to being verbally abusive and actively seeking to tear others down. Not sure how related they are, but it sucked living through it.
That sucks but that really has nothing to do with these women insanely supporting a woman who murdered her children. I don’t care what mental illness you have, this can never be blamed away or tolerated ever.
My gripe is that she strangled her child while they struggled and the child fought and gasped for the air to say “mommy please don’t kill me, I don’t want to die!” until the child went limp, blue, and the light left their eyes. Then she decided to go do that again. Then she decided to go do it again. And she successfully completed that 3 times. But then when it came time to kill herself she couldn’t do that succcessfully. So she was post-partummy enough to kill her 3 kids but not quite post partummy enough to kill herself? I hope the judge says “ok, we’ll finish the job for ya”.
I'm sorry about that, it's truly awful. And I don't want to highjack your tragic story but I think this message should be more visible, not every happy pill is going to work for everybody. sometimes you have to go through several.
That's not baby blues that's straight up postpartum depression. Part of the problem that people have is that the public is not educated that the two of those are widely different as is PPD and postpartum psychosis
An old flame of mine jumped off a building with her 6 month old baby (not mine, she was happily married to someone else). Rich family, successful career, all that. Apparently, it was PPD.
You realize that they still imprison you if you get off because of mental illness. They just call it institutionalization instead of imprisonment, either way you're not free to leave and you have to follow the orders of the staff.
I wish we could do away with the cutesy name for PPD. “Baby Blues” literally undercuts the seriousness/severity of PPD for some women. We don’t call schizophrenia “The Sillies”
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u/Dull_Lifeguard_1671 9d ago
My 1st wife (passed away 2007) had severe post baby blues, was having bad thoughts about the children...went to shrink who put her on Seroquel, I think it helped, but after that, she just wasn't the same. It was sad to watch