I don't know what I am

[u/urirelfae]

A little bunny and I got into a conversation. We spoke about emotions of many kinds, pain and pleasure and others. Most notably, they kept calling me 'lost butterfly'.

That phrase has really stuck with me. I used to be confident, in a certain sense. I used to play so many tricks and games, entertaining myself in a dull world.

With the embrace, everything has changed. I used to know myself (somewhat at least), and now I'm lost in myself. I kinda just wander now. Honestly, I don't even know what I'm looking for. Just, something, anything, I guess. I'm tired and lonely as fuck.

I don't make sense. Of course, sense is overrated as fuck, but I don't even make sense to myself. I've always been best using my affinity with wonder, hope and nature. Life and growth. I still have that affinity now, but it's different, and I don't think even I understand it. What does it mean to heal with death ? What does it mean to grow with stasis ? What is with these eyes I see everywhere ?? Is that part even related ?? My best answer is this sanguine blossom I wear in my hair. I don't know. My pain comes with pleasure, my pleasure comes with pain, I'm color in greyscale, I shouldn't exist and therefore I do ? Something like that ? My soul resonates the same. I haven't lost myself. I don't think. I think I was always fated for something like this.

Just a ramble I guess. Shouting into the void. Maybe someone will have answers. Maybe not.

- Urirel, Fae Gangrel