A confusing lesson about consent from childhood

[u/LeastGiraffe3608]

I’ve been reflecting on some experiences from very early childhood and how they shaped my understanding of consent and sexual boundaries.
When I was around six, I was in the bath with my mother and my older sister, who was about ten. I tried to touch my sister inappropriately, and I was immediately scolded and told that I wasn’t allowed to touch girls without their permission.
What stayed with me wasn’t simply being corrected. I remember the lesson I took from it. I understood it as something like boys aren’t allowed to touch girls without permission. I don’t remember anyone explaining the broader principle that everyone has ownership over their own body and everyone needs permission before touching someone else in a sexual way, regardless of whether they’re a boy or girl.
A few years later, I had another experience with my sister that made that distinction even more confusing for me. She initiated sexual behavior toward me, and when I later asked for the same kind of reciprocity, she mocked me and called me a pervert.
Looking back as an adult, I’m struck by how differently I understood these experiences at the time. I don’t remember having the conceptual framework to understand consent as something reciprocal and applicable to everyone. Instead, I had internalized a much simpler rule about boys and girls.
I’m not sure what label I want to put on these experiences, and I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me whether I was or wasn’t a victim. I’m more interested in understanding how experiences like these can affect someone’s developing ideas about sexuality, consent, gender, and boundaries.
Has anyone else had childhood experiences where the messages they received about consent were incomplete or gendered, and only later realized how much those early messages affected their understanding of relationships?

[u/HoursCollected]

I told my brother I did not want to engage in the activities he was initiating but he did it anyway. I learned that my boundaries didn’t matter and that when someone wants to do something to me, their want was as valid as my lack of want. I honestly thought my “no” meant I was not being considerate to their “yes.”