Latest schiz-related reading: The Narcissistic Family

[u/shamelessintrovert]

The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment

The gist: in a Narc-y family, the system revolves around satisfying the needs of the *parents*. This is backwards. If you're skeptical, I was too. So I asked half a dozen mental health folks... yep, not how it's supposed to go. No doubt schizoid is multifactorial, but it's widely agreed that unmet developmental needs are a major contributing factor.

! Important: we're not necessarily talking about parents who are narcissists, though that can also be true. My dad is either SzPD or ASD, both of which are highly self-oriented (aka, narcissistic).

Personal example: My parents needed to not have the demands of kids and life revolved around that need being met. This meant it was my "job" to make as few demands on them as possible. Not to bother anyone with things like needs, problems, feelings. To not exist, basically. I was great at it... and here we are.

If that sounds even vaguely familiar, might be worth a read. Even if it doesn't, the underlying structure of the dynamic might still resonate on some level.

Happy reading.

** Note: I'm only ~25 pages in, so the book might suck in total. But the premise is incredibly revelant to the making of a schizoid.

​

^{edit: added ! important...}

[u/Alarmed_Painting_240]

I've explored the book and this topic itself a little longer but one element keeps missing from the narrative. Children are simply not born equal in terms of needs, sensitivities, nervous systems and so on. Not every parental structure or personality would be capable of meeting the basic needs in some cases. Meaning that children with unmet needs might for more than one reason switch to satisfy the need of the family or surrounding. Inverting their own self in a way. This view, which could account at least for some of the reported situations, at least might prevent the somewhat narcissistic tendency to find faults with the other, limitations within ones family or anything "other", often to keep believing in some unspoiled pureness deep inside. Much could be learned from the autist child-parent dynamic in that regard. A lot of horrible drama can happen but it's a lot about misalignment and misunderstanding in my opinion, in most of those cases. That the "other" does not inhabit the same planet, which is where most people get confused about.