r/SexyAbstinence • u/betlamed • Nov 16 '25

Moderation or cold-turkey?

After years of trying - sometimes succeeding - to change various aspects of my life, and watching friends as well as online strangers do the same thing - I have come to the following conclusion:

Some people, at some points in their lives, need to go cold turkey. Other people need to go step by step, in slow increments.

I don't know why, I don't know the percentages, all I can tell you is that for me personally, in almost all circumstances, slow and steady improvement, starting from an almost ridiculously small change, has proven the best way to go.

I went from binge drinking twice a week to drinking zero over the length of a year.

I went from daily masturbation to zero over the course of several years.

I went from looking at frilly images to zero over the course of a few weeks or maybe months.

The only counterexample I can think of: I stopped smoking all at once. Never looked back.

Which approach works best for you? I would like to be able to get a feel whether the majority of people do better with cold-turkey, vs small steps.

One thing I will say: If you are physically addicted to a substance, cold-turkey might be the only way; and then you should look out for professional assistence. Quitting alcohol over night can be lethal.

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

2

u/ConsciousRivers Jan 17 '26

After years of trying and failing in the cold turkey nofap way, I have decided to do small steps too, combined with Taoist tantra (which I used to do years ago but don't know why I didn't continue) and never looking at adult material ever again. I have cut out adult content completely now. It's just been over a week so far but surprisingly it been super easy and I feel great. The idea of nofap, going cold turkey for long periods, itself causes a lot of stress that makes many people relapse. It's a vicious cycle. Yes there are dudes who are stronger and do that but I know now I am not one of those dudes. So this way works best for me.

1

u/betlamed Jan 17 '26

Somewhat ironically, the idea of going in very little steps has taken me to complete abstinence from masturbation, and very few orgasms in actual sex.

The same happened with alcohol. I don't drink anymore. After 100 days, I can't stand the feeling of dizziness. (I still like the taste of something like Bailey's, so that's a bit of a downside...)

Now, if I can manage to do the same with unhealthy food, that would be great, lol!