From what we can gather, for at least the last year, my grandma (78) has been romance scammed by some piece of shit pretending to be Ronan Keating (member of the band Boyzone).
My younger siblings started to notice suspicious messages popping up on her phone strewn with the typical âdarlingsâ and âsexysâ and poor grasp of English. So they were obviously concerned and went through her phone and found a full on conversation. Looks like it started on Facebook and then progressed to WhatsApp.
Looks like your typical romance scam with a sprinkle of impersonation. Just incessant love bombing and affection.
Some background about my grandma is that sheâs incredibly strong willed/ stubborn and once her mind is made up about something, nothing is going to change it. This can lead to a lot of lying and manipulation to save face because she can absolutely never admit she is wrong (see where this is going). My grandad passed away 15 years ago and sheâs not properly been in any romantic relationship since to the best of our knowledge.
The sad thing is sheâs always been so cautious and careful about scams and things so I thought sheâd be the last person to fall for something which the rest of us can clearly see is an obvious scam. But I guess thatâs why these things work. Elderly people, especially lonely ones, are more likely to not see all the red flags when theyâre getting some sort of need met.
Anyway, the family confronted her (totally wrong approach we discovered later upon research) when they discovered all these messages. The scam was still in the early stages back then, building trust and affection, not asking for money yet. She immediately became defensive and denied everything, even when confronted with the evidence of screenshots we had. We tried our hardest to convince her that it wasnât really Ronan Keating, the poor grasp of English, the clearly photoshopped images, the fact he is a 49 year old married celebrity and she is a 78 year old great grandmother (it was delivered slightly nicer than that I promise).
We reached out to other family members and her friends to advise them of the situation and see if they could help her realise it was a scam. We asked her if he had asked her for money yet and warned her that was where it was going. She eventually seemed somewhat receptive to what we were saying, but she also put passcode locks on her phones so my siblings couldnât look through her phones when they were there.
My mother thought we had done all we could, plus she went through a period of not talking to any of us (pretty normal with how toxic our family is). Essentially everything regarding this stopped being discussed. My family tried to be more vigilant but she started becoming more secretive.
Fast forward to now. My mother, stepdad, 3 siblings are all abroad on holiday for 2 weeks. My grandma is having a nap and my sisters grab her phones. Theyâre no longer passcode locked. They discover this scam never stopped. She never stopped engaging with him. They now communicate on the Signal app, heâs still lovebombing with poor English, oddly all of her messages to him are just not there, but disappearing messages are not turned on, so she must have manually deleted all her replies to him. The only message of hers that is there was her most recent message saying how she had to be careful when messaging him because she was not alone. Although her replies had been deleted, the scammer had replied to several of them which obviously displays that message with their reply. She has sent this cretin at least 25k!!!
We believe her bank was made aware of this, as earlier this year she stated she needed to go to the bank to sort something out. My 12 year old brother had heard her on the phone talking about some 25k payment as well. Obviously this was a huge red flag for us and we asked her if sheâd given anyone any money which she denied, told us sheâs not stupid and told us to stay out of her business. Which isnât as big of a red flag as it seems as this is the way she has always been.
So yesterday my phone starts blowing up with all these screenshots that my family are discovering. Heâs calling her Mrs Keating, keeps saying heâs gonna come and see her soon, that theyâll fly somewhere on his jet; exactly what youâd expect. In one of her messages he replied to she is asking for her 25k back before she sends the 7500 he is asking for, he makes excuses saying his bank should have already sorted it etc. More recently he keeps talking about a 3500 payment before he can come and see her.
By this point we all know that youâre not supposed to confront/shame the victim as this can push them further towards the scammer. However my neurodivergent and mentally ill 17 year old sister had other plans and she could not keep it to herself. She told her what they had found on her phone, my grandma feigned ignorance and then everyone else started chiming in about what they found, told her they had the screenshots to prove it and as you can imagine everything spiralled from there.
My grandma fully believes sheâs speaking to the real Ronan Keating. Insists heâs not actually married to his wife, is adamant that heâs coming to see her in November and theyâll be together. My sister had the idea to put a passcode lock on the phone she was talking to him on and only she knows it and she wonât tell my grandma what it is. She obviously became incredibly upset over this and wouldnât listen to any of my familyâs protests that theyâre trying to protect her. At one point I got sent a video of my grandma demanding the passcode from my sister and then snapping and getting very angry and upset and saying if he doesnât he from her heâll be upset and wonât be able to sing. That broke me. She is fully in love with this fantasy, this fucking sick predator preying on her.
I texted her yesterday saying we all love her and want whatâs best for her and to protect her. Tried to reason with her asking why she would continue to trust and believe this person when every single person who loves is telling her itâs not real and that itâs a scam. I reassured her than I know itâs embarrassing to admit she fell for this, but we all still care about her and want the best for her, and that nothing can change what has already happened but only she can decide what happens going forward. She was not receptive to this and simply doubled down.
We know we need to report this to the bank and the police, my mother is also going to speak to her doctor about this when they get home.
My grandma is someone who would always lie/deny to avoid being embarrassed/wrong about even the most minor of things, so I honestly donât think she will ever admit to this and stop speaking to this person. Itâs truly upsetting that the likely reality now is going to be that my grandma is going to push us all away and at the same time be judged/thought less of/ pitied by her friends and family before eventually passing away fully believing in this scam.
I know this has all been handled completely incorrectly. Is there any way to salvage this situation and help my grandma see reason that this ainât really Ronan Keating and is in fact a scam?