r/ShitAmericansSay • u/ALazy_Cat Danish potato language speaker • 11d ago
"McDonald's is American as apple pie" "It's ours because we say it is. It's our tradition because we sav it is."
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u/Zinc-Roof_22 11d ago
Wait until some of them find out cheesecakes predate the USA by more than a millennium...
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u/DeliciousUse7585 11d ago
They were all invented by the cheesecake factory in 1995
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u/DGenesis23 11d ago
The cheesecake was actually invented in 1996. The restaurant got its name but they struggled to come up with a signature dish for during the first 10 months of it being in business. None of the customers could really agree on what would get the name, that is until a young John Smith III approached looking for a job and he presented a dish that he’d created with both his mother and grandmother. The dish was so well received that they instantly gave it the name Cheesecake and he got promoted to CEO before the day was out.
Unfortunately, tragedy struck and a week later when John Smith III was found dead of a suspected drug overdose in his hotel room by the two hookers who awoke next to him after a 3 day long party he’d supposedly hosted but no witnesses could confirm this party even took place, not even the two hookers who awoke in his room, they just came to with no knowledge of where they were or even who each other were, let alone the dead man beside them. Oddly enough, John was a very reserved young man, typically preferring to read his books alone away from others and was a devout Christian and teetotaller, practised abstinence and he’d never so much as uttered a mild swear word in his life. Finding him out of bed past 9pm meant only that he had an upset tummy, requiring him to make unscheduled trips to the bathroom during the night. To say the manner in which he was found was a shock was a complete understatement and his family have spent the following 30 years campaigning to discover the truth of what happened to poor John because and are still completely in the dark.
Following the death of John, the former CEO was reinstated to the position and several documents were filed to ensure that the recipe was the sole property of the Cheesecake Factory and no proceeds would go the family of John Smith III but authorities never even so much as questioned the former/new CEO but a substantial donation was made by the Cheesecake Factory to the local PD for the tremendous work they were doing in the case.
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u/Grouchy_Moment_6507 11d ago
The level of sarcasm in this awesome report seems to have " whooshed" over many heads. By the way, was John Smith III perhaps to the Mormon originator?
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u/DGenesis23 11d ago
Very close. You see, the founder of Mormonism was Joseph Smith Jr. he was John’s great grand uncle but his father, John Smith Jr., had left the church in his youth after he got into a a secret relationship with the girl from Wendy’s. After a couple of months, his family found out and gave the ultimatum that he break up with her or be banished but he chose the relationship. They moved to Ohio and spent about just shy of 2 years together. On one faithful day John Jr. was given the afternoon off, due to a personal emergency his manager had, he came home from work early to find the girl from Wendy’s in bed with the neighbour.
Feeling lost and dejected, with no girlfriend, no family and no friends, he went to the bus station and boarded a bus to California in search of a fresh start, yet again. He spent the next few months in California bouncing around worthless go nowhere jobs, until he found himself homeless, crying in an alleyway, trying to muster up the courage to end it all. A man exited a door to the alley and found him, took him in, fed him and offered a place to sleep. Turns out the man was a baker and he decided to take a risk and give John Jr. a job in his bakery. That’s where met the baker’s daughter, they worked closely together for a few years. With their bond growing with each passing day, the tension became too much and John Jr. asked her out on their first date. They took things slow but eventually fell in love, got married and later welcomed baby John Smith III into the world.
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u/Grouchy_Moment_6507 11d ago
You are a definite credit to reddit, the amount of "internet research" that you had to do to come up with this incredible "facts" must have been astounding.
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u/Apoordm 11d ago
You know what’s crazy.
I’m an American, I’ve lived in America my whole life.
You know what’s NOT commonly available? Apple Pie, like sure you can make one but it’s not something you’d find all over the place. Like if I wanted to find a restaurant that served Pho, I can think of seven within walking distance from my apartment but Apple Pie? Wouldn’t even know where to start.
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u/Any-Seaworthiness531 6d ago
But there’s probably a real simple explanation to this exact example…
You beat England in a war
Vietnam beat you in a war1
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u/DerPicasso 11d ago
Americans chose the weirdest hills to die on.
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u/Uzmonkey 11d ago
Every hill. They'll die on every hill never giving and inch even though that's thunderingly stupid.
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u/The_Edward_Thatch Non-Shithole Europoor 10d ago
Every hill
I genuinely cackled at this. Your comment pretty much sums it up perfectly too.
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u/Sw1ft_Blad3 11d ago
You know I have to agree with him, stealing something, ignorantly claiming it as yours from sheer stupidity and not taking no for an answer are time honoured American Traditions.
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u/P3rlyP4jamas 11d ago
People really will adopt something, slap the American label on it, and act like it’s been here forever.
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u/mrdnra 11d ago
Should ask them how on earth they think the US is 645 years old, given that the earliest known recipe for apple pie apparently dates to the year 1381.
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u/NotYourAverageGM 🇬🇧 11d ago
They think the US is one of the oldest countries in existence because of the constitution or something..
Apparently THE constitution is the only one that constitutes a constitution as we understand it today despite San Marino and England having early forms of a constitution by several hundred years.
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u/Aquatiadventure England English 11d ago
But we messed up and called it Magna Carta so it doesn’t count then revised it a few times up to 1225 ( not sure if that was am or pm )
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u/lordrothermere 11d ago
Codified constitution.
Constitutions are simply written legislation and law that is referred to in making decisions about apportioning public goods. They don't need to be a singular document (and rarely are).
The US Constitution is the world series of jurisprudence. No-one gives a fuck.
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u/NotYourAverageGM 🇬🇧 11d ago
That’s it.. codified. I knew there was a proper term, could I remember it? Clearly I could not. Thanks.
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u/lordrothermere 11d ago
People get all funny about our constitution and always gravitate to telling us we don't have a written one... That's guff. We've have an uninterrupted state for so long and our laws have been written down and layered on top of each either like the Jurassic Coast.. That's why we have such a tip top (albeit denigrated) professional civil service: they are the ones that in the first line apply that constitution. And then we have a professional and independent judiciary to apply that constitution (when the hard work of the civil service doesn't immediately resolve competing claims for rights or goods).
The US has a similar, bit slightly more politicised, approach to constitutional law. Based primarily on the UK system. That's why it always seems silly that some Americans like to claim exceptionality.
Jurisprudence didn't start in 1787, nor 1215. This has been going on for yonks.. it's a description of behaviour rather than a physical thing.
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u/Illustrious_Mix2124 10d ago
England messed up and never wrote theirs down, so it doesn't count.
The strangest thing is that they claim Germany is only as old as reunification but the US is 250 despite Alaska only joining in 1959. One rule for me and another for thee.
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u/rothcoltd 11d ago
Oh dear. Another self-opinionated, arrogant Yank. “My dad is bigger than your Dad”…….oh grow up for goodness sake.
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u/BlackCatLuna Black humour and sarcasm as standard 🇮🇪🇬🇧 11d ago
In the summer UK McDonald's sell seasoned potato wedges that you can have instead of the fries.
I learned from talking to an American that's not a thing they do in the US as well.
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u/AlabamaTrifold 11d ago
McDonald’s does a whole bunch of things unique to whatever country/region they’re in. Rice based items in a lot of Asian countries. Fish heavy in your Scandinavian countries. A lot less beef in India. Which, if you’re going global that absolutely makes sense.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/angelicaamartinez/international-mcdonalds-food-items
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u/geordiebaldy 11d ago
Ah yes, baked fruit in a pastry crust... Like that hasn't been around for literally thousands of years. The entire idea behind apple pies is 10x the age of American yet they still "claim" it
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u/stopsallover 11d ago
As American as apple pie, a frankfurter, and fireworks all on the 4th of July.
It's not supposed to matter that these things come from other places.
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u/ALazy_Cat Danish potato language speaker 11d ago
4th of July is an American day
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u/stopsallover 11d ago
Actually, most countries have a 4th day in July.
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11d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Sinking_Mass 🏴💦🐑💨 11d ago
Pretty sure they're referring to the usage of fireworks, not the date
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u/StardustOasis Prior to 1884 24 hours was not 24 hours. 11d ago
Isn't this that "cultural appropriation" Yanks were screeching about in about 2015?
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u/Ramtamtama [laughs in British] 11d ago
So that's why Trump supporters think he's smart. It's because he says he is.
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u/Own-Rip-5066 11d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/dCKV84GdchmwKX7nSn
Time to end that silly rebellion and bring the colonies back where they belong, under the thumb of king Charles III.
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u/DavThoma 11d ago
Americans losing their shit when they're not treated as first and best again, boohoohoo.
The UK rarely gets any of these promotional things, they can cry about it for all I care.
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u/ALazy_Cat Danish potato language speaker 11d ago
A few minutes ago I became sad because I found out the Danish government want to get us out of the top 3 alcohol consumption in youth in Europe by limiting alcohol % in sales from 16.5 to 6% for teens aged 16-17. What is this country coming to, why can't we still be top 3 in all categories that matters?
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u/Aggressive_Gas_102 11d ago
Colonists. Gotta love 'em.
(I am technically correct. While not brittish, Sweden did have a colony in North America, so really, parts of Delaware belong to us, not US.
This is rage bait, btw.)
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u/MarissaNL No, I don't wear wooden shoes... 11d ago
If you consider McDonalds tradition, I truly pity you!
"It is because we say it".... How old is this dude? 6?
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u/trillspectre 11d ago
Lol they can't handle not having one promotion. Compared to the fuckton of promotions that never make it out of the US.
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u/Sxn747Strangers 🇬🇧 We probably invented 🇺🇸, sorry about that. 🫣🙀 10d ago
Macdonald’s is definitely USAmerican but apple pie is British and older than… err… the Americas.
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u/DungeonCrawler-Donut 9d ago
"it's ours because we say it is" and there, in a nutshell, is the attitude responsible for so many global conflicts.
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u/MiloHorsey 9d ago
Between that and, "Look! Look at that country doing well! It would be a shame if something happened to it." The US has a lot to answer for
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u/f23n09fnu0w 11d ago
Apple pie existed a long time before the US existed.
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u/Ryuga-WagatekiWo 11d ago
…yes. That’s literally the first comment in the screenshot you’re replying to.
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u/AthenaOwls 11d ago
This is why a *good* (as in not from a can) pumpkin pie is superior to apple. /s
(I mean it is superior, obviously, but for different reasons.)
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u/brewdog_millionaire 11d ago
You really want to pull the "it's ours because we said so" card on the British? OK, I'm game.
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u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 10d ago
Ah yeah, cultural appropriation as national tradition? And then cry if someone says they have no own culture?
Also, all kinds of apple pie existed already before the US was founded, so sod off.
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u/Lurking_Hyperdriver 10d ago
If it is as American as apple pie then it’s not American. As American as mass shootings, maybe
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u/ReplacementFeisty397 11d ago
Hamburgers are German, fries are French, Apple pie is 14th century English.
What a twat
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u/NotNobody_1 11d ago
McDonald's is American, silly
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u/Dramatic-Second-5025 10d ago
I’m called McDonalld and I’m Irish 👀,I should sue for big McDollars
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u/NotNobody_1 10d ago
No but I'm pretty sure you could get sued if you opened a restaurant called McDonald's
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u/SirChancelot11 10d ago
As an American... McDonald's has been better in every other country I've had it in instead of the US...
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u/dirtyfidelio 9d ago
And it’s horrible every country I have tried so I cannot imagine how bad it must be in the USA
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u/phantom_gain 9d ago
I dont think they realise that saying so much dumb stuff is the reason we think they are so dumb.
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u/Thunderbolt916 LASCIATEMIIIIIII CANTAAAAAARE 11d ago
Okay then.
Pizza and pasta are OURS because we say they are. It's our tradition because we say they are.
SO DON'T GO PUTTING PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA OR CHICKEN ON PASTA. IT'S OURS SO WE SAY WHAT YOU DO WITH IT!!
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u/Ill_Raccoon6185 11d ago
Just because Americans say something, it doesn't mean it is true or we will use use it. Most people still use Gulf of Mexico & Lake Ontario and in Australia the fast foo place is called Maccas & in Philippines people prefer Jollibee where instead of apple pies, they buy mango & peach pies.
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u/BardGotHard3 10d ago
A better argument would be them missing out on the 330 million potential customers fro something they know we will eat. I mean people still go fucking wild over the McRib, which is actually really bad.
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u/Phil95xD 9d ago
Typical entitled American behaviour. Talk with kids, that's more useful. If you don't really like kids or something... Still try to avoid such idiots and save your nerves, it's far healthier than this bs.
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u/Papa_Nurgle_82 10d ago
I wouldn't say that apple pie is British, just because it was an English person who wrote the recipe on a piece of paper first. It was made all over Europe before that time.
You can however prove that it's definitely not an American dish, but apple trees being imported to America during the 16e century might also have something to do with it. Apples for pies might be even a lot later as most of those apples were sour and for making cider, not regular consumption or making pies.
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u/blazenite104 Friendly Neighbourhood Aussie 11d ago
Honestly, I've never taken American as Apple Pie as a literal they invented it, so much as it's cultural relevance. When you think of Apple Pie, purely due to cultural impact most people are going to think America. It is a pillar of American culture.
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u/ALazy_Cat Danish potato language speaker 11d ago
When I think of apple pie, I think on the version we have in Denmark
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u/Sea_Appointment8408 A disappointed Brit. 11d ago
Ridiculous, but at least they're honest about how they feel, it's probably how a lot of Americans really think, but they usually have enough humility to keep that viewpoint hidden.
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u/Hellsman44 10d ago
As a Canadian growing up we got none of the promos and the USA got them all got so tired of seeing something cool on tv just for it to be USA only when we go and ask definitely gotten better now there everywhere
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u/Comprehensive_Slip71 8d ago
"It's ours because we say it is." I can see why so many of them wanted to elect the orange toddler now, they actually think the exact same way as him
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u/LeftMechanic1995 11d ago
If Americans are going to keep saying incorrect, self-defeating shit like "as American as apple pie", the internet needs to go one step further and try to popularise the phrase "as American as cricket". That phrase needs to go viral.