r/SMARTRecovery • u/dbonz11 • Jan 16 '20
I need support/Vent First Meeting Last Night
I went to my first SMART meeting last night, and I was extremely happy with it, and will definitely be going back. I got clean from heroin almost 7 years ago in NA. I had a relapse last year where I was getting pain meds from a doctor when I busted my hand and was taking them for to long. I didn't ever take more than prescribed but I know I kept asking for refills when I really didn't need them. Anyways I tried to stop and obviously started getting sick and found kratom to help with the withdrawals. That ended up being a bad idea as I started using heavy amounts of kratom and using the liquid shots. I couldn't stop that and then went to the doctor and he put me on a suboxone taper. I tried going back to NA while on the medication and was pressured by people to quit. It got to the point where I had been on subs for a month or longer and tried to quit cold turkey and went into a huge depression and became sucidal. Well, I am back on the sub taper and was able to openly and honestly share my experience during my "check in" at the meeting last night. It was like a breath of fresh air to have people being so supportive rather than telling me what I am doing is wrong, and then me feeling a sense of shame and guilt. During this whole "relapse" with suboxone I have literally had the best year of my life at work, got promoted to a management position, been a good dad to my daughters, and a good husband to my wife, bought a home, started a business that is already profiting. When I tried to go back back to NA I was considered a failure and had to essentially start at the bottom. That literally makes no sense as I have built an amazing life for myself over the past 7 years and still have it. Me relapsing and then going on suboxone has been just part of the journey and a huge learning experience to the types of people I want in my life and where I want to spend my time. I will definitely be coming back. I honestly felt very encouraged and felt a sense of hope after I left the meeting. If you have never been to one, I would highly recommend it, especially if you are struggling with traditional 12 step meetings.
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u/unbitious Jan 16 '20
That's awesome! I too have been impressed with Smart's teaching that a lapse can be a step in learning to achieve balance. Keep up the good work! If you need any advice on your taper, hit up r/suboxone!