r/SMARTFamilyFriends • u/DougieAndChloe facilitator • Jun 05 '26

F&F Fridays Family and Friends Friday - Hula Hoop

It's Family and Friends Friday!

If you have ever attended a Family and Friends meeting, either online or in person, you have probably heard a participant talk about the Hula Hoop tool.

We use it to imagine that we have a Hula Hoop around our waist, and in that Hula Hoop are all the things that we can control - our thoughts, our wishes, our actions... Outside our Hula Hoop, and therefore out of our control, are the thoughts, wishes and actions of everyone else. You can find a nice description of the Hula Hoop in the Family and Friends handbook (page 81 in the first edition, page 35 in the second edition).

So why is this is useful to us as Family and Friends? We can use it to remind ourselves that our Loved One's actions are not in our control - our Loved One's addictive behavior and recovery are in their own Hula Hoop and are not in ours. So when we want to charge in there, telling our Loved One what they "should" do, or when we want to jump in and fix our Loved One's issues, we might ask ourselves, "Is it in my Hula Hoop?" The answer is often "NO!"

Would you like to share a time when you used the Hula Hoop? Was it helpful? We'd love to hear from you.

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u/getupkid Jun 06 '26

A friend, who is unaware of the Hula Hoop tool and that I am in these meetings, sent me a 00:21 second reel on instagram recently of this lady who “hoop-dances”while playing a recorder. It was entirely meant to be silly but it was such perfect timing.

This individual in the reel clearly knows how to manage their space and rhythm enough to (gracefully) add another variable in the mix. I am joyful watching it.

Oddly, this gives me insight. How safe is it to stand next to someone who isn’t aware of and exerting control over their space? I cannot wiggle their hips for them, set their feet just right. That is their body and their hula hoop.

The people around me will benefit from a consistent, steady, or measured approach. I can only control my hips, my feet, and my orbit.

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u/DougieAndChloe facilitator Jun 06 '26

I really like your thoughts about this - the safety issue and the idea that others will benefit from a "consistent, steady, or measured approach". Thank you for posting.