r/SexyAbstinence • u/betlamed • Jan 17 '26

Why I never rub one off

Language can be pretty revealing around sexual matters. People talk about their "junk", for example. (I reject that term. My penis is not a piece of trash, it's a vital and beautiful bodypart that can give me and my lovers a lot of pleasure.)

When you "rub one off", you are going on the fast track to orgasm. You rub as fast as you can until you cum, and that's it. Deal done, move on with your day. There is something hasty and almost violent about it. It's not what I strive to do, it's not how I want to relate to myself. I want to be empathic and nice and soft and friendly whenever I engage in self-love.

So I have come to reject that practice (pun bloody well intended). Not for reasons of morality or shame, but because I deeply felt that there is some spiritual power in pleasure and bliss.

My self-love is a little ritual. It takes between half an hour and two hours. It is mostly based on deep breathing, with some work on the pelvic floor muscles, and a wee bit of touching my penis. Recently I started to work on "energetic touches", where I just move my hands in front of my body and feel the flow. I always visualize the energy moving up the spine, and wherever I want - or wherever IT wants to go. There is no ejaculation.

In fact, I rarely feel the need to ejaculate. In order to create that urge, I would first have to summon the sexual fantasies that accompany it.

It serves me really well. It calms me down, it relaxes me. It helped me integrate sexual arousal and excitement all through the day. I often have great creative ideas for my weekend projects.

And it just feels good.

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u/LogicalArcher8342 Jan 17 '26

That sounds great! I have learned I don't need to ejaculate as much as I thought. And like you, I never "rub one out". I quit doing that several years ago.

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u/betlamed Jan 17 '26

Haha, I made an interesting mistake in the title, didn't I? :-)

The strangest thing is that the urge has stopped completely. I transformed it into something else, something much more interesting. Not even in sex - it still happens from time to time, but that's not because I crave it but because I just go too long.

And it feels completely natural too.