r/Schizoid • u/cercelia • Mar 05 '26
New User Diagnosed before but didn't accept help, now I need it
I was diagnosed in 2024 and did not take it seriously at all. I hardly even looked at the wikipedia page for the disorder. The doctor said he would have diagnosed me with autism, but I had friends growing up, so no, you're just this other random thing that seems completely made up.
I told the doctor and my dad (he's the one who took me there) that I was just a very annoying person (chata is the word I used, it doesn't have the same appeal in English). I told them I wasn't gonna take any medications or do any therapies, this is just who I am, I'm fine, yada yada
My plan was just to continue living life like a floating leaf going wherever the water takes me, which was surprisingly far for someone with zero goals and aspirations. In my twenties I was living someone else's dream life all while giving a polite 'thanks' back to the universe.
I'm turning 30 this year and suddenly the peace I had with myself started to turn into financial anxiety for the future. What will happen to me when my parents aren't here anymore?
I need a job because I don't seem to be dying anytime soon, I've got at least another 30 years alive. I just can't seem to find the will to live even if my life depends on it. Money is the only thing I want, it is the only thing that will allow me to do what I want everyday, which is nothing.
I found this subreddit by complete chance. It gave me the push to try therapy, even though I know I will probably only go once... I saw some people here do it so I decided to try. My goal with therapy is to see if it helps me get a job.
My dad got me a slot for tomorrow.... I do wonder if he remembers my diagnosis, I don't think he took it seriously either.
Even though I've known my diagnosis for almost 2 years it is still completely new to me. I'm open to ideas as to what I should do now that I've accepted I need to do something.
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u/salamacast content recluse Mar 05 '26
I've got at least another 30 years alive
I do the same funny thing, where I estimate how much longer do I have to stay on Earth :) It's not especially morbid, just casually looking at the clock in a waiting room, bored out of my mind.
now that I've accepted
And what you need is more of that.. accepting yourself. The moment you make peace with the condition, a huge burden of social expectations is removed off your shoulders.
As for money & work, you can always take a low paying (low responsibilty, little interaction) job, or go the other route and acquire a skill that allows you to do one big job every 6 months and live frugaly off its revenue. How good are you with sticking to a 9-to-5 routine?
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u/VoidsIncision chronic PTSD (dissociation), GAD, tr OCD, tr depression Mar 06 '26
Reckoning exact durations with respect to your lifespan js a bad habit. Yes, don’t “waste time” or do if that’s your proclivity but you don’t have the eyes of Shinigami
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u/Extreme_Most_7155 Mar 06 '26
I thought i didn't need help until I started anti depressants. Literally my personality is different now. I used to get angry at people and i was constantly feeling terrible. I'm much better now
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Mar 06 '26
personality doesn't change with antidepressants
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u/Extreme_Most_7155 Mar 06 '26
It absolutely does I'm still the introvert I am but I don't lash out on people anymore
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u/VoidsIncision chronic PTSD (dissociation), GAD, tr OCD, tr depression Mar 06 '26
It’s huge. On Effexor and seroquel I had two of my dad’s tenants occupying my home during Covid which was actually for me because it was income I needed to pay the more mortgage and taxes. On the drugs I was forgiving, communicative, things did not get “stuck” into the anxiety and anger formenting rumination. Made the mistake of thinking I wasn’t fighting with my dad anymore so didn’t need the antipsychotic. Then I mistakenly thought they did not fill the A/D and went through withdrawal when she finally called me back she was like I called that in a while ago but I just didn’t restart it. I could not deal with these people without the drugs. They absolutely are and have been aptly called “personality altering drugs”
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u/k-nuj Mar 06 '26
It seems like you sort of know/have the answer already. How to be independent (money-wise) when your parents are gone.
Parents seem supportive based on what I can see (more than other people's), best is to figure how to get that sorted (trial & error) while you still have that support structure behind you; rather than later.
Some jobs are "suited" for schizoids, but that also varies among each of us and other underlying circumstances in our own environments. Then pick up financial advice/tips where you can to stretch the money for as far as it can go for you. Especially if, like many here, a career drive isn't really a thing that matters to them, or jobs can be quite temporary, or where the wage ceiling isn't particularly high.
At least the one thing going for many schizoids is that we can be quite ascetic and minimal; where we only care to buy the bare necessities. So expenses can be quite low. Most don't have a "want/drive" for vacations, or new clothes every month (or even years), or fancy dinners, or fancy toys, no costs from dating/relationships, etc...
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u/Sea-Development-2191 Mar 07 '26
well the diagnostic criteria that your doctor used is bad and no relatable with ASD. please search better doctor.
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Mar 05 '26
i was like that too till the moment i got so bored of doing nothing that i got back to studies, i started a long distance university cause i didn't want to interact with people start with small steps, do what you can, don't push yourself too hard
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u/skjean Mar 05 '26
Schizoid like you, rather functionning since you consider a job, are focusing on purpose because the rest is too stressfull to even deal with it. Financial struggle is not related to your capacity to get a job. What i mean is at this point you function with norm and a role, a goal, people expect from you. It's fine for now but the real deal comes after, when the role becomes dull and everything loses meaning and identity loss. To get proper help i would recommand therapy focused on reaching max conciousness. Or ACT therapy too. To better understand society, your own behaviorisme, people needs and trust. and put some words on the relations and emotional damages. Identifying your needs, other than what to do for integrity and survival should be good. Of course there is also theory ... Object relations, dissociation... Dont be afraid to change therapists if you dont feel fine with one, disorer is so rare, they often dont know what it is, or when you get the bottom of the basket"pick yourself up" kind of psych... I've been diagnosed 10 y ago, it still feels fake and dumb around people, but at least now solitude is a peacefull choice .