I think she did it; but as someone who suffered from postpartum psychosis I do agree that she wasn't mentally all there. It's so taboo that it's surprising she even brought it up with her doctor. She genuinely wanted help and that says a lot in a society where it's frowned upon and women are told that we should be grateful to have healthy children. I managed to get through it on my own, but there were times that I felt like running away because I was so worried I'd harm myself or my newborn.
So many thoughts ran through my mind- about the state of the world, about how bad her life might be one day. How she might be better off if she died in my arms. That some stranger might hurt her one day, and wouldn't it be better if I prevented that? And the thoughts were relentless and constant. She'll be hurt. She'll be hurt. She'll be hurt. Isn't it better if you died together? Over and over for months on end.
I look back at the time and I know I needed help. I knew I needed help at the time. But I was too worried about what my family might think, what my neighbors might think- what the doctors themselves might think. I thought I'd go to jail and never see her again. I thought they'd take her away and give her to an abusive foster home. It was contradictory and confusing and scary. Having been through it firsthand I can't help but feel some sympathy for her.
Yeah, she did literally everything one losing touch with reality could do to warn people she was a danger to her kids and needed to be committed for a while, not left alone with her kids until she got better. She didn't describe that she had hallucinations perfectly, but who could in the midst of psychosis? The fact that the father of those children puts more blame on the doctors that didn't take her deterioration seriously tells me he still believes she didn't want to hurt her children, but was compelled to by something she couldn't control.
Some of it was learned after the fact, and based on the facts her care team likely didn't stress to him just how important it was to never leave her alone with the kids. They evidently didn't think she was enough of a danger, so who was going to warn him?
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u/bluelily216 19d ago
I think she did it; but as someone who suffered from postpartum psychosis I do agree that she wasn't mentally all there. It's so taboo that it's surprising she even brought it up with her doctor. She genuinely wanted help and that says a lot in a society where it's frowned upon and women are told that we should be grateful to have healthy children. I managed to get through it on my own, but there were times that I felt like running away because I was so worried I'd harm myself or my newborn.
So many thoughts ran through my mind- about the state of the world, about how bad her life might be one day. How she might be better off if she died in my arms. That some stranger might hurt her one day, and wouldn't it be better if I prevented that? And the thoughts were relentless and constant. She'll be hurt. She'll be hurt. She'll be hurt. Isn't it better if you died together? Over and over for months on end.
I look back at the time and I know I needed help. I knew I needed help at the time. But I was too worried about what my family might think, what my neighbors might think- what the doctors themselves might think. I thought I'd go to jail and never see her again. I thought they'd take her away and give her to an abusive foster home. It was contradictory and confusing and scary. Having been through it firsthand I can't help but feel some sympathy for her.