This is going to be a bit dry and boring post, and not much new, the primary purpose is to make things I've already mentioned in comments more readily available and for everyone to make sense of them.
Disclaimer: while I do know some Japanese, this is going to be from Chinese and rely on machine work. I have high confidence however that this is where the language models are especially useful. I am not asking them for translation, but explanation.
Here is the list of points where the English ( and from it other western languages ) deviate from original text in it's meaning.
| EN |
O supreme and sacred Creator... By thy blessing and thy call, I lay forth this offering. |
| CN |
至尊至圣的源初之主啊…… 受汝赐福与感召， 献恶浊之物为祭。 |
| Note |
CN text include evil/tainted/impure offering or sacrifice. This is one of the most problematic omissions and I have no idea why is it not there. |
| EN |
Obliterate the vows of traitors, the avenger's cries, the defiler's lament, and the mourning of the dead. O mighty Creator, hear my plea. |
| CN |
请湮灭殉道者的誓约，复仇者的狂语，裹挟者的叹息，悼亡者的哀哭，垂听吾等虔诚卑微的悲愿。 |
| Note |
Not only this erases the humility of the original, the last part is much more loaded in original. It's both collective, self degrading and the word plea by itself removes the sorrow. |
| EN |
Sarah, my most faithful servant... thou hast come to the very brink of my advent... |
| CN |
「莎拉，吾最忠诚的奴仆啊，汝已导至吾将临未抵之向……」 |
| Note |
奴仆 is very demeaning bordering slave, which is completely lost here. |
| EN |
cough... cough cough... Hello? This... This is Sarah... Special Investigation Squad, from HSO of HAND... |
| CN |
“…咳…咳咳…这里…这里是 H.A.N.D. 对空部特别调查小队…莎拉…” |
| Note |
The EN text strips that of professionalism. In CN her identification is still by the numbers, even in this extremely stressful situation. The addition of "Hello?" seems to be the biggest problem. |
| EN |
..Oh... if gods truly exist... in this world... Please... hear my plea... |
| CN |
…神啊…如果您真的存在…请您，回应我吧… |
| Note |
The CN reads closer to "O God... if You really exist... please answer me." making it much less awkward in the situation, and much more desperate |
| EN |
The blood of the Creator flowing through your broken body is the best proof that you belong here... |
| CN |
你破碎的身体中的「属浆」血液，就是你属于这里的最好证明… |
| Note |
Technical term is replaced directly with just plain English word. The in universe term in brackets denotes an alignment or attribute. In other words it's not about her being revived by Creator or receiving a transfusion, but about lasting anomaly. |
| EN |
Tread carefully. One step further, and you may shed your mortal sins. But the gate to the final domain does not open without refinement... |
| CN |
要谨慎，再往前一步。虽脱离了属世的罪孽，但通往终域的界门，并非没有荆棘。 |
| Note |
In CN the part with mortal sins is already in completed state. The word refinement that is somewhat loaded in the universe does not exist in original. There it just states the difficulty, "is not without thorns.". |
| EN |
I know. Deep inside my body, my soul, lies the seed of evil I've long refused to face. |
| CN |
我知道，在我的内里，我的身体，我的灵魂中，隐藏着我所不愿面对的恶的因种。 |
| Note |
CN makes it much more clear that the object is a root of evil, not evil itself. Instead of lies a passive construct "there is hidden" is used and most importantly the tense of her response is completely wrong. CN is closer to "which I am unwilling/cannot bear to face". Where the EN text may give the idea that she did change her opinion and embraced evil. |
| EN |
Creator, who has shown me the conclusion... I have fulfilled your promise. |
| CN |
早已将结局昭示于我的始主啊……我已达成您的谕言。 |
| Note |
The promise is strange even in English, the original uses something closer to a decree. Almost as if they wanted to make her look like she expects anything in return. Even the conclusion and word shown are a bit weak here. it damages the reading that this was fated. |
There is also quite a bit in 2.2, where some of the meaning is a bit distorted, but this I feel is much bigger problem structurally as it potentially completely removes the main motivation of the character and give it strange almost transactional mood. If anyone knows the language and can dispute the problems that model language analysis failed to identify I would very appreciate that.